STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kelly · Hermes

How to delicately give advice?

squishy · Coach

hmm.. has she ever mentioned back pain? if so, then you might be able to take that route, which is a less sensitive topic than "your boobs don't look right, but i want you to look your best" :) you can mention that once you got properly fitted, your posture improved and back pain was alleviated, and then suggest that she try it out, too.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

How about using you as the scapegoat?

Tell her that you think you need to be remeasured again and you feel a little self consious of going alone , so ask her if she will go to the bra fitting with us so you are both fitted?

Or find a local nordstrom who does fit for the cure events and tell her you wanted to sign both of you up to help benefit breast cancer.

littlebean · Kate Spade

I think that all of the suggestions that have already been given are excellent and I hope they work. Just wanted to add my two cents:

If they don't end up working then I'm not sure how many delicate options are left for you, in which case it just all depends on your relationship with her. A close friend of mine is extremely busty and was always wearing C cups because she was too embarrassed to admit that she was any larger than that. Wearing bras became extremely painful for her (i.e. cutting her skin) because the bras she was wearing were just way too small, but she still wouldn't size up. I tried the delicate approach for a while but then at one point just said, "Friend, you are *not* a C cup! You *need* to come with me to Nordstrom's and get fitted for the right bra!" She had the sort of personality / we had the sort of friendship that I felt comfortable saying that and it all worked out. But if your cousin is dealing with a similar mental block about the true bra size that she is, it might eventually require a more direct approach.

Cricket · Gucci

I like all the advice, but if there's any way you could get away with doing what littlebean suggests, I think that's best. Take her out for bra shopping and lunch at her favorite restaurant. Make sure you throw in that you need a new bra too... and buy one (even if you end up returning it).

-- Edited by Cricket at 15:27, 2006-11-19

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Everyone has already given awesome advice--just want to say I feel your pain. That's the kind of thing that would make me squirm.

NCshopper · Hermes

sephorablue wrote:

Everyone has already given awesome advice--just want to say I feel your pain. That's the kind of thing that would make me squirm.

Ditto. I feel like I'm squirming here just reading this and trying to put myself in your position!

Like littlebean, I think there is a finite amount of tactful ways you can approach her about this. If she's in denial, which it sounds like she is, then you're probably going to have to be straight with her. Maybe you can go scout out your Nordstrom or lingerie store and find a sales associate that you really like and that your cousin might like. Basically, test a salesperson out so that you know she a) knows what she's doing, and b) won't make it a horrendous experience. I've got to imagine your cousin is probably a bit self-concious about her ta-tas. Anyway, maybe you can make an appointment with the sales associate and then say to your cousin something along the lines of "You know, 80% (or whatever) of women are wearing the wrong bra size and don't even know it. I know you might have difficulty finding the right size, but I've found someone that I think can help." Maybe treat her to a bra and buy her lunch and make a day of it.

Good luck. It sounds like it has the potential to be a touchy subject, but it sounds like you're close and you really care about her appearance and well-being, so I'm sure it'll be fine.

Kitty · Hermes

Hmm...I think it may be best to just come out and say it next time you see her. I would feel a LOT better if someone just told me, then if they did something like, "hey, I'm getting a fitting..I think you should come, " where I'd probably figure out their motive and it would make me feel even more self conscious that they just didn't come out and say it. I'd be wondering what else they think but are afraid to say.

This might just be my style, but I really appreciate honesty and straight-forwardness. Even if it might embarass me at first, in the long run I'd definitely appreciate it.

Good luck! let us know how it goes!

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

Probably not what you want to hear but if she hasn't been interested in doing anything about her problem in the past she probably won't do anything even if you said something to her face. She'd probably just get really mad at you and feel bad about herself especially if you are smaller than her. I would probably just keep my mouth shut on the issue. Just my two cents.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

Aurora wrote:

Probably not what you want to hear but if she hasn't been interested in doing anything about her problem in the past she probably won't do anything even if you said something to her face. She'd probably just get really mad at you and feel bad about herself especially if you are smaller than her. I would probably just keep my mouth shut on the issue. Just my two cents.

I completely agree. It's hard enough to give advice when it's being asked for but when it's not it's pretty much impossible.