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jacL


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My BF's family think he is mean to me (LONG)
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I feel silly thinking this is a problem, but it sort of is...


My BF, R, and I have this way of joking around with one another where it may seem rude to outsiders.  We never say anything really bad but will call each other "Dork" or "Loser"...stuff like that.  His parents are the same way so his immediate family thinks nothing of it but some members of his extended family are surprised by this.  For example, last Thanksgiving we were all at his uncle's house for dinner and I asked R to go get me another serving of potatoes.  He said "get it your own self," as he was smiling and getting up to go get my potatoes.  We shared a laugh, because obviously if he was being rude, he would not have smiled and got the potatoes--only I guess this is not so obvious to some members of his family.  His aunt remarked how he should treat me nicer (some people think she was overstepping her boundaries by this observation, but I disagree--I know she was truly alarmed at what she thought to be rude behavior and only meant the best). 


Things like this happen all the time when we are with his extended family.  They just don't know how we joke around and if they say he should be nicer, I feel like I am covering for him if I try to step in and say that is just how we joke and he really does treat me like his Princess.  I don't want to seem like the abused girlfriend in denial.


I have talked to R many times about this and he always says he will refrain from joking around like this in front of certain people--but of course, in typical guy fashion, he forgets.  Does anyone have this problem?  Is there anything I can do to let others know it is okay and he is not being mean?  While I love getting together with his family, I am actually sort of dreading the Holiday season because I know this will crop up again. 



-- Edited by jacL at 10:23, 2006-10-25

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blubirde


Chanel

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That's a tricky one, eh? Frankly, you're not going to be able to change what the relatives think (or their way of thinking). So the easiest thing to change is your bf's behavior. Obviously both of you think there's nothing wrong with the way you interact with each other, which is good, but others' reaction to it makes you (at least) uncomfortable.


Lay it all out for BF and tell him that he needs to cool it with the extended fam. If he forgets, politely remind him in the car on the way there, in the hallway when you're passing him, or even at the dinner table as you're sitting down. He'll remember if you keep putting it in his face.


It sucks that they're so bothered by his behavior but at least they care enough to care about you. Good luck and I hope this holiday season is incident free!



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Deuce


Dooney & Bourke

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My ex bf and I had a similar type of interaction (not the reason for the ex part, we are still great friends) Outsiders would seem alarmed at times, but we were having fun. I really think the important thing is that the two of you are happy and the relationship works for you.


The things I would suggest is to perhaps show them that you have some attitude or remarks of your own. Show them that you can hold your own. If he says to get something yourself (even though you see the smile and know he is kidding),  wait untill he goes to get it and remark about how well trained he is inspite if his protests or something to that effect.  Either that or have a conversation on the side about all of the wonderful things he does for you, to let certian concerned family members hear about the good things they may not get to see on those short visits.


It sounds like you have a great relationship I would not worry about it too much. I think they just really like you and want to make sure you are around for a long long time.



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jacL


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Yeah, I know they just mean well, but it is still annoying.  It is really only a certain 2 or 3 females who are very sensitive in general so maybe I just shouldn't let it bother me too much.


I just have to get ready for yet another season of it all.  But thanks for the advice, girls! 



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