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Post Info TOPIC: I feel like a complete basketcase
Aurora


Marc Jacobs

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I feel like a complete basketcase
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I guess its been about a year and a half since I moved to Houston from living with my family and I've done pretty well with the move and being completely on my own up until about October/November of this year and ever since then I've slowly been turning into a basket case.  It doesn't help that I have started to notice how much my parents miss me either.  It just about killed me to see my dad cry when I left last night to come back here.


For the first time since moving I've really become homesick and its quickly turned from just being sad every now and then to now where I've been crying for the past 3 days about it (including at 5:30am today until now as the bf packed to leave for work) and just can't stop and my apartment is a complete wreck and needs a good weeks worth of cleaning to rid it of the mail/receipt clutter and dust that has collected all over. 


I think while being home at Christmas I realized how much I missed being at home and the little things that go with it like seeing my family whenever I want and being around the pets.  I hate being four hours away which doesn't seem much but it makes going home for weekends such a hassle because you spend so much time driving.  I'm sorta sad that my brother has been doing so well since his sickness kicked in and he now has a job and is going to school (Its really such a good thing for him - to be normal again) because it now makes it a tad harder for my family to just pack up and come visit since they now have to coordinate his work/school schedule


I realize that at some point we all have to grow up and move out, get a job, be responsible, etc but I guess I never thought it would be so hard to do especially since I did so well all of last year.  I just hate this feeling and can't seem to shake it.  I mean I have a good job, like the city I live in, have great friends, and a fab bf but sadly I just wish I could go back to college and stay there forever or just until my family can move over here with will either be when my dad can transfer job locations (which has always been a possibility even before I moved here) or when he retires in 3 years.


Ugh.  How do you overcome this awful feeling??  I hate being a basketcase especially around my bf.  I hate crying on him all the time.



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Collette


Chanel

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I wish I had a word of advice but I just want to say I'm so sorry you're so sad. I couldn't imagine living far like that from my family. Is there any option of moving back home again? Or at least closer to home? If it's making you that depressed to be far away nothing says being an adult means living far away from people you love.

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kenzie


Chanel

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Aw, {{{{{hugs}}}}}. I'm sorry that you are feeling like this. The holidays can be a stressful time, even though it's supposed to be the happiest time of year and all that crap. Maybe the holiday stress is just getting to you and you need to give it a little more time where you're at.

But then, maybe home is just really where you're heart is and you do need to move back. And that's okay, too. Just b/c you move back home to be near your family, doesn't mean that you can't have your own life and be a grown up.

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Aurora


Marc Jacobs

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Thanks for the hugs.  I think its just a combo of stress in my life with bf being unhappy, about to enter busy season which will be pure hell for 2 months and then it will be normal again, and just missing being around my family.  Sometimes I wish I could move back home but then reality sets in and its just not possible as jobs there are few and far between.  The closest major city was wiped out last year and even before then there weren't many jobs to be had even with an accounting degree!!  And then its just that where they live, the city doesn't feel like home to me like Houston.  I love Houston.  It is the right size and has enough here to make me happy.  So its more like my family is home to me more than anything else.  I don't think I'd be as happy overall moving back as I am now.  Just partially happy then I'd be crying for other reasons.


So for now I'm here and they are there but luckily as much as my dad hates Exxon they are moving lots of jobs to Houston so the possibility of a transfer is high - shoot he was offered one already but it was for a more boring job than he has now which he hates so it was a nogo- plus he will be 55 in 2009 - retirement age!!  So I think I just need to hang on for a few more years because both of my parents are scared of daycare so the minute I get married and become pregnant they are packing and moving if they don't do so before then to keep the kids.


Sometimes I think it would be 1000 times easier to be a guy because they don't seem as emotional as girls but in reality they are so it wouldn't help me any.



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lynnie


Chanel

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i wish i could help you, but really, i feel the same way.  I also live 4 hours from home (in nyc, fam is in md) and i miss them a ton.  Being at home for the holidays just cemented that.  I stayed up til 3 am every night playing nintendo wii w/my 13 year old brother, forced my dad to watch a funny movie with me because i wanted to hear his laugh, etc.  And i miss my home state, which i think is more beautiful than i ever remembered it.


BUT i LOVE where i live.  Sounds like you do too.  I have so many opportunities here, nyc is the only city on the east coast where the fashion/art/music/architecture constantly inspires me, i am meeting such great people, i love my apt and friends...


