STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Bastet · Kate Spade

How to deal with this co worker? (kind of long)

80schick · Nine West

Woah...this woman's nasty. First you need to try to tell your boss about the situation. If she can't be moved, tell him you understand that but that she's getting in the way of your work. Make it clear that you don't want him/her to interfer (unless you do) just that your letting him know about situation a, b, c & q that's already irked you/gotten in your way of working/ has offended you on a personal level & that your going to start talking to her about it.

Unfortunately, it sounds like this woman is too far gone for much change. (what's up w/ hating on the Muslims.....maybe she should read the Koran like my husband did b/c he wanted to understand if all Muslims were as crazy as Osama.....of course, they're not & the Koran has a lot of good stuff in it & similar themes to Christianity.....)

You need to tell your boss that your having problems but you think you can handle them (or ask boss for advice on how to handle the situation as I'm sure they're aware of this co-worker & it will make you look like you're trying to find a solution, not pass on this problem co-worker to some other cubicle.)

Once that's done, even if not a lot of new ideas come from your boss, you'll be ready to take her on. Continue to tell her to move, continue to tell her that you need to get back to work, tell her that in Europe, people find it offensive to talk about their health problems in public (they really do.....), tell her to be quite, tell her to go away. Nicely at first but it seems that's already not working so.... more forcefully. If she thinks your rude now, let her have it in the iciest ways possible. Ignore her. Tell her that she's bothering you. Tell her to go away. If she hasn't 30 seconds later, then saw "now." She's a co-worker, tell her you need to keep their relationship professional. After all, your boss really can't blame you if you want to keep your realtionship MORE professional. If she complains about other people chatting w/ you to him, explain how she keeps your moral low, versus their raising it & how they improve your work out put versus her hindering it (1/2 less work, tell the story about her blocking the door, I'm sure he'll love that!!!) It may not be nice but you need to totally get rid of her. I hate the idea of shunning someone but this bad egg is an albatros around your neck. If someone stops by to chat, let the two of you stop talking as soon as she enters & get her to leave by saying "We're having a private conversation."

She may be the kind to go & complain to your boss about you but if you've already gone & complained first (ie you can't get any work done w/ her around, she's always negative (bad for moral vs your friends, good for moral), she's a racist, she says things that make you uncomfortable (too much information on health issues, etc) then your boss should understand that your just trying to ignore her & get on w/ your work. Remember, you don't need to be friends w/ her, your just co-workers & if this person is someone infamous in the department that everyone has problems w/ your boss should be pleased that 1) your able to deal w/ her & get your work done & 2) stand up for yourself & tell her, as tactfully yet sternly as possible to go away & only come in for printing things & not to chit-chat. Hopefully, if handled properly, you'll show your boss that you have leadership skills & get this woman to stop bothering you. Be careful though, she may feel gilted & then be out to get you but hopefully, if you talk to the boss before you even say anything to her, they'll understand.

Good Luck & let us know how it goes!!!!

-- Edited by 80schick at 12:44, 2006-11-17

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I don't know. Why make an enemy if you don't have to? And why bug the boss? He/she can't really do anything about it and it just puts you on the list of people who complain about things. I c an see how it would work, but it's not something I would really do.

I would take everything she tells you and go further with it. "You're right. That does sound terrible. I dont' know how you put up with so much. Maybe you shoudl talk to Human Resourcesa bout this. I'll go with you." Also, sarcastic complimenting, with enough deniability that it MIGHT not be sarcastic, is kind of mean, but effective at makign her feel uncomfortable around you.

Really though, she's just unhappy and trying to make a connection. She's blocking your way because she needs a hit of, "Oh, you poor thing." in order to make it through her day. If you just give it to her and move on, she'll probably be much easier to deal with.

Eurodaisy · Dooney & Bourke

Dear lord. That sounds positively awful. But here is an idea... maybe you could switch offices, or move the printer into hers? That way, she wouldn't need to BE in your office for anything -- to get to the hallway, to get to the printer, etc. And, when you need to work, you can just shut the office door between you (and maybe lock it, too...).

That might not be possible, but just a thought anyway. Sounds like she's always going to be a total pain as long as she has an excuse to be in your space.

-- Edited by Eurodaisy at 14:05, 2006-11-17

Hermes

hmmm. well, it'll come back to bite her in the ass eventually, so I would avoid being the whistle blower so it doesn't reflect poorly on you.

I had this problem with a co-worker. I would pleasantly listen to her and converse a little but she would go on and on and on and I would just start typing on my computer or pick up the phone and make a call and just start working. I almost felt like it was a control thing for her - like she wouldn't let you go willingly and it was insanely uncomfortable to break off the conversation like normal people would. So, that's what I would do, maybe give her 10 minutes of listening (she didn't really care what I had to say, it was all about her) then start working while she was still droning on. She would eventually (around 10 minutes after I started working) say, something like "oh, I won't go on, I know you have work to do" to which I would reply, "oh, I'm sorry, I just have to get these emails sent or phone call made" and she would say "oh, no problem, I have stuff to get done too."

anyway - we had a good working relationship even if she did drive me up the wall. she understood I would tune her out after a while...

Liz · Kenneth Cole

This is probably not the most mature way to handle this, but when I was in a situation similar to yours, I just gave her the "Pollyanna Treatment". Everytime she would complain I'd be irritatingly chipper and say completely annoying things like,"Turn that frown upside down!" It was so funny because she thought I was weird and started avoiding ME! I agree with everyone that she just wants attention for her pity party.

Plus, if you're saccarine sweet what is she going to tell your boss? That you're too perky and upbeat? Just let your co-worker friends in on the game because I had a friend ask if I was on Prozac once

atlgirl · Gucci

Bwahahahaha Liz! Like perky Sidney on Grey's Anatomy?

That's the best suggestion I've heard. I can just think of all sorts of inane things like "Keep a stiff upper lip" and "When you smile, the whole world smiles with you". It almost (but not quite!) makes me wish I had an annoying coworker to try this out on.

squishy · Coach

omg liz, you're killing me!! i'm trying not to giggle at work, but i'm failing.

i agree w/ atgirl that this sounds like the best way. she can't call you out for being too chipper/nice, she'll get the hell away from you, and you have the satisfaction of driving her completely crazy.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Love the Pollyanna idea. Inspired. Here's another one, courtesy of Office Space: "Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!"

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

sephorablue wrote:

Love the Pollyanna idea. Inspired. Here's another one, courtesy of Office Space: "Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!"

Classic!

Seriously these kind of people hate to be around someone who is happy and upbeat and optomistic. She is looking for a friend to join her pity party. I love all the suggestions to just be super happy upbeat and comback to every negative with a positive. She will start getting so sick of your happy comments and look for a new pity party friend.

Let us know what happens!!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

OMG - that pollyanna thing is AWESOME!!! So planning to copy you, dear...

kittenheels · Coach

Yikes! I am sorry to hear that! I like the idea of killing her with kindness. My favorite trick is to just sort of zone out around them and imagine really nice, happy things - like tropical islands, pastries in Paris...etc. Then you appear sort of sweet and spacey...and she might not think you respond enough.

I hope it gets better!