STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Alegria · Kate Spade

again...

Alegria · Kate Spade

-- Edited by shpgqueenet at 00:16, 2006-11-07

ILoveChoo · Hermes

((((((hugs)))))))

I don't know what to say, but know that this is not your fault and if you ever need to vent or anything, I'm here. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

edited because I just saw the second post. Totally not your problem. Today is Sunday- give him until next Sunday. That's more than enough time to get his shit out. You don't need to be staring at it as a constant reminder.

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 09:10, 2006-10-15

itsapinkthing · Coach

I am so sorry you are going through this. As hard as it is try to be strong for your kids. For yourself you need to try to limit contact with him as right now all of it will be anrgy, accusing, and emotional (rightly so, it sounds like). That is too draining for you when you need to focus on yourself and your children.
Do you have a garage you could put his stuff in and give him access to? I do not think it's fair to allow him to come and go and get his stuff randomly, it will make it to hard on everyone.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

(((hugs)))

I am so sorry. I can't imagine how much courage it took for you to walk away from a person you have spent over half of your life with, but from what you said, you absolutely made the right decision! You deserve so much better than a man who lies to you repeatedly and takes advantage of you. *And* has anger management problems.

His story about having no place to store his stuff is total BS. One, he can take it to his parents house. And two, if he has enough money to send another woman flowers, then he should have enough money for a storage unit. He's just trying to manipulate you with this. You could just take his stuff to his parents' house so you can avoid an emotional scene where he shows up at your place to get it himself.

You mention that he has used intimidation in the past. I don't know what happened, but you might want to change your locks just to make sure he can't access your home.

You've done the hardest part already -- it *will* get better! Be good to yourself.

kenzie · Chanel

(((((big hugs)))))) I'm so sorry to hear all of this is happening to you! I don't really know what else to say, but you're in my thoughts! ((((Hugs again))))

luckylily · Gucci

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry. You are so strong and courageous to make your own mental health and that of your kids a top priority. Take care of yourself.

I agree w/ ILC. Give him a week for the stuff.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

I agree with one week also. Tell him he has until next sunday. If it isnt picked up by then salvation army will be there monday morning to pick it up. He can either go pay to get it back from them or make the priority to pick it from your house.

He has made his bed, now make him sleep in it. Since you have been with him since you were 15 years old, it must be very scary for you to have this happen. Dont let that fear of being alone or being worried about money let you stay trapped by this abussive behavior. You are worth so much more ..

On a side note - My sister in law had something very similar happen to her. They have 5 kids. She let the situation make her very bitter and her feelings about her husband were very obvious to her kids. Her kids have grown up hating there father , and the girls have grown up with a very bad perspective on relationships and men.
For your sake and your kids, I would say only talk to him in a nuetral place without the kids around so that you dont add to there confusion or scare them.

Best of luck - keep us updated!

blubirde · Chanel

Oh shpqueenet, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine a more sucky situation.

I agree with what everyone else said about giving him one week. I'd also arrange to have the locks changed as well. There's no use in him having free access to the house you're now paying for. He needs to know you're in control of your life now - as hard as that is.

As for your kids, I'm sure you're doing everything right. It's really hard on kids to have their parents split up - obviously. Keeping one's emotions away from the kids is very important. Being a bad husband is not the same as being a bad father. (Although sometimes it seems like it is.)

About posting here - don't worry about it! You can post here as often or as little as you need. We'll all listen, no matter what.

(((hugs)))

NCshopper · Hermes

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear this news. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You're going to get through this and you're going to be okay.

I agree with one week for him to get his stuff out and I agree with blubirde that having the locks changed will be a good idea for you and for the kids.

As far as how to stay strong...just keep in mind you have to be strong for the kids. But you're also going to have to find a way to be able to really feel your emotions, if that makes sense. You can't deny that this is going to be hard and sad and disappointing and hurtful and all of that. Try to find someone you can talk to about it, either your parents, a best friend, a counselor, or a pastor. You need to have an adult to talk to about this so that you can stay strong for your kids.

