STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

small fry · Chanel

update**** married but feeling single...long

Hermes

RE: married but feeling single...long

jacL · Coach

Detroit summed it up...there is nothing more to say. He needs to get a job NOW.

Metric · Gucci

I wouldn't put up with that s**t. Make it clear to him that either he gets a job or you'll have one less mouth to feed- his.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

Metric wrote:

I wouldn't put up with that s**t. Make it clear to him that either he gets a job or you'll have one less mouth to feed- his.

I second this.

I don't want to judge or sound harsh but he is just being lazy. There is no excuse for his behavior. You are a strong woman and mother and you do not need a worthless man in your house!

P.S. - Did he ever see a doctor or therapist about the possible depression?

small fry · Chanel

Well I thought I was going to bed, doorbell woke me up. I found a job faster b/c he cant do physical labor due to health promblems BUT HE CAN DO A DESK JOB. Thanks ladies Iam glad to know I have someone to talk to about this

-- Edited by kaykay at 10:40, 2006-06-08

-- Edited by kaykay at 10:41, 2006-06-08

Hermes

give him this link

http://jobsearch.monster.com/jobsearch.asp?q=&fn=&lid=618&re=104&cy=us

small fry · Chanel

Joceybaby23 no he has not, I asked him a while back he says he is not drepressed just frustruted..I dont think you are being to harsh b/c I feel the same way and I hate feeling this way I do love him but SHIT I can only do some much

-- Edited by kaykay at 10:46, 2006-06-08

ILoveChoo · Hermes

what they said. dont put up with it. You deserve better than that and it may sound bitchy, but you have to stop putting everyone else before yourself. He can geta job. McDonald, Burger King, reception desk, customer service rep. All of these have tons of opportunity with decent pay and he could certainly do them. Go to places and get applications for him, fill them out and put them in front of him t sign.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Metric wrote:

I wouldn't put up with that s**t. Make it clear to him that either he gets a job or you'll have one less mouth to feed- his.

I second this. He needs to get a job -- period. It's so unfair for this all to fall on you and you should not have to put up with it.

NCshopper · Hermes

I second what the other girls have said. I understand he has health problems, but if he can work AT ALL, he should. Or he needs to find another way to pitch in around the house to help you out. I remember you saying that he doesn't really do any chores around the house and that needs to change, as well as his joblessness. It sucks, but it's not fair to you to have to work crazy hours and not see your son and it's ESPECIALLY not fair to you that he's making you feel resentful of him.

I feel for you kay kay. I understand he has some problems to work around, but he needs to remember that marriage is about compromising on some things and this is one of those times he needs to step it up.

blubirde · Chanel

Wow, kaykay, your situation sucks big time. Everyone else already said everything but seriously - tell him it's put out or get out time. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to your son to be going through everything you're going through. If your husband doesn't see that then he's not worth all this trouble.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Hey sweetie - I thought of you when I read this month's Oprah magazine - there'sa story in the Dr. Phil section that almost could have been written for you. I thought of sending it to you, but I wasn't sure if this was still a problem or if you'd think I was being meddley-some or what.

I'm really sorry you're goign through this. It's incredibly hard. And I think everyone else is right. Is there anyway one of his guy friends could TACTFULLY talk to him, without giving away the fact that you asked for the talk? (It wouldn't help things if he feels criticized). I think that would be the most persuasive thing. You shouldn't have to sacrifice everything. He should want to get in there and help you out because you are his wife.

poptart · Coach

NCshopper wrote:

I second what the other girls have said. I understand he has health problems, but if he can work AT ALL, he should. Or he needs to find another way to pitch in around the house to help you out. I remember you saying that he doesn't really do any chores around the house and that needs to change, as well as his joblessness. It sucks, but it's not fair to you to have to work crazy hours and not see your son and it's ESPECIALLY not fair to you that he's making you feel resentful of him.
I feel for you kay kay. I understand he has some problems to work around, but he needs to remember that marriage is about compromising on some things and this is one of those times he needs to step it up.

ITA. I am so sorry, kaykay, and like the others I don't want to sound rude, but he really needs to contribute to the family. You are essentially working 14 hour days plus taking care of the house plus being the primary caregiver for your son, and he is doing ... volunteer fire dept work? There is something seriously, seriously wrong with this picture. You deserve a husband who appreciates you and cares about your wellbeing, and his behavior does no indicate either of these things. He needs to get.a.job.

small fry · Chanel

Thank you ladies for all your support. Dizzy I will try and have a male friend talk to himI need to brainstorm. Ncshopper you hit right on the head when you said "but it's not fair to you to have to work crazy hours and not see your son and it's ESPECIALLY not fair to you that he's making you feel resentful of him." I had had tears in my eyes after reading this. I sent him a email I know I could have talked to him but I felt better about writting it. So Iam going to the pool alone and have some time to myself before my son gets home from day camp!

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

i'm so sorry kaykay. i can read the frustration you're feeling and i just want to shake him for you! your last few posts have been heart-breaking. please know that we are with you and we support you and whenever you need to vent, we are here to listen.

i don't have a magic answer but all i know for sure is that even during the worst of times, when you just feel trapped and boxed in and hopeless, there is hope. because you always have options. the options may involve sacrifice or really tough decisions but they're there. you have them. also remember this: the only person's actions you can control are your own. so act! do whatever you want. whatever you feel like. you wanna scream, scream! you wanna say f*ck it and play hooky and hang out with your son all day, do it! don't hold back. and *deep breath* if you want a divorce, get one. give yourself permission to make yourself happy. Chris deserves a mother who loves herself enough to put herself first. don't be scared, you've survived worse. you are a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman and you deserve more than this.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

everyone has said everything i am thinking.

i'll be thinking of you. it just seems like your posts have had such a sad tone lately, and i really hope that you start taking care of yourself for your sake and the sake of your son.

take care.

kahluamilk · Dooney & Bourke

hi kaykay... sorry to hear abt all this stuff you have to deal with.. hang in there... hopefully dh will wake up and start pulling his weight around the house. we're rooting for ya!

Cricket · Gucci

Hang in there, Kaykay. You deserve to be happy! I hope he comes around soon!

Hedvig · Coach

I agree with everyone else. Your husband is a grown-up who has a family. He has to start acting accordingly.

I'm really sorry he keeps letting you down like this. You deserve so much better!