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Kate Spade

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WTF???
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Some of you may have read a "pity party" post I did mostly about a GF of a close friend of my DH and I who lives in florida and how I didn't want her to move here because I didn't really like her or what she was all about, and how she made me feel bad about myself, but then how I didn't care because she looked like a mouse and had a weave? Well, she's moving here in 2 weeks. I was trying to be fine with it and just say, you know, we can be friends and I have to deal with my esteem issues on my own. Well I just found out something else about her. We went out with her the other night and she brought a camera. She had to get a picture with EVERY girl there either kissing them on the cheek, doing some sexy pose, or kissing them for real. This disgusts me. She made me take a few with her, but only kissed me on the cheek. I made some stupid face because I didn't want to be mean and be like "um grow up, can't we just take a decent pic??" I can't imagine what I would have done if she tried to kiss me on the lips. I just think girls like that are SCREAMING for attention and love it that sometimes it makes guys take notice. I think it's really trashy to be honest with you. I really don't see any point in it. She wasn't even drunk. and not only was she doing it at the bar we went to, she was doing it at the bowling alley we were at before that!!!

I am just at a loss. This and all of the other things I don't like about her are making me dred the day she moves here. She has already been myspacing me that she can't wait to double date and hang out. What do I do? The other thing I hate is that I think she is being really fake to all of her BF's friends, you know, like, kill them with kindness. She says "I love you" and "you are my new family" to me and all of his friends that are girls. Just be real, we don't have to be BFF just because you are moving here!!!!!!

Any advice at all on how to deal with "that girl" if avoiding her is out of the question? Any other girls have a BF or DH who's friends have slutty GF's and you are forced to hang out?? I need help!

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Coach

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Posts: 1652
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My husband doesn't have girl pals I have to deal with, but I have had a girl friend of my own who embarrassed me to be seen with, was also an obnoxious attention getter, who always expected my husband and I to go out with her and labeled me her Best Friend.  I gradually weaned her off of me by just saying NO a few good serious times.  She now knows where she stands with me, we are now still friends but just don't talk all the time, now instead she treats one of my less confrontative girl friends the same way she used to treat me.


You wouldn't have to be neccessarily rude to her in order to set boundaries and be honest, just tell her you aren't up for (whatever it is) it and let her know what you don't like.  Sounds like this girl just won't take subtle hints or cues, you are going to have to be bold and upfront with her if you really want this behavior to change around you.  You will be relieved once you have set your boundary because you do not want to be in a position where she expects you to go "play barbies" with her whenever she wants.  Oh, and avoiding her calls and cutting conversations and calls short will help too.  Act busy.



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Elle


Hermes

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First I'd talk to your hubby to make sure you're both on the same page about this.  Then I'd encourage DH to spend time with is friend just the two of them, doing manly things.  That way maybe you can keep the double dates to about once a month - I'd also discuss things you are and aren't willing to do with them.  Like no bars, no carpooling with them so you can escape if you must, etc.  Also, when you are with both of them, I'd drop something about how busy you guys have been lately - the job, your condo (you're selling, right?), etc so when you turn them down next time they want to do something you can say your busy and have it be believable.


Also, when you do have to go out with them, I'd do something extra nice for yourself beforehand.  Do your nails, wear your favorite outfit or jewelry, curl your hair, whatever makes you feel good.


Also, putting yourself in the frame of mind so you're able to pity her will probably make her a little easier to handle.



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shopgirl82


Chanel

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Posts: 3197
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i would definitely talk to your hubby about this.  just start with an open-ended question, "hmmm, what do you think of barbie?"  blah blah blah to see where he's at before you attack her.  i would also make sure you reassure your hubby that you like his friend....it's not him, it's her. 


maybe once she's around more she's be more secure, but until then, i agree with Elle, you should minimize the time you spend with them as a couple, but don't take your hubbies friend away from him.   


my bf and i had someone like this.  we always triple dated with another couple who's gf i liked.  that way her and i could make fun of the airhead girl.  not in an obvious way, but we spend the majority of the time talking to each other and just taking in the other girl's scenes/comments.  my bf and i always had a good laugh about that girl when we got home. 


i hope things get better. 



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Kate Spade

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Posts: 1227
Date:
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Thanks guys, I feel a lot better and you made me feel that I am not just being a bitch. You are right, I do like my Dh's friend, but not her, so I agree with encouraging they do "guy things" more then us doing couple things. I think the only thing that is going to save me is that they like to go out to bars and we really don't, so it's not like I seem bitchy when I suggest we don't go out, we usually don't go out to bars anyway. I am ok with having them over or going out to a nice dinner, but if her behavior stays that way during those things, I am going to tell DH - NO MORE!!! Thanks again. You guys don't know how much you mean to me. My best friend is out of town for work (she gets relocated eah time they need her somewhere) so I don't feel like I have had many people to talk to about this. I am so glad I have my ST friends!!!

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Coach

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Posts: 1764
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Uck. Everyone's given great advice. I wish I had something to add, but girls like that bug the crap out of me, too. So freaking insincere and attention-grabbingly annoying!

Good luck!

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