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Metric


Gucci

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when should you MYOB?
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I feel like I've been posting a lot in relationships lately but my life has been full of drama so here's another one...


One of my bff's is newly single/divorced and is trying out the dating scene. Since she got married really young she never got to do it when the rest of us were and is making up for it now. So she is dating a couple of guys and is becoming a bit of a player.


She some how got this guy to take her on a trip to Cancun for Xmas. She has told me flat out that she isn't interested in this guy and thinks of him only platonically. He is taking her to Cancun in her opinion "as a gesture of friendship". They are staying in the same room and it is just going to be the two of them. Which is fine, whatever, except I have heard from mutual friends (i don't know him and haven't met this guy) that he is head over heels in love with her. I think this free trip won't turn out to be so free. She has told me she has no intention of having "relations" with him in Mexico or ever.


That didn't really bother me so much until I found out a tidbit of info about this guy. I was like he is a big boy, he should know what is what. That is, until I was surfing around Myspace and found his page, where I discovered that this guy is deaf.


Now I feel really bad for him. And I'm kind of annoyed with her for trying to play him. I know I shouldn't feel any differently about him, deaf or not. But I can't help it. I feel sorry for this guy because I don't know if he completely knows the score with her.


Should I warn my friend to go easy on him or should I just mind my own business because it has nothing to do with me at all? If you were in this situation, what would you do?



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Kelly


Hermes

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I'd advise my friend to at least make sure to lay it all out and make sure they're both on the same page - my guy friends and I are very close, but none of them would ever take me on a vacation to cancun, and if they did I would immediately see that as a flag that we felt differently about each other.

I feel bad for him, too - I'd tell her to just make sure she's been very clear that she's not romantically interested in him, and if he still takes her and gets his heart broken, its kind of his own fault

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Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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My two cents, for what it's worth...

1) I went through that "I just want to see what's out there and be everybody's friend" player stage too right after my divorce. And well, I still think that the people you date are not owed sex. I take it seriously enough that I like to know there's a relationship there before I have it. And I was inexperienced enough to think that the guys would um, understand. So what I'm saying is, you can tell your friend. But I don't think she's in a place to hear it.

2) Deaf isn't mentally impaired. I don't think it changes things at all. Maybe because I wouldn't think twice about dating someone deaf (although I doubt that would happen because I don't know sound language adn I barely move my lips when I talk...) But he's still a grown man.

3) I think the most you can possibly say, and even this MIGHT be overstepping a little, is to share with your friend, nicely, that it's only fair, since this guy is telling people he's head over heels, that she tell him up front that she has no interest in him.

4) One of the strongest couples I know started out with the girl having NO interst for eight months, and letting this guy be her pseudo boyfriend for like eight months. And we all said, "I can't believe he puts up with that. She's goign to learn when he finds someone else..." They went through some emotional things together. She realized he'd always been there for her, and came to appreciate him for who he is. They're getting married next year. So even though you think you know what's going on, you never really know.

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squishy


Coach

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Posts: 1540
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i agree with dizzy re: the deafness.  it's a lifestyle, not necessarily an impediment, so let him be the big dumb boy he is :)


and regarding your friend, i don't think talking to your bff will necessarily change her behavior.  she's doing this because she wants to and because she can.  it sounds like she never got this, for lack of a better word, 'exploration' out of her system, and not much is going to stop her.  you could bring it up in jest, but if you say anything more, that might sour your relationship.


i think it's great that she has a friend like you.  good luck!



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