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Suasoria


Chanel

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upset and could use some support
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Joy0302 speaks for me as well. Just keep doing what you're doing and the people around you will benefit from the positive energy and love you create.

Nicoley, based on what you write, I think there are two things at work here. One is 'they mean well' because they want to spare you from the judgement of others. However, they are also the ones doing the judging ("THEY have different values") and displaying ugly racism. If you want any advice, be understanding about comments in the first category, but do what you can to address the second. (I.e., "They have different values," to which you say, "Well, so do I. For example, I'm not prejudiced.")

Of course I'm also shocked to hear something so overt. Being in Los Angeles it's rare to hear this kind of comment from someone you're close to. My in-laws have their moments when it comes to Middle Easterners and I always comment in a TV announcer voice:

"Ladies and gentlemen, today's racist moment has been brought to you by [insert their name]." It tends to diffuse the comment with some humor and point out that yes, that was offensive. Sometimes they don't get why something is racist: they believe it's true, so don't see it as offensive.

My husband is Jewish and my family is seriously Catholic, so I expected much negativity from my grandma when we started dating. However, she really surprised me by being very open-minded. On our first holiday as a couple, she gave him a mug with a dreidel on it. A few years ago she gave us a menorah in the shape of a Christmas tree with a star of David on top! It was too cute.


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Drew


Gucci

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I'm sorry your Grandma wasn't open minded.  She does come from a very different generation where racisim was much more accepted, not that that makes it ok, but at least it better helps understand her frame of reference. 

I am in a interracial marriage and the only thing that stuck out to me about it being still a new thing was at the last census when I learned that only like 3% of Americans are in interracial marriages, so it really isn't common and I'm sure not widely accepted as the best way to reduce/eliminate biases is through exposure, and with only 3% of married couples being interracial , well, that isn't very much exposure...

Anyway, my only advice is to let the comments roll off your back for now (since she is your Grandma), but if she brings it up again,  I would give her a stern warning that your relationship with her will be damaged if her remarks and attitude continue.  I would not hesitate to cut someone out of my life that thought my husband was not good enough for me or them or whatever, no matter what their reason were, but for good family members I would give a little tolerance and leeway before cutting them out.  

Good luck and congratulations on (hopefully) finding the man that you are going to spend the rest of your life with!
 

-- Edited by Drew at 15:31, 2007-12-07

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wetbandit42


Marc Jacobs

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I'm so sorry Nicoley, that's awful. I agree with the others - I would tell your Grandma where to get off. I would let her know that you do not appreciate her comments and that you will not tolerate hearing them.

It's so sad that it's 2007 and there is still so much racism and prejudice in this world. I think you should marry whomever you love. No one should ever make you feel like you're doing something wrong by dating someone of a different race. It's ridiculous.

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Know first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly. - Epictetus
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