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Post Info TOPIC: Dealing w/Medling, critical, snobby "friends"
BargainQueen


Marc Jacobs

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Dealing w/Medling, critical, snobby "friends"
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I have this "friend" that works for the same company as I do but works for another dept.  Since I was promoted a year ago, she's been saying some pretty mean things to me in between our conversations.  I've kept my distance from her for a few months now, but her comments continue, I've tried telling her but then she makes me look like a super sensitive and anti social person.


Just now, she left early for the day (again) and walked past my desk b4 leaving and noticed I was on the internet and said, "Bye Hardworker!".  She's ALWAYS saying this and always 'casually' mentions how I never get work done because I'm on the internet all day like when I'm mention we worked OT due to last minute orders coming in, she says, "Was it because you were on the internet all day?" or "Does your DH get upset you shop all day at work?".  She makes me appear as if I'm just abusing my position and do nothing at work! She doesnt even sit where she can see my computer and I always finish my work before checking in ST.  Plus I never walk over around her desk to see who's MySpace page she's on or who she's messaging. 


She also has said to my face that I don't know how to manage my project/people well and didnt think she said anything offensive!  I've also changed my hours from 8-5 to 8:30 to 5:30, but I'm salary so it varies, sometimes I leave a little bit early, but sometimes Im here until 9 at night! and I travel, I dont get paid extra for that and she says, "Everyday you come in later and later, dont you? You've been coming in at 10am everyday" I said, "Umm no, I come in at 8:30, maybe 8:40 because I get stuck at DD babysitter's house" and she said, "No stop lying" and repeatedly said it 3 more times.  Eventually she made me very upset and I told her she was being very mean and said, "BQ, I'm not being mean, its the truth" and walked away and told one of her "friends" what a sourpuss I was.


I also made the mistake of taking a Math class w/her, and she was too cheap to buy a book and asked if I would share mine w/her.  After the weekend she always asks me if I did my HW and most of the time I say no, (I do it after work at the college's center) and she said, "I dont know how you say you dont have time to do your HW during the weekend, you have so much more time than I do - I still go home and commute 2 hours, clean, cook, workout and STILL make the time to do it, and its not fair cuz you take the book home and you dont cook or clean"  UMM HELLO? Its MY BOOK! BUY YOUR OWN!  2nd, I do cook and clean, but not hardcore like her, she thinks its weird I only clean on the weekend and only pick-up during the week and that I seldom have time to cook, but I do.  She thinks its ridiculous that I spend all weekend w/my daughter and DH, and thats just proof DH doesnt support my dreams of getting an education.


Honestly I think she's jealous of my hapiness, I think she's happy but all the criticism is making me think otherwise.  She's still in the same entry level position for 7 years, and I've been here 4 years and am already in management.  She says she has no interest to move up, because she's just here until she becomes a nurse.  And whenever she rolls her eyes when I tell her anything involving my family, I think she's jealous that DH loves spending so much time w/me and our DD.  I'm sick of hearing her in betwen the lines comments she sneaks in during our conversations and I want her to back off. 



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sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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RE: Dealing w/Medling, critical, snobby "friends"
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Since you work with her and thus can't be as rude to her as she deserves, I would just avoid, avoid, avoid. I wouldn't confront her or make a big deal out of it after what happened to you last time. What a nasty person! Man, you have some real gems at your office, don't you?

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NCshopper


Hermes

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So, correct me if I'm wrong, but the only reason you're still even associating with her is because she's in your math class and she works at your company, but in a different department?  If that's the case, you're really under no obligation to continue to really even talk to her.  It sounds like you're loosely associated with each other because of common circumstances, so I really think you only need to be civil with her at work and anything else is going above and beyond your obligations.  I'd say to cut this woman out of your life.


Also, for what it's worth, if she's not your boss then I don't see any reason why she should say anything at all about your hours or your work ethic.  You don't report to her.  Period.  If she calls you out on being late, don't respond.  By responding, you're only opening yourself up to further criticism/judgement and you're validating her questions by providing an answer.



