STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

How to get a guy to buy flowers?

Kelly · Hermes

I don't think there's a "magical way;" most of the time when/if boyfriend have gotten me flowers, it's been very random and unexpected...which I think is how your boyfriend wants it to be for you.

But I do agree with him - why should he get you flowers now, right after you've talked about it and you're expecting it? If I were him, I would also kind of feel like that would be "submitting" (I don't like that word but I can't think of a better one.) I know you're telling him what you want so he knows how to make you happy, but if he gets you flowers because you told him to, that would just be like him following orders. And do you really want flowers because you told him to get you some, or do you want the surprise that said he's thinking of you? He knows you want them. So I think that he'll get you some soon enough. Still, I think 3x in 2 years isn't really that bad. He's obviously not neglecting you, but he's not overdoing it either. I know its frustrating because you told him this is what you want, but still. I wouldn't worry about it too much

NCshopper · Hermes

Ttara had great advice.

Try not to focus on the flowers. Clearly, if you've been dating this guy for 2 years, he has some redeeming qualities and makes some good gestures, otherwise you wouldn't be with him. For example, in the course of our three year marriage I can probably count on one hand the number of times DH has gotten me flowers, but he makes my tea for me every morning and packs a lunch for me to take to work. He rubs my feet if I ask him to and he listens to me bitch when I've had a bad day. So, it's about focusing on the positive.

And ttara's totally right--do you really want flowers if the only reason he's giving them to you is because he feels guilty or obligated?

member · Hermes

I agree w/ttara and ncshopper. What's the point of getting flowers if you have to ask/tell him to buy them for you? For me, I'd rather not even have them. The best flowers I've ever gotten from SO were when I least expected it. Also, like NCShopper mentioned, there are other things guys can do besides buy you flowers. Flowers aren't everything...it's the little things they do that count in my book.

Elle · Hermes

NCshopper wrote:

And ttara's totally right--do you really want flowers if the only reason he's giving them to you is because he feels guilty or obligated?

Exactly. The guys obviously got some other good (personality) qualities or else you wouldn't be with him. Most guys don't respond well to hints. If you haven't done so already, I'd blatantly say (at some neutral, non flower expecting time) that you lovelovelove receiving flowers, especially for no reason at all, and that you would be more than appreciative if he would feel free to pick them up whenever the mood strikes.

But, IMO it's much more fun/romantic when it doesn't happen all the time.

Otherwise, if you like flowers that much, keep buying them yourself for yourself!

But that would only apply if this was actually about flowers, which it doesn't sound like it is. Flowers are a representation of affection. If you are getting the affection in other forms, that's what matters right, as it's the point of the flowers anyway?

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

If you REALLY want them tell him to imagine the naughtiest thing that he would like to do to you and tell him you will let him do that the next time her brings flowers

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I understand what you guys are saying - no I don't want flowers only bc he feels obligated. I want sweet gestures JUST BECAUSE and I don't know if I am getting them or maybe I am oblivious.

If he wants me to wear something, or do something in the bedroom, or cook for him or anything, I do it within a reasonable time. I dont wait 7 months to surprise him on my own accord - but maybe thats just me.

Still frustrated - its not the flowers its the thought. I think I am going to start making a list of the sweet things bc I tend to concentrate on the negative.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

I think I know the problem. I have it too. Its from those stupid movies where guys do sweet things just because and so we think normal guys are like that too. Where they think of sweet gestures that are romantic and will suprise us....

Anyways its a lovely thought to have but I don't think "normal" guys think that way. I know mine is clueless most the time and its not that he wouldn't do it its just he never thinks of it. So there are times I get frustrated too but I try not to take it out on him since its not really his fault. About the only thing you can do is suggest it every now and then and maybe surprise him so he might be reminded in a round about way to return the surprise/favor.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

My BF gives me flowers occasionally, but he's just like your BF in that he wants it to be a surprise. So I never ask for them, and make sure to be very vocally appreciative when he brings them home! Thinking about the other sweet things he does is a good idea -- like the other girls, I'm sure there are other things he does that are just as thoughtful as bringing you flowers.

Kelly · Hermes

scarlett wrote:

My BF gives me flowers occasionally, but he's just like your BF in that he wants it to be a surprise. So I never ask for them, and make sure to be very vocally appreciative when he brings them home!

haha once early in our relationship, my BF came to stay the weekend with me because we live in different cities. I felt really bad, but I had a dance class that I simply could not miss, so I left him alone in my apartment and told him to watch tv, play on the computer, whatever. I came home and he had done all my dishes - and there were a lot. I hate doing dishes. I was so surprised and appreciative that I basically just shoved him up against the fridge and started making out with him. I know that sounds like a radical response for dishes, but you don't understand how I loathe them

Anyway, needless to say, he does the dishes a lot.

Vanessa · Kate Spade

When I was a young girl, I dreamt of having a guy who would buy me flowers all the time. To me, that was the ultimate romantic gesture. Later, I dated a guy who only bought me flowers on valentine's day. I complained about it, but nothing ever changed through the duration of our relationship.
Then, I dated a guy for almost two years who bought me flowers all the time - I mean I didn't go more than one day without having flowers in my place. Well, this guy turned out to be the biggest jerk - he was possessive, controlling, insecure and a liar. Flower-giving was probably a necessity for him, since he was pretty much worthless otherwise.

Looking back, I'd take the non-flower giver in a heartbeat. That experience really put things in perspective for me & I honestly don't care if I ever receive flowers again. HTH.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

Vanessa wrote:

Then, I dated a guy for almost two years who bought me flowers all the time - I mean I didn't go more than one day without having flowers in my place. Well, this guy turned out to be the biggest jerk - he was possessive, controlling, insecure and a liar. Flower-giving was probably a necessity for him, since he was pretty much worthless otherwise.

Is your ex my ex?? He always made sure that when my flowers would die that he'd have a new bunch to replace them. He had all of those qualities too.

kittenheels · Coach

Dh sends flowers to my office for my birthday, and I get flowers for our anniversary and valentine's day - those sorts of things. I don't think most guys think of flowers at random times...so if I really want flowers, I buy them myself. It's not romantic, but for me, it is not a huge deal. Each relationship is different though, and I could completely understand if it hurts your feelings. I hope you guys can work out a good compromise!

halleybird · Hermes

It took me a long time to realize that people show love in different ways. My husband's idea of being romantic is to pick up dinner on the way home, to make sure my car is always working properly, or to sneak treats home for me whenever someone from work brings them in. He does some traditionally "romantic" things, but I have learned to see all the little things as being romantic too. I think there is a book about this -- The Five Love Languages maybe?

Of course, if he's truly ignoring your needs, that's a different story. Still, like the others said -- you can always buy flowers yourself!

Vanessa · Kate Spade

Aurora wrote:

Is your ex my ex?? He always made sure that when my flowers would die that he'd have a new bunch to replace them. He had all of those qualities too.

Hee hee - they do probably think alike, seeking redemption through plant life :)

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

I think you guys helped me put things back into perspective. I am forgetting about flowers and seeing the sweet things he does every day (like when I was in the shower, he folded my clothes and made my bed).

Im glad they sell flowers on the street by my job, I'll just wing the $8 and maybe be a happier girl.