STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I could seriously stomp on my husbands toe right now, and drink a Margarita laced with Xanax.  Notice the picture below..   How can you miss it, right?  Well that is a picture of my car.  Was my husband home to help me?  NO!  I had to get the fricken THING out myself.  YAY. I scooched it out with a shovel AND it came straight at me.  Well, after screaming bloody murder and banging the shovel on the ground it turned and went UNDER my car.  I ran around the other side of the car to chop him in half with the shovel (I don't know where that came from but that was my split second plan).  Well, the dang thing didn't come out!!!!!!!!  I looked under my car, from distance, and it wasn't there either.  SOAB!  It had crawled-slithered whatever the hell it does into the undercarriage of my car!!  WTF!!! So.  I call my husband.  I would like to be reassured that in no way can the snake get me from under my car.  I have to go to work, I can't miss today because of a M.D. meeting.  Frickin great.  I don't yet tell him there is a snake in MY car.  I casually (as possible) ask him if a snake can get to person from under the car..yayaya..  He say's he has to think about it...Hmmm..He says um, No.  I say you have to be absolutely 190% sure or else I'm going to freak out, and explain that the snake is in MY car.  He asks me where I found it.  I say in the DAMN car.  He wants to know where.  I tell him. HE SAYS THAT TECHNICALLY THAT IS NOT IN MY CAR.  Drumroll...BUT IN THE DOOR JAM.  AND THAT I SHOULDN'T BE WORRYING ABOUT IT.  Shut up!  You are lucky I didn't make you come home and take me to work!  So, I drove to work with my death planned out, hands shaking on the wheel.  That is after I took a running jump into my car, and out of it for that matter. 

*Update*

I had the maintenance guy and our security guard look under my car, they didn't see anything.  I was hoping there would an odor of baked snake coming from my car, that or a mangled snake carcas.  Neither of those were there.  Sigh.  After talking to some of the girls at work we decided (hopefully) that it had to get in there when my doors were open.  UNFORTUNATELY my doors have not been open since Sunday, when I cleaned out my car and went grocery shopping.  Which means it's been hanging in my car since then, and I drive my BABY around.  GASP.  Somebody mentioned som'n about a van.  I drive an Envoy so it had to "hop" up in there.  I still think I may die.  Or this is the traumatic experience that will lead down the path to OCD.  My girlfriend did a little searching and decided it was either a rattle or gopher snake.  I told her it didn't rattle at me and it must be a gopher snake.  Then her coworker piped up that some young rattle snakes don't have rattles yet.  Oh. Dear. God.