STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Karina · Chanel

Bachelor Parties

Kelly · Hermes

I've only had to deal with bfs going to bachelor parties that did not involve anything especially raunchy, like strippers, etc. But I've thought about it a lot, because I didn't always know where they were going and that was a distinct possibility in my mind.

If it's a night of drinking, partying, or a poker game kind of guys night, I'm fine with him going. If I think there's going to be something like strippers involved, I will severely dislike it...but I wouldn't ever say anything or try to tell him not to go. I understand that this is his friend's last hurrah before being married, and while I might not approve of how the friend wants to spend this night, I do understand that it's important for my guy to be able to join in this with his friend. I'll hate it internally, but I'd never take it out on my bf or tell him not to go. I guess I see it as one of those grin and bear it things. I'm not sure it's my place to be able to define what a bachelor party should and should not be, especially if my guy has no control over the events. My level of discomfort with it, though, would really depend on the guy. I guess if it was a guy who I thought would go to a strip club on his own, it couldn't be anyone I would be really serious about to begin with. And I would hope that anyone I was really serious about wouldn't even have friends who would consider this a good party. But if all the rest of the party is going, I don't want to embarass him or have him resent me by demanding that he duck out early.

However, if my own fiance wanted a raunchy bachelor party we'd have a problem. And if I had a bf who was actually in charge of planning the party and he planned things I didn't like, we'd have a problem there too.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 17:21, 2006-09-11

Kitty · Hermes

Luckily my bf is older and doesn't really have any friends who would be the type to have crazy bachelor parties. I doubt when we get married that he'll even have one.

I'm sort of a control freak and I dont' think I'd be cool w/ my boyfriend going to one of these things.

Elle · Hermes

Hubby went fishing with the guys for his, and then he and his friends and me and my friends all went out on the town barhopping together.

Strippers are not something that has ever been okay in our relationship - that goes for bachelor parties too.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

My husband and I choose not to do the bachlor/bacherlotte party and instead had a huge party with all our friends the night before our marriage.

I really dont like what it stands for - strippers, "last night of freedom" , and excuse to behave badly.

I dont have any issues with a normal guys night out - a poker game, bar hopping etc, because I think that since this is a normal get together it has less pressure for the guys to act badly.

just my 2 cents ...

twinkle · Coach

i find them terrifying. my bf is extremely honest w me and has told me disturbing things about many of the ones he has attended- guys sleeping w strippers, etc . luckily i know he would never do anything like that but its pretty scary.

blubirde · Chanel

If I ever get married, I'm going to party like a rockstar and that includes going to a male stripclub (preferably in Vegas but that's neither here nor there). If I can do something like that, then he can too.

That said, I'd definitely talk to him before hand and make sure we were both on the same page about what we were going to do and what each of us would feel comfortable with the other doing. For instance, he could get a lap dance but I'd demand he not get turned on by it (hee) and I'd probably only want him to get one, not while away the evening with some girl's boobs in his face. I'd abide by the same "comfortable" standard.

Basically I'd hope that at that point I'd trust him not to do anything crazy and vice versa. I'd also ask him to tell his guy friends ahead of time what was cool and what was not so they'd know, too.

I'd want my/our bachelor/bachelorette parties to be crazy fun with our friends, not nights of debauchery. I'd make that clear and then be done with it.

Are you having one or thinking about having one for your wedding?

halleybird · Hermes

my husband had two -- one was with his single friends (drinking/fishing) and one with his married friends. It was supposed to be a "night on the town" but they took him to a strip club. To be honest, I don't love that they did that, but I trust him completely and I am sure it was all in good fun.

laken1 · Hermes

Here's how I feel about it - strip club - I'd rather them not, but realize they probably will, and ok, whatever. Strippers they hire to go somewhere? No way in hell. And it depends on the guy. My ex husband, I would worry all night & forever. My current husband, I wouldn't care as much because he is extremely unlikely to do anything I disapprove of because that's the kind of guy he is.

ETA: And my extent of disapproval would also depend on the friends he was with - and that's true rather it was his given for him or one he attended.

-- Edited by laken1 at 18:06, 2006-09-11

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Like Twinkle, they terrify me. Luckily, my BF has no interest in strip clubs and told me he'd just want to go out for a steak dinner and then to a jazz club for his bachelor party. Since we may be getting engaged in the next 6 months, this is very reassuring to know.

I've heard some bad stories about men at these things too, one of them about a friend of the BF's. He even told me he thinks this guy would pressure him to have strippers at his bachelor party. I trust my BF and know he would never do anything, but it still really ticks me off to imagine this guy pressuring him.

eta: Thought of a couple other things -- I don't understand the whole "last night of freedom" thing and why there's this idea you have to see strippers, especially with men who never normally do that. How did this even get started?