Its hard- i also still feel like a kid sometimes too- i just go home and want my mom to take care of me.  We are about the same age- no?  I don't want to grow up and have my parents be old- my granddad is going to a nursing home in the next couple of weeks- my mom is tired of having to take care of him (he also is slightly abusive and difficult, but regardless), and I just got so sad because I don't want to ever feel that way towards my parents.  My dad recommended the movie Tokyo story: http://www.amazon.com/Tokyo-Story-Collection-Chishu-Ryu/dp/B00005JLV7/sr=8-1/qid=1167411673/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-4256349-7297457?ie=UTF8&s=dvd


a really subtle film about family relationships and growing older.  And it depressed me because i didn't even want to think about that, but sometimes life is too short to spend your entire adulthood away from the people you love most.  I agree w/Collette in that regard. 


Seems like you will be around them soon enough though- and until then, visits (i know the 4 hour drive is annoying ), phone calls, vacations, and enjoying your life in Houston.  You'll feel better once you are back in the swing of things again.  ((hugs))


 



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NCshopper


Hermes

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I know exactly how you feel.  I've dealt with this off and on since I graduated from college and it's getting better, but it's not 100%.  I've noticed it's worse in winter when the holidays are around and I'm missing my family and when I'm not able to go outside as much since it's dark when I get home and cold.  Couple that with a miserable job situation and like zero friends and I've had some really, really bad days. 


I've been doing better lately mainly because I'm turning my work situation around and looking for a new job.  I've been going out and DH and I have met a few people here and there.  But still, there's no family here (they're all in Southern California) and I hate that.  I had a MAJOR meltdown on Christmas which led to me picking a fight with DH (that was justified, but it didn't need to happen on Christmas day, for goodness sakes!) and me being a total bitch. 


I think for me, when I get homesick, I tend to completely blow things out of proportion.  For example, it's not just "I miss being home for Christmas today."  Instead it's "I hate living on the other coast and there's no way I'll ever be able to afford living in San Diego again and that means that my kids will grow up never knowing my family and being a part of the family I love so much."  And once I get thinking that way it's really, really hard to stop.   


So anyway, I guess my point is that the holidays are hard.  And growing up sometimes sucks.  But it's not all bad and it's not nearly as bad as I make it out to be in my head.  And you're not stuck in the situation that you're in forever.  The economy changes, jobs change, situations change and you might be able to live near your family again sooner rather than later.  (At least that's what I'm hoping for.) 



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ico


Dooney & Bourke

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Just wanto to leave you a huge hug... I totally understand you!

I feel like dying every time I pass the gate at the airport and see my parents standing there and seeing me going away again...
The best thing to do when you are alone again (and the first weeks are the worse) is be nice to yourself, do something nice, like go for a massage, a pedicure, or such things, invite some friends over... and keep in touch by phone or e-mail. It'll feel better eventually.

Hope you'll be better soon

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HeatherLynn


Gucci

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I can't help, but I can tell you I feel the same way.  I graduated when you did and moved 4 hours away.  Being home this past weekend really made me sad and I did not want to leave.  I have NEVER been like that.  I cried almost the whole way home.  Maybe its something about the 1.5 year mark- we realize we have finally grown up?  I, too, hope it gets better!

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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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Trust me it is normal to get homesick. My parents live only 30 min away , I have lived on my own and been married for 10 years and I still get homesick and miss them sometimes.

It must be something about how parents make us feel like a protected kid, that makes us miss that once in awhile.



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laken1


Hermes

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Awww, I'm so sad for you. I go through this when I get to LA & see my mom & my sister & my nieces but I get over it pretty quickly because they start to drive me nuts. How long do you stay when you go home? I seriously suggest staying for 4-5 days & I bet it won't be as hard to leave. I know that sounds mean, but maybe? Or maybe your family isn't as dramatic (re: nuts) as mine.....

I do know what you mean though - we drove this trip & it broke my heart to cross that TX line - even if the roads were about 2000x better. In TX you just can't get a crawfish pie or boudin ball at the gas station....

{{{{hugs}}}}}}



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Aw, I'm sorry sweetie. This sounds hard. {{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

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Aurora


Marc Jacobs

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Thanks yall. I'm doing much better and its such a relief to hear that other people get in moods like this too!  I was so worried it was just me.  Like I was some huge loser at 25 who was refusing to grow up/let go of my childhood.


Laken - Most of the time I can't take my family for a weekend like you but for some reason this time around was different.  I wanted to stay longer even though I wasn't even doing anything at home and it was semi-relaxing.  you are right though, once you cross that line the roads get 2000x's better



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kittenheels


Coach

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I completely identify.  My family is in Boston and I live in LA.  I've been out here for 5.5 years and I still get teary when I have to fly back out here.  There is something very special about where you are from.  Family just makes me feel safe and protected.  Granted, I love my life out here and the second family that DH and I have created with friends, but every once in a while - real family is what you need!

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