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Kelly


Hermes

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She's so awful! The people you have to work with astound me. I don't know what I'd do if I had them for coworkers!

I think she's definitely jealous - she's jealous of your position and how high you've climbed, so she's finding any excuse to pick you down. She sounds like a perfectionist in the cooking and cleaning departments, maybe she hates that she can't excel at work as she does at home (or maybe everywhere else in her life)

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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RE: Dealing w/Medling, critical, snobby "friends"
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Try making her repeat her comment. Look at her steadily, raise your eyebrows, and, if you feel like being extra cold, make her repeat it again. Then just don't say anything. Look her in the eye and think, "You are NOTHING." But don't say it. Then walk off. She's attacking you. So you can be mean to her, you just can't LOOK like you're being mean to her. And yeesh. Your office sounds like my law school. I remember work as a BREAK from insane people (or at least a place where they were easier to get away from).


PS - Whatever you do, don't defend yourself when she criticizes you for not cleaning your house often enough (wth?) Just rephrase what she said as a polite question. "You think I should clean my house more?" Then just look at her like she's crazy and don't say anything more about it. If you want to be really mean, you could say, "Why?" And watch her squirm while SHE tries to explain. But she wants you to efend yourself so she can keep the criticism coming. This shuts her down and puts it back on HER.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 23:00, 2006-11-14

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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RE: Dealing w/Medling, critical, snobby "friends"
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What a toxic person. I agree -- avoid, avoid, avoid. You're under no obligation to talk to this person. All you need to do is be cool and polite and that's it. I admire your ability to refrain from punching her in the face thus far!

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D


Hermes

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RE: Dealing w/Medling, critical, snobby "friends"
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I agree with the others that she's jealous, and to avoid her. I also agree with Dizzy as to how to react toward her. It leaves her with nothing to come back with. If she's persistant look at your watch and say, "oh! I'm sorry, I have to go" and walk away.



-- Edited by D at 23:08, 2006-11-14

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Bastet


Kate Spade

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RE: Dealing w/Medling, critical, snobby "friends"
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Clearly she's jealous of you if she's making digs at you about your family.  IMO that's highly inappropriate and if she makes nasty comments about your husband or daughter you should call her on it. But I'm probably more confrontational than I should be.    The hardest part of avoiding a toxic co worker is dealing with them when they come over to your desk, making avoidance impossible.  If she comes to your desk, maybe take that time to run to the ladies room, tell her you have to return some phone calls, or tell her politely that you are swamped with a ton of work and you can't talk now.  If she makes an "oh, you're swamped because you were on the internet all day" comment, I think what Dizzy said is a great idea.  



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Jahni


Dooney & Bourke

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Do Dizzy's idea!! Do Dizzy's idea!! That would make her look like such a meddling fool!! And you can feel good that you took the high road and refused to sink to her level!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 


 



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Sibeski


Dooney & Bourke

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I would like to know - where is her manager?  This girl is in another dept. and therefore has no reason to be at your desk.  You should not have to leave your desk, and your work behind to avoid such a person.  Try avoiding her and turning her words back on her, but do not allow her to continue her harrassment of you!  You don't need her in your life, if all else fails, tell her directly to leave you alone or speak with her manager. 


Grrr....



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squishy


Coach

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Jahni wrote:

Do Dizzy's idea!! Do Dizzy's idea!! That would make her look like such a meddling fool!! And you can feel good that you took the high road and refused to sink to her level!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ditto.  i was getting pissed for you while reading this

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kittenheels


Coach

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Poor baby!  I think Dizzy's suggestion is great.  Evil coworkers are the worst!

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Farrah


Marc Jacobs

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I recently ran into my former boss (the evil b-tch) and when she acted all sweet and tried to talk to me I smiled, looked right at her and said, "No offense, but I really don't have anything to say to you.  Have a super day though!" 


I would try that one on this piece of poo...if that doesn't work tell her to "F off", HA!!



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