STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

delia · Nine West

Just Sad

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Delia, I am so sorry. I wish I knew something better to say than this, but maybe things could still work out? If you still love your husband that's at least one huge thing in your favor, right? Does your husband know you feel this way? I know you said you can't talk to anyone about it, but maybe you should -- talking with someone you trust could be immensely helpful. Is there a friend or family member you could stay with, even for a couple days, just to get some distance from the situation?

luckylily · Gucci

I'm so sorry.

Metric · Gucci

As someone who just went through a huge breakup also, let me offer my sincere condolences. But I can tell you that it isn't always such a bad thing. I have been so much happier now that I am single than I had been for a long time in my relationship. I hope that everything works out ok for you.

Kelly · Hermes

I'm so sorry.

Obviously I don't know the situation or anything, and we won't make you talk about it, but you say you still love him and when you love each other, I think that always means there's a chance.

Is there anything you can do? Counseling, etc.?

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

ttara123 wrote:

you say you still love him and when you love each other, I think that always means there's a chance.

Is there anything you can do? Counseling, etc.?

I second this... good luck

Kitty · Hermes

I'm so sorry *hugs*

Why can't you talk to anyone? What about seeing a counselor or therapist? Any close friends or family you'd feel safe/comfortable sharing with?

We're here for you!

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

I am so sorry !

If you still really love each other, maybe counseling would help?

Keep us posted.

delia · Nine West

Thank you all. No family here and don't want to involve friends. We are just maybe two people who can't get along even though we care for each other. We have done counseling though not recently but I don't think it has helped. So much resentment built up and we can't seem to get past it and just love each other. I don't think we are giving each what we need and we can't seem to figure out how to do that.

Thanks again for the support. It means a lot to me and makes me feel less alone.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

delia wrote:

Thank you all. No family here and don't want to involve friends. We are just maybe two people who can't get along even though we care for each other. We have done counseling though not recently but I don't think it has helped. So much resentment built up and we can't seem to get past it and just love each other. I don't think we are giving each what we need and we can't seem to figure out how to do that.

Thanks again for the support. It means a lot to me and makes me feel less alone.

I know I say this all the time for these type of relationship post, but I highly recommend these books, His Needs, Her Needs and the Five Love Languages. Both really helped me and my hubby understand what we needed to do for the other person to give each other what we need. I am sorry that you are going thru this! ((Big hugs))

wicked · Coach

Metric wrote:

As someone who just went through a huge breakup also, let me offer my sincere condolences. But I can tell you that it isn't always such a bad thing. I have been so much happier now that I am single than I had been for a long time in my relationship. I hope that everything works out ok for you.

Big huge 2nd.

travelgirl · Kate Spade

After 13 years of marriage, I know how this can be. Marriage is constant work. My dh and I have had our ups and downs and each time we fight I wonder if this time will be our last. A few things I always consider when it gets ugly:

-Will I be better off alone? This is always a NO because we have kids and they don't deserve for us not to be together.

-What WOULD make me leave? One thing for sure-Adultery. I could not accept this and won't accept this. Ever.

-I think about him. We can fight but I always love my husband and will do whatever it takes to make it work even if I feel slighted or if what we are fighting about is not my fault.

-Talk it out. Keep talking until it is resolved. Never go to sleep fighting, never hold a grudge.

-Buy those books FP suggested-marriage is like any other thing, the more tools you have to work with, and the more knowledge and perspective you have, the better.

For me, my marriage is everything. Since we are parents, our children's lives depend us getting along and making it work. I made the commitment, and will do what it takes to keep it. With that said, some things can't be negotiated (for me, cheating and violence of any kind) and everyone has those things that they feel can't be negotiated. Definitely talk to someone-it helps so much to aleviate some of the stress. Feel free to PM me anytime for a shoulder to cry on or to just talk. We are here for you! Hugs!!!!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I'm sorry. I was divorced too, two years ago now. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I just wanted to say, everyone is trying to be helpful and offer things that might work. Which is just people being nice. But when I was divorcing it always made me feel horrible. Because I felt like, "I thought of that. I read that. I signed up for counseling. Do you think I wouldn't try harder? Do you think I'm dumb? Do you think I don't care? Or that you can fix this when I can't?" It felt like criticism.

And that made it harder. Because peopel really were just trying to be nice. But divorce makes you feel so horrilbe and lost and like a failure that everything seems personal. So for what it's worth. If you think this is it, I belive you've tried as hard as you could. And I believe you would never just walk away if there was a chance it could be saved. And I believe you did your best. I don't know you. But I recognize a tone in your note that reminds me of how I felt. So if things turn around, that's great. But if they don't, it sounds like you did everything you could, and please don't beat yourself up.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 22:49, 2007-01-16

Sandy · Kate Spade

Dizzy wrote:

So if things turn around, that's great. But if they don't, it sounds like you did everything you could, and please don't beat yourself up.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 22:49, 2007-01-16

This is how I feel, too. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know you said that you don't have anyone to talk to in your life, so if you ever need to vent, get advice, or just want some hugs then by all means... that's what we're here for. It must be so hard to get out; I really feel for you and wish I had the magic words to make you feel better. Just remember that we're here for you.

atlgirl · Gucci

I'm sorry, and I hope you can work things out if you still love each other. *hugs*

Mandy · Kate Spade

I have also been through a divorce and I agree with Dizzy. No one ever wants to tell you that divorce is the answer. When you aren't in the relationship, it always seems like it could be worked out, but sometimes it can't. To me, not knowing what to do was the hardest part. Once I decided I couldn't struggle to make it work anymore, I felt better. Not great, because I did feel like a failure, but I felt better.

You mentioned that you didn't know whether you should move out or not. I tried that. It gave me a lot of perspective. I got clarity about some things we fought over and I was able to recognize fixable and nonfixable things better. Maybe a temporary separation would be a good start. You could get a short term lease or stay at an extended stay hotel.

((((hugs))))

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

delia wrote:

Thank you all. No family here and don't want to involve friends. We are just maybe two people who can't get along even though we care for each other. We have done counseling though not recently but I don't think it has helped. So much resentment built up and we can't seem to get past it and just love each other. I don't think we are giving each what we need and we can't seem to figure out how to do that.

Thanks again for the support. It means a lot to me and makes me feel less alone.

I'm so sorry... although I've never been married - living with my ex and being together for 6 yrs - it was like a divorce. My best advice after the breakup has been a year - I feel SOOOO much happier and better now. If you've done counsweling and tried to work things out a few times already - there's not much left to do but get out. If you can't give each other what you need, you'll always be unfulfilled and resentment doesn't go away (I do know about that).

I really am sorry for your pain right now - just hope that you know it really can be better. HUGS

alb · Marc Jacobs

atlgirl wrote:

I'm sorry, and I hope you can work things out if you still love each other. *hugs*

I agree. I would keep trying to work at it if you still love each other. you don't want to do something out of anger that you will regret. i second the books fp recommended. they are both excellent!

Collette · Chanel

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I have no words of wisdom or great advice but just know you are not alone. We're all here for you to give you support no matter what your decision.

NCshopper · Hermes

Collette wrote:

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I have no words of wisdom or great advice but just know you are not alone. We're all here for you to give you support no matter what your decision.

I agree. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I don't really. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it all works out as best as possible. We're here to listen if you need us.