STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> UPDATED- I think I've lost my mind. Please help me find it. (long)
Post Info TOPIC: UPDATED- I think I've lost my mind. Please help me find it. (long)
kenzie


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4919
Date:
UPDATED- I think I've lost my mind. Please help me find it. (long)
Permalink Closed

*Scroll down the thread for my update*


Don't quote me, I might delete some of this later...


Okay, I'm not sure how much sense this is all going to make b/c I've been a little spacey in the past few days, but here it goes...

You all remember my friend 'D' (yep, yep, same one-- it's been almost a year now). Anyway, quick background-- we're co-workers, we dated briefly last winter, but neither of us were really ready for anything at the moment, so we backed off.


So, we've still been hanging out on a regular basis, occasionally hook-up, but not dating. I have this awful defense mechanism that makes me (yes, makes me) say really, really idiotic things that indicate that I'm not interested in him. Basically, instead of being honest (and making myself vulnerable), I've built up this miserable wall so that he's thinking I don't care. For what it's worth, he's the type of guy who needs to beat over the head repeatedly before he realizes that someone is interested in him. So, obviously, I'm not really helping the situation with my ridiculous rantings.


Apparently, he's told one of our mutual friends that he really likes me, but we work together so he doesn't know what do about that (apparently, he's got an issue with that). Point taken, but seriously, this is getting ridiculous.


I know that he cares about me (eyes don't lie), but he's gone out on two dates with this other girl (in the past three weeks) who lives two hours away (long story on how that met; she is from the town we live in, mutual friends set them up, blah, blah, blah). He doesn't really seem interested in her at all when he talks about her to me or to our mutual friend (who he told about me). I've also dated a few other people, but no one compares to him.


A little analogy, if you will-- Say that you're really, really hungry for some filet mignon, but there aren't any restaurants nearby to get it. But McDonald's drive-thru is open, so you go there and get a hamburger. The hamburger tastes good, but when you're finished, you still want that damn filet and you just can't get it out of your head. Yeah, D is a filet and I've been eating way too many hamburgers. Something tells me that he's done the same. We're a pair of filets. Silly, I know. But I did tell you that I was losing my mind.


It's to the point where I must say something to him b/c this silly little girl that lives two hours away is chasing him down like a wild beast and I fear that he may just settle b/c he thinks that he can't have me or that I'm not interested.


So, ladies, here is my plea-- what should I say to him? I really, really care about him and I know I've said some really, really dumb things, but I know that he cares about me. Of course, we always have that annoying little work thing, but neither of us plan on being at that company forever. Help. I'm driving myself nuts.  





-- Edited by kenzie at 09:49, 2006-10-07

__________________
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2130
Date:
RE: I think I've lost my mind. Please help me find it. (long)
Permalink Closed

Good luck babe! My vote: don't say, do. Give a hint. Arrange to be alone. See how that goes. Touch him, neutrally. See how that goes. Touch him less neutrally. Jump his bones.

__________________
Elle


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 7139
Date:
Permalink Closed

So ... do you want to be with him?  Like you and him together, not seeing anyone else, serious-ish like?


If so, then I think a grand gesture of sorts is in order.  I'd tell him the plain old truth, because it sounds like he might be the kind of person that could handle that without being an ass:  That you care about him, and you know you say stupid things sometimes but it's only to try to protect yourself, and that knowing that he's seeing that other girl makes you feel icky, and that you're tired of eating hamburgers .


ETA:  Just saw Dizzy's post, so I'm going to add this:  The speech should be made in the rain, and then you can carry out Dizzy's plot after that !


And then, you should promptly write a book about all this, which will be turned into a movie, and you will be very rich.


(I'll delete that later if the specifics bother you - just say the word )



-- Edited by Elle at 18:45, 2006-10-02

__________________
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
kenzie


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4919
Date:
Permalink Closed

Elle wrote:


So ... do you want to be with him?  Like you and him together, not seeing anyone else, serious-ish like?


If so, then I think a grand gesture of sorts is in order.  I'd tell him the plain old truth, because it sounds like he might be the kind of person that could handle that without being an ass:  That you care about him, and you know you say stupid things sometimes but it's only to try to protect yourself, and that knowing that he's seeing that other girl makes you feel icky, and that you're tired of eating hamburgers .


And then, you should promptly write a book about all this, which will be turned into a movie, and you will be very rich.


(I'll delete that later if the specifics bother you - just say the word )




Yeah, I'm definitely to the point where something's gotta give. I don't necessarily want to jump into a crazy-serious relationship, but I'd like to really see where this could go. We've got a good thing going and know each other really, really well, but we're 'just friends.' Blech! I am so tired of eating hamburgers (I really was thinking of using that analogy with him). He would be amused by it, if nothing else.


