STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

Are you suspicious?

laken1 · Hermes

Very. Always. More toward men than women, but I think it's just smart to be generally suspicious. I firmly believe in women's intuition & if you feel something is wrong that you should take yourself out of that situation. But call me uber paranoid - right after I got divorced & started living alone again there was a serial killer in my town & his victims fit my description exactly, so I took lots of self defense / take care of you classes....

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

Yes, absolutely. I firmly believe in trusting my instincts. I also get super-defensive/adrenaline charged when men approach me in parking lots or when I have my son out in the stroller.

And Laken..that's freaky...right after my split there was a serial rapist here and I did the same as you.

Hermes

absolutely trust your intuition as well as your dog's on this one! I'm so glad your dog was with you... if it feels weird, it usually is weird. Also, asking for the time is an age old "get your guard down" tactic used by attackers (my dad was in law enforcement for a very long time, that's why I'm aware of this - it distracts you for a moment when you look down and this distraction lowers your defense). actually, when I'm alone somewhere and a man approaches me for the time, my guard goes immediately up. I'm not out to make friends when I'm pumping gas or walking alone - so I will quickly look while keeping an eye on them. I'll give the time and go about my business - if they don't like me being cold that's their problem. Call me paranoid, but at least I'm playing it safe.

member · Hermes

laken1 wrote:

Very. Always. More toward men than women, but I think it's just smart to be generally suspicious. I firmly believe in women's intuition & if you feel something is wrong that you should take yourself out of that situation.

ITA w/this. My mom always taught me to trust my gut and if something feels wrong...I've gotten even more suspcious since moving to the city - being a female I've just learned to become very aware of my surroundings, who's walking behind me etc. I think it's a safe way to be.

Kitty · Hermes

I also am a firm believer in trusting your gut and going with your intuition in these types of situations. I also learned this the hard way...

When I lived in San Francisco I used to walk to work really early in the morning and the streets were always dead. Most of the businesses along the way to work were also closed, and so in general I always felt kind of on edge. One morning I was turning the corner and I saw this homeless guy kind of grunting to himself and looking irritated. My first thought was, "cross the street immediately and get away"..but I hesitated for a few seconds because I thought maybe I was just being judgemental or whatever...

anyway, I started to cross the street and this homeless guy tries to chase after me and actually managed to grab me by my arm. Luckily, he was really out of shape and kind of older and I got away easily and easily out-ran him. I should have trusted the voice inside my head the second I heard it, though.

NCshopper · Hermes

I totally agree with the other girls on this. To echo D, "If it feels weird, it is weird." I took a self-defense class in college and they drilled that into our heads. If you're not sure why it feels weird, it's probably something your subconcious picked up on that you didn't necessarily think about.

Always go with your gut instinct. In my opinion, I'd rather be a little cynical/distrustful/suspicious than be the sucker that falls for a trap. It sucks, but that's the age we live in.

luckylily · Gucci

I'm not generally suspicious. However, I always trust my instincts. Even more than my own instincts tho, I trust my dog. I think he's a really good judge of character.

I had a semi similar situation a few weeks a where my dog reacted really negatively to someone who approached us. It creeped me out a lot.

Kincali · Dooney & Bourke

My sisters and I have always been taught to be aware of our surroundings, keep our head up, walk briskly, and never walk by yourself in a parking lot. I would say that our mother very over protective and was constantly telling us to call her right when we got somewhere, to drive safe, be careful etc.

She always told us never to go with anyone, to fight as hard as we could right then and there, because their intention would be to kill us somewhere else eventually. I would say she made us all a bit paranoid, but in the end her advice saved my sister's life. I'm more suspicious now than ever, as people don't always make it easy and appear evil. The normal looking ones are the scariest kind

Kel · Coach

I am very suspicious, maybe a little to much some times, but I rather be safe then sorry. My big thing is to, that I look like I am 12, so I feel like I need to be extra cafeful. But certain things flip me out, like I will not get into an elevator sometimes if it is just me and a man. One day I got freaked out at Target, I was looking in Makeup and some guy was to, and when i went down another isle so did he. So I left that area and went were there was more people.

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

I've read somewhere (maybe here?) that humans are the only animals that second-guess their instincts.

I always pay attention when something about a situation doesn't feel right. I don't care if it makes me look foolish, I will get out of an elevator, start walking quickly, whatever, to get out of a situation that makes me uncomfortable. I also always lock the door behind me -- no matter how long I'll be in my apt for -- with the deadbolt. I rationalize that the few seconds it takes to double or triple-check a lock or the stove or the toaster is totally worth the effort.

Additionally, I always keep the top of my bag (purse) zipped -- two friends have gotten their wallets stolen b/c their bags were open. I also get my keys out of my purse while I'm still inthe subway so I don't have to search for them when I'm standing in front of my building.

I probably sound like a walking bunch of neuroses, but really I just keep aware of my surroundings. I keep my headphones on my ears, but my ipod off when I'm in a part of town or during a time of day when there aren't ppl around. Fortuantely that is one of the best things about NYC -- keep to parts that are crowded and you'll (probably) be safer.

halleybird · Hermes

I am always suspicious. And dogs have really good instincts about people. I remember being home alone once in college, and the doorbell rang. Halley normally gets really excited when people come over, but as soon as she got to the door she started snarling and barking (she never barks). Needless to say, I did NOT open the door. Good for you. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

blink · Coach

I am and it's because of experience and maybe age, I used to be really trusting and also afraid to think something bad about someone else who was being so "nice." And I am definitely more suspicious of men, but I try to show everyone the benefit of the doubt until it gets to a point where it could affect me.

Kelly · Hermes

The awful thing is, I think living in my neighborhood has made me even *less* supsicious, or at least less aware. There are always creepy guys hanging around, and going in and out of my apartment in the middle of the night isn't the safest thing I do with myself. But, it's like, if I kept being afraid of everyone I would never be able to leave. I live in a bad part of town, and I know it, but I also am so used to crazies that I don't give them a second thought. I'm sure it will be awful for me one day. I'm generally trusting of people, and the people I know I shouldn't trust, I'm so used to them that I have just learned to bear it.

When I first moved into my apartment, it was really scary because it was the first time I've ever lived alone, and to afford to do that I had to move to the bad part of town. I had a boyfriend then, though, so I usually had him here or was at his place. When we broke up, I was really panicked for a while because I *didn't* have anywhere to go if I was scared or paranoid. So I just learned to deal with it and shove my scared feelings away - which I know isn't safe.

If I guy talks to me on the street, I guess I generally feel things out on a case-by-case basis. But more often than not, I'll just halfway smile and keep walking as if I can't understand what he's saying. It's mean, but what can you do?