Also, I was in a strip club once and even had a lap dance, actually -- it was 5 years ago and I was out with co-workers so I had no say on where we went, and then someone paid for a lap dance for me and I was too chicken to refuse -- and I realized the whole thing is not sexual at all for the stripper. They're just doing a job, and not into it. So that helped a lot with taking some of the mystique out of the whole thing, but having said that, I am still relieved my BF isn't interested in that for his bachelor party!

-- Edited by scarlett at 20:07, 2006-09-11

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

I think that strippers for a bachelor's party are not ok, at least not with me. It just seems to be disrespectful to the relationship of the to-be-weds. I know that my bf would never have them and all of his friends are very conservative, at least in this respect. I think that AllieGurl's idea of a huge party with everyone the night before is a great idea. Totally fun without the "last night of debauchery" thing.

luckylily · Gucci

I trust my husband 100% in any situation. Strippers aren't an issue for me at all.

However, I generally dislike the idea of bachelor parties in terms of "last night of freedom." I hate anything the perpetuates the idea that freedom is lost after marriage. IMO, in a healthy marriage you haven't lost any of your personal freedom.

erin · Chanel

my husband just went to a bachelor party for a friend. yes, they went to a strip club. i don't think it's a big deal. i know he didn't go to score a date (or a lap dance).

blink · Coach

My thoughts? NOT ALLOWED.

My reasoning, besides the immorality it encourages, has to do with my knowledge of what has gone on with guys I know. First of all, guys pressure each other in a way that women don't to their friends. My husband has revealed things from some long ago bachelor parties he attended (breaking an obvious man law, no doubt) and I was shocked by the guys we know who have NO PROBLEM with prostitutes. Thankfully, the men he revealed are more like aquaintances than great friends, but still, I would have never suspected they were bad, one was married too.

And....a long, long time ago, I tried exotic dancing for about 4 months in 1999. That alone made me lose a lot of respect for the typical average "guy's guy."

Chic · Marc Jacobs

My hubby went rafting/camping for his with just all his closest guy friends. Because most of our friends have had similar type of parties I always felt like they were a night that they guys can all get together to celebrate together without the girls. It seems like the only time the guys get a chance to have a guys only thing has been for their bachelor parties, so I am completely fine with it.

On the other hand I did see pics of a friend of a friend's beach weekend....scary....it was worse than going to the strip club...you could pay her extra for "other" things.

I know that I could trust my husband at something like this but I would hate for him to actually be in that position. Sometimes it is a blessing that they can blame us for not being "allowed" to go.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

luckylily wrote:

I trust my husband 100% in any situation. Strippers aren't an issue for me at all.

However, I generally dislike the idea of bachelor parties in terms of "last night of freedom." I hate anything the perpetuates the idea that freedom is lost after marriage. IMO, in a healthy marriage you haven't lost any of your personal freedom.

I couldn't agree with you more on all of this!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I agree with Luckylily and Jocey. I tend to think it's all pretty much harmless fun. I don't like it if guys are disrespectful toward the strippers, or anythign like that, but I don't care if a guy I'm with sees someone else's boobs.

PS - If you're with a guy who would sleep with a stripper, or who has friends who would sleep with a stripper, you probably have bigger problems than how he spends his weekends....

-- Edited by Dizzy at 11:51, 2006-09-13

kittenheels · Coach

I trust DH completely. I'm not crazy about strip clubs, but DH is a good guy and wouldn't do anything stupid. So, I guess I don't worry about it too much. For me, there are many more things that stress me out. But, I think if it makes you nervous, you should talk about it and come to a resolution that makes both of you comfortable.

lovelygirl · Kenneth Cole

It doesn't really bother me. I mean, I obviously wouldn't encourage it, but if my bf got invited to a bachelor party with strippers or his friends threw him a bachelor party with strippers, I wouldn't be terribly upset. I trust my boyfriend and I trust the kind of people he chooses to surround himself with. So while I would never go, "Yay my bf is going to a party with strippers", I would never say he couldn't go or be upset about it either.

NCshopper · Hermes

kittenheels wrote:

I trust DH completely. I'm not crazy about strip clubs, but DH is a good guy and wouldn't do anything stupid.

That's pretty much how I feel.

I also have issues with the whole "last night of freedom" bit. I don't like that it implies that simply because you're not married, you're free to sleep with other people and I don't like that it implies that you're stuck in a ball-and-chain relationship after you get married.