I definitely think that we are both mature enough to handle the truth and deal with it in an adult manner. Our mutual friend seems to think that the biggest issue D has is the work thing, but mutual friend is willing to beat D over the head and tell him that it's really not a big deal (especially not in our office).


Argh!! I agree, it's grand gesture time. I've never done anything like this before; I've never really had to. This situation is so different from any that I've ever been in before and he's worth the risk.



__________________
Kelly


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 5919
Date:
Permalink Closed

Oh, please take the risk! You know that if you don't, you'll always be wondering what would happen if you had. I've been in the hamburger vs. filet situation. It's hell, because you really do think the hamburger is tasty and would probably be perfect if you didn't know filets existed... but since you do, you can't quit thinking about said filet (I'm sorry, I'm getting a huge kick out of this metaphor! hehe). I don't think the work issue is a problem. I think tons of people meet great relationships at work; I know a lot of married couples who met at work. Unless your company has a policy against it, it's not a problem. If neither of you want to spend your life at the company, there is especially no problem. You already proved once that you can cool things off while continuing to have a functioning working relationship.

Decide if you want him, and then do something asap. The other girl just might get him because he doesn't know what to do about you, and doesn't know that you feel this way.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 20:42, 2006-10-02

__________________

Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
squishy


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1540
Date:
Permalink Closed

kenzie wrote:

Argh!! I agree, it's grand gesture time. I've never done anything like this before; I've never really had to. This situation is so different from any that I've ever been in before and he's worth the risk.


just tell him this, or something along the lines of this (and please use the hamburger reference. it's too cute).  it sounds like once he knows he's your filet, he'd be willing to take the jump. so even if you don't make a grand grand gesture and make just a semi-grand one, you'd be ok (does that make any sense?).


good luck!


PS: just say the word, and i'll delete parts/all of this post!



__________________
nonsense!
kenzie


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4919
Date:
Permalink Closed


I knew I could count on you girls to make me feel better and bring me to my senses. I'm going to say something this week (maybe tomorrow night--he's supposed to be coming over to fix my sink--no, really, an actual sink, the pipes are, um clogged). Anyway...


There's no company policy against it, so work isn't an issue, or at least it shouldn't be. If this other girl gets him, it's not going to be because I sat back and let it happen.


ttara123, I love how you expounded upon the hamburger/filet analogy. squishy, lmao! He's 'my filet.' HAHA! It's funny 'cuz it's true. And Dizzy, trust me, there will be some jumping.



-- Edited by kenzie at 20:48, 2006-10-02

__________________
blubirde


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4845
Date:
Permalink Closed

I think it's great that you've decided to say something to him. I agree with the other girls about grand gesture time. Oh, fun! Maybe make him dinner with wine and candles and all that so when he comes over he knows it's about more than an, ahem, "clogged" sink.

If you're sure, then go for it. There's nothing like wasted opportunities to drive you crazy, right?

Do it and keep us posted. I absolutely have to know what happens!

__________________
http://dailypointers.blogspot.com/
scarlett


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2117
Date:
Permalink Closed

Oh yes, say something! This sounds so like you are supposed to be together. Just say to him what you said to us, and he will find you irresistible! I don't think the work thing should be a problem, as long as you're not singing each other love songs by the copy machine. ;)

__________________
http://fugitiveduck.blogspot.com/
kittenheels


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1520
Date:
Permalink Closed

I say do the grand gesture!  Good luck!

__________________
Kelly


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 5919
Date:
Permalink Closed

blubirde wrote:

Oh, fun! Maybe make him dinner with wine and candles and all that so when he comes over he knows it's about more than an, ahem, "clogged" sink.


If you make him dinner, PLEASE make hamburgers and filet!!!!

__________________

Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
lynnie


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 3612
Date:
Permalink Closed

how romantic!  two filets deserve each other.  i'm a fan of the grand gesture myself.

__________________

my fashion/style thoughts www.poetryofpause.com 
Lilykind


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 6191
Date:
Permalink Closed


scarlett wrote:


  I don't think the work thing should be a problem, as long as you're not singing each other love songs by the copy machine. ;)


LMAO!


BF and I work together and our boss has always been cool with it so it can work.


I can't wait for the grand gesture! Let us know what happens!



__________________
blubirde


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4845
Date:
Permalink Closed

Oh, I'm so excited for you! I am listening to a Bangles cd and the song "Be With You" came on. A huge wave of giddiness came over me (all for you). Are you going to do it tonight? If so, I want updates!


