STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

jah · Dooney & Bourke

RE: again...

atlgirl · Gucci

Oh, my heart hurts for you and your children. I am so sorry things have turned out like this for you! But truly, you are (and will be) better off. NO ONE deserves abusive behavior. I know you feel lost and scared and probably very low on self-confidence since this has been going on for so long, but you have two children who need you and you need to take care of yourself too.

It's totally understandable that you miss your husband. He's been a huge part of your life for a long time, and it's natural to miss what we're used to having, even if it's not ultimately the best thing for us. This will change and you won't miss him so much as time goes by. I promise!! You have every right to feel angry, sad, scared, hurt - don't bury those feelings because they will only fester and it will take you longer to heal. Let yourself process them as you feel them, and be sure to let your kids process theirs, as painful as I know it is to you. You all will grieve for the old relationship, and that's natural.

I agree with NCshopper that if you can find someone to talk to, PLEASE do so. If you can't afford a counselor (many work on a sliding scale), does your work have some sort of EAP that you could use (I think DH's EAP has a set number of visits for no charge, or some very minimal charge, with lawyers, counselors, etc)? Is there a pastor or someone who can help you through this process?

It's hard to see your kids so hurt but know that *you* are not responsible for this - that is your husband's doing. Don't let their sadness and pain push you back into something that is not good for you - or, truly, for them - because you feel bad. You are doing the best thing for them...would you rather be the example of the mom who's a doormat and just stayed with Daddy even though he walked all over her, cheating, keeping secrets, being abusive, or would you want to be the example of the mom who stood up for herself (and her children!) and said, "This behavior is unacceptable, and we're not going to allow you to continue it"? You must do what is best for you and the children. I know this is so difficult and hard on you but you are strong and you WILL get through it!!

Please feel free to come here anytime and share with us when you need to. There's a whole supportive world here for you, no matter how frequent (or infrequent) your posts may be. *hugs*

squishy · Coach

as hard as it can be, please don't blame yourself for this. it's apparent that he's the asshole and he's been such an asshole that he's convinced you that it was your fault. and your children will be better off in the long run. they might pine for him now, but it might be because they haven't known anything better...

ditto on atlgirl's words.. if you can talk it out with someone face-to-face, it might help in some way. and take care of yourself. little things can make a difference...

i hope you feel better soon :)

Mandy · Kate Spade

oh sweetie. im so sorry. ((((hugs))) its normal to miss him now, but you are doing the right thing.

Alikat · Kate Spade

I'm so sorry you are going through this... I agree, you will miss him for a long time, but it is better for you and your boys this way. Sending you positive thoughts and encouragement!

rlutz · Chanel

I am so sorry that you have to go through this...

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I agree, what you're feeling is normal. You have spent a long time with your husband, starting from a very young age. You became an adult with this man -- it is natural that you feel overwhelmed and maybe even lost right now.

But as hard as this is, remember you are still a young woman. You will not be alone for the rest of your life. You are obviously a warm, caring person, and someday when you're ready, you will find love with another person again.

I think your husband has made it clear that he will always put himself, and whatever whims he has, first, without considering what it will do to you or your children. You are better off without a man like that, and I think your children will be too. They're so young that they can't really understand what's happening -- and maybe they shouldn't yet. With time, they be able to understand it and to see your point of view -- and that you did the right thing.

My own dad went through a similar thing in his childhood -- his dad cheated on his mom repeatedly -- if you ever want to talk about it and his experience, please feel free to PM me.

gypsyfreak · Coach

I'm very sorry that you have to go through this. ((((hugs)))) Remember to stay strong for you and your children. You are doing the right thing.

laken1 · Hermes

ugh- my heart hurts for you. Divorce is so freaking hard & what I learned through therapy is that you do go through the stages of grief just like you deal with a death. It is the death of you marriage & it's ok to feel however you feel rather it's angry, sad, depressed, afraid etc. Please go see a professional if you can. Let us know what we can do to help.

small fry · Chanel

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) my heart goes out to you. I agree with the other ladies it takes time to get over something like this. The feeling you have are normal. My first husband I and I were together for 13 years and I was 18 when I meet him. He was a huge part of my life and I still think of him quite often. It will take time but you will heal and find that you are much better with out him and all his heartache he brought you.We are here for you please keep us posted.

ayo · Coach

I just saw this post..

just wanted to let you know I am soo sorry.

((((hugs)))))

Eurodaisy · Dooney & Bourke

My apologies for not seeing this thread earlier...

I am so sorry you and your kids are having to go through this. It's scary to be in this situation and feel like you've totally lost control. Stay strong, hun. Believe that things will work out for the best... because they will.

We are here for you!

Alegria · Kate Spade

-- Edited by shpgqueenet at 00:15, 2006-11-07

Eurodaisy · Dooney & Bourke

I'm just..... damn, I'm just so sorry..... what a tough time this must be

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

-- Edited by Eurodaisy at 10:46, 2006-10-23

asf · Kate Spade

just wanted to add myself to the hug train, and tell you how sorry i am for you and your sons. it's going to be hard for a long while, for sure, but you'll come out of this a stronger person. your husband obviously is not invested in the relationship anymore, and it's unfair of you to convince yourself that it *might* work out - you'll be better off without him in the long run. and your sons will be okay, too - they have a wonderful, strong, loving mother.

good luck, we're here for you!

Tati · Chanel

I'm so sorry for everything you and your kids are going through. Please hang in there, be strong for your kids and concentrate on them and on yourself. Take care and know that we are all here for you!

Hugs and kisses,