Post here as much or as little as you want and need. Know that we're all here pulling for you.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

Big hugs!!! We are here for you and you can and will get through this. You can pm me if you need to talk! You and your kids will be better off in the long run, just keep reminding yourself that.

cat · Marc Jacobs

(((Hugs))) I am so sorry,just try to hang in their you will be okay.

I agree with the other girls on giving him a week to get his stuff.It's his problem if he doesn't have a place to keep it ,not yours.

rosie_the_riveter · Gucci

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear what you and your kids are having to go through. Be strong. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.

travelgirl · Kate Spade

Aww hon! This is awful. Just remember karma will come back around-AND everything happens for a reason. For now, please use us for support-that's why we're here!

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}} I know that it is so hard to share such emotional issues. You are definitely doing the right thing. Just concentrate on you and your kids. Make sure that you do things for you that make you happy and help you deal with the situation.

Like scarlett said, I would suggest that you change the locks. You don't need him just showing up inside YOUR house.

Thoughts are with you.

kittenheels · Coach

I am sending you lots of good vibes. I can't imagine how you must feel. Hang in there. I like what travel girl said about karma. I think she's right. We all support you!

Alegria · Kate Spade

Please help me. I am so sad. My kids are breaking my heart. My youngest (8)sobbed like a baby and just kept saying "I don't want you guys to get a divorce" My oldest(14) was so upset. He left the room and was stomping around. He said he was fine and would help to take care of his brother. I was hugging him and it felt like he was trying to comfort me instead of the other way around. He said he was upset because his brother was so sad. Now he has just been moping and acting very depressed. Now they have both been calling him all night and can't get a hold of him. His mom told me that he was out watching football. My youngest asked his brother what time football was over and he said around 8:30 so he has been watching the clock all night. I don't know what to do. He just got done telling them that he would be there for them anyday, anytime, just to call him even if it meant they only wanted to talk for 15 minutes and now within hours of his promise to them they can't get a hold of him.

To make matters worse I miss him. I'm wondering how hard I should try. I hate for us to be this sad. Yet he seems to be feeling none of it. What the hell do I do? I don't want to be alone, I don't want my kids to miss their dad, and I don't want to be treated badly either. Help me be strong please. I am mad at myself for allowing myself to want my husband back. I know I am doing the right thing it is just making me and my kids hurt so badly that I want the hurt to stop.

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

It is going to be a tough time, so all of your emotions and your boys' feels are totally warranted and normal. Of course you are going to miss him, but what do you miss? Do the things you miss outweigh the bad things that he has done? Try to think long run in this situation, as hard as that might be. Do you want to possibly deal with this again if you work it out?

Please don't be upset with yourself for missing him, it is normal; he's been in your life for a long time. It isn't easy to just get over a relationship like that. And about being alone, you will have your boys and they will have you. It really sounds like everyone will be better off without him there (sorry if that sounds harsh).

Have the strength and courage to walk away from this not only for you, but for your boys because to be in a situation where someone has anger issues it not fair to anyone.

Do whatever you need to do to deal with the situation without talking to him. Talking to him right now might be too much because it is so fresh, though it must be done at some time. If talking to someone will help, do that. If crying will help, do that. Do whatever it takes to help yourself feel better.

I would also suggest not to internalize your bad feelings because they will eventually come back and get you later. Feel everything and try to move on. The hurt will stop eventually, it can't last forever. You are strong enough to get through this.

Sending you strength and courage.

halleybird · Hermes

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please stay strong and try to remember what's best for your kids in the long run, whatever that may be. For what it's worth, I was a little younger than your youngest when my parents divorced, and though it was hard, it was the right thing for them to do. As an adult, I am happy they didn't stay together -- I think my childhood was actually healthier this way.

We are all here for you!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I'm so sorry sweetie - so very sorry. It will suck for a while, but I swear it will get better. And good for you for standing up for yourself. He is the one who can't handle boundaries, and that makes normal people feel crazy. Because he's soooooo positive that it's YOU being the problem. But you know, underneath it all, that you're not. I wish you didn't have to go through this. We're always here for you... {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}