Here's the song, for reference for those of you not as obsessed with the Bangles as I am:


Out my window
The rain starts to fall
And the wind blows
Through an empty hall
In the mirror
Reflections of you
In the distance I hear a sound
Is that you coming around

Oh, what you gonna do
I think I should be with you
A love that's overdue
Oh I think I should be with you

Thought I saw you
In a stranger's face
Or should I walk away
Should I call you
'Round the corner
Is around the world
Is that you looking at me
Or am I living a dream

And when I'm lost in a dream
You are all I can see
All alone in the night I'm waiting for you
Every moment I'd die
Just to look in your eyes
The dream is alive, I'm waiting

Oh my, how I try
To make you see that
I should be with you


Hee!!! Awesome.



__________________
http://dailypointers.blogspot.com/
kenzie


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4919
Date:
Permalink Closed

blubirde, love the song lyrics!


MEH! He's working his side job tonight. I will talk to him this week. At this point, there's not much to lose (we'll be friends regardless) and everything to gain.



__________________
Kelly


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 5919
Date:
Permalink Closed

Curious minds want to know!

What happened?

__________________

Fashion is art you live your life in. - Devil Wears Prada | formerly ttara123
Farrah


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2353
Date:
Permalink Closed

I can't wait to hear how this goes...I ate soooooooo many crappy hamburgers before I sunk my teeth into my delicious Filet of a BF and I have never looked back!!!


Good luck girl!!!



__________________

"Whatever you are, be a good one." --Abraham Lincoln
ILoveChoo


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 5131
Date:
Permalink Closed

omg, I just saw this thread and I am DYING laughing.

And by unclogging you sink, you mean he needs to snake your pipes? sorry, couldn't resist!!

good luck, girl! go get 'em!

__________________
"Life's too short to wear ugly shoes."

My recipe blog: healthy-delicious.com
poptart


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1764
Date:
Permalink Closed

ILoveChoo wrote:

omg, I just saw this thread and I am DYING laughing.

And by unclogging you sink, you mean he needs to snake your pipes? sorry, couldn't resist!!

good luck, girl! go get 'em!


I just saw this too. Yaaaay! And LMAO re: pipes, snaking, sink, filet, hamburger.

Can we get a McUpdate? (Does that work if he is filet? )

__________________
Forget, forgive, conclude, and be agreed. - Shakespeare
kenzie


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4919
Date:
UPDATED- I think I've lost my mind. Please help me find it. (long)
Permalink Closed

*UPDATE*


Thursday, McStubborn (that's my new name for him) came over to unclog the pipes and as he was putting on rubber gloves he said, "I'm going to try to keep this strictly medical." Hysterical.


So, anyway, I finally told him. I didn't use the hamburger/filet thing, but I did say basically everything else. He is still hung up on the work issue (as I knew he would be b/c I know him) and he kept saying how much it sucks, but as long as we work together he just can't be anything more than friends. He said it already bothers him that rumors are flying about us and he hates anyone to know anything about his life outside of work and this is just too much.


I've never met anyone so stubborn and so hung up about the work thing. It's hard to explain without you guys knowing him, but it's really just the way he is. He's got some really unique views about certain things and he just won't budge, even if his own happiness is at stake. He'd rather hold in all of his emotions and suck it up and deal with it, than be part of the work fishbowl and have everyone knowing his (our) business. Apparently, McStubborn also had a bad experience with dating a co-worker once and that concerns him, too. I guess they dated for a month or two and he decided that it wasn't going to work (for reasons other than being co-workers) and she turned into this crazy psycho and made his life hell. However, it's been nearly a year with him and I with this on-again, off-again thing and I've yet to turn into a 'crazy psycho' with him. And I never would. With all the crazy shit that we've been through, if I was going to be a psycho, I would have done it long ago.


So, long story short, he's miserable and trying to keep himself under control. I'm miserable and feel completely out of control. And we still have to see each other everyday at work anyway and we continue to hang out but it's hard for him to 'keep things strictly medical' (yep, he said that was hard for him to do, in those exact words. If we didn't work together, we'd be together. We'd have been together long ago. His words.


I talked to one of his good friends (who's known him for about 15 years) about the situation and he wasn't at all surprise that McStubborn was making this kind of a decision, even though the rest of the world thinks that he's being ridiculous.


So, that's the update. But then, if anyone read my post in career and education, the work thing might not be a problem for much longer.



-- Edited by kenzie at 09:57, 2006-10-07

__________________
1 2  >  Last»  | Page of 2  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> relationships -> UPDATED- I think I've lost my mind. Please help me find it. (long)
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard