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Kate Spade

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Being an adult RANT...long
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I have had it up to here with being a married adult and it's only been less then 2 years!! My job is pissing me off, I am working 2 positions with NO reward or compensation for it!!! Plus I take care of the vast majority of all our household crap including paying all the bills. And here is what happens when I try to plan DH's birthday weekend...

We planned a long time ago to have a party/bbq with friends on Sunday the 3rd of Labor Day weekend. That's all fine and dandy. Then friends of ours told us they are having a party on the 2nd. Fine, we can attend as long as everything is ready for our party the next day. Then my side of the family (grama and grandpa, aunt) want to come out for DH's b-day (we are big B-day people with little presents and cake for EVERYONE on EVERY birthday, but it's fun) So they are planning on coming to my parents on Monday the 4th so we can celebrate there. Fine. Here's my problem: DH's parents never do anything for DH's birthday, but if we do something THEY EXPECT TO BE INVITED!!! Then if we invite them over they (without asking) also bring my 16 yr old SIL and 23 yr old BIL and his girlfriend!!! That's 5 extra mouths my parent's have to feed. Plus my side of the family drives 2 hours just to spend the day so it's nice to just visit with them.

SO, I decide to fix the situation without having conflict and invite my DH's side of the fam over for dinner and celebration Friday the 1st. Well today DH asks "did you call my mom and dad and invite them over sunday?" I say no and tell him my nice plan to have all his family over (who always complains they never see us anyway) for dinner Friday!!! He gets all mad and is like "I told you to have them come on sunday, now my WHOLE weekend is booked" and goes on and on about "fine you plan everything and I'll just show up, don't ask me" I tell him that it's not fair to my parents to have to feed and entertain them as well as my whole family and that he's being really inconsiderate. He eventually appologised, but I am still fuming!!! What the HELL, I want my FREAKING YOUTH back, where birthdays and family were fun and carefree! I am tired, and I can only imagine it gets worse when we have kids because everyone will want to see them all the time! I am exsausted. Rant over. Thanks for listening.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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No wonder you're aggravated! I feel peeved just from reading that.

Just some thoughts...have you talked with your husband about how you're feeling? He should listen to you and try to be supportive, and pitch in! It's really unfair for you to be stuck with most of the household stuff, especially when you're also working full-time.

I'm wondering if you guys need to just start saying no to some things. Do you feel like you're spending too much time trying to make other people (family members) happy instead of focusing on the two of you? Or maybe you are trying to do too much -- instead of having the DH's family over to your house, you could go out to dinner instead and not have to do the extra work. I know you already asked them and they're coming this time, but just an idea for the future. You can't be expected to be super woman!

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KaffeeKlatsch


Marc Jacobs

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(((hugs)))


Argh...I also got annoyed just reading that, so I totally get why you are still fuming.


Maybe this should be the last year you plan a big bash?  Put a little (or big honking ginormous) bug in his parents' ears that next year they should have the bash at their place???


 



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Cortney1982


Chanel

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Good grief that is quite a weekend!  Maybe it would be less stressful if all the family came on Sunday and you have everybody bring a little something to the table.  That way not one person is preparing everything or paying for it all.  Then you can have at least one day to relax!

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Kate Spade

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Thanks girls, I felt better even after ranting. 


Scarlett, my DH understants all that I do, it's just that he needs to show appreciation once and a while, that't the thing I think we need to talk about.  And, yes, you are right, we are trying to make too many people happy.  Just par for the course with in-laws I guess.  But next time, it's pizza joint all the way!! 


leah_leanna, the bug WILL be planted!!  I am sick of being the party planner!!


Courtney, It's not that I mind the work, I like to entertain and think it will be a nice time, it's just that I was so floored by his reaction!!!  I was just glad he apologised right away.  I am glad he can at least admit when he is being a selfish baby!!   I better get one HELL of a birthday party this year!! 


Thanks for understanding and letting me rant girls.  You are the best!



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Marc Jacobs

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Glad to hear you're feeling better! Let us know how it goes and if the in-laws realize that bug has been planted. I think we can all empathise with your feelings.

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Coach

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Actually, I think I understand your DH's point of view here, just from the standpoint of...it's his family, his birthday, and he wants to be able to include them in the bigger party whether they are great big birthday lovers or not.  But I totally understand your frustration, he should have been more proactive in the planning.  That's so typical young male...he'll learn eventually, having guests over (even if it's for your own birthday) requires some effort.


My birthday always falls near or on Labor Day Weekend...so basically, for my whole life, I have not been a big birthday person.  I can remember as a child, at my birthday parties, only about half or less of the participants would show up if we planned the party during that holiday weekend.  Even trying to plan something in surrounding weekends is tough because everybody is busy with back-to-school stuff. 



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