STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kelly · Hermes

who pays on dates?

rocky · Coach

Usually the guy pays, I always offer though. But if I initiate a date I always try to pay, unless he is super adamant about getting the bill. With my SO we just switch off

Maddie · Coach

I'll normally offer to pay the first time, but if a guy ever let me I'd think he was a jerk. Maybe, depending on the circumstances. After the first couple dates I'd feel really weird if we weren't switching off. That said, if I asked a guy on a date I'd probably legitimately try to pay, but I would never ask a guy out.

lynnie · Chanel

I think the guy should pay - i'd def. offer, espec if it was a mutually agreed on date or if i suggest it, but I guess I think of a guy as just a friend (or a cheapskate) if I pay my share. Maybe its a double standard, but whatever.

honey · Gucci

Maddie wrote:

I'll normally offer to pay the first time, but if a guy ever let me I'd think he was a jerk. Maybe, depending on the circumstances. After the first couple dates I'd feel really weird if we weren't switching off. That said, if I asked a guy on a date I'd probably legitimately try to pay, but I would never ask a guy out.

i agree with this. i always offer, but don't really expect to pay. i will say to be prepared b/c some guys will totally let you pay, but that's another story. i will say that if we do dinner & then drinks i try to pay for at least a round of drinks if he picked up the tab for dinner.

eta: i will also say it depends on where you are in life. if i were still in college, or knew the guy didn't make as much as i did, i wouldn't have any qualms about a split check.

-- Edited by honey at 21:57, 2006-06-05

Cortney1982 · Chanel

I've never paid, that would be akward. Just let the man do his job and take care of you! He likes it that way too!

blink · Coach

Guy pays.

calichic · Dooney & Bourke

I usually offer to pay the first couple of times. I agree with Maddie and Honey that if a guy ever accepts my offer, he is a cheap dude and I am totally not into it. However, after quite a few dates (8-ish?) I will steal the bill to pay bc if I date them this many times then I feel as though I could foot the bill at least that once. Currently the SO and I kind of switch off, though he still pays for the majority of stuff. I must say that I like it this way!

laken1 · Hermes

If he asks you he should pay. Period.

atlgirl · Gucci

It's been several years since I've dated, but when I did, the guy would pay for the first few (especially since he was the one initiating), but then we'd trade off some. I'd pay for maybe every two or three dates, or some such.

And I might be in the minority here, but if I offered to pay, I meant it (and did pay, unless the guy *really* made a fuss about it). I hate the idea of "I'm saying I'll pay, but I still expect you to". Very passive-aggressive, IMO.

Irene · Dooney & Bourke

I agree with Atlgirl. If I offer to pay, I expect to pay. Why play games? Then again, I guess dating is a game. It's a bad idea to expect "anything" from a man because he may expect "something" from you afterward.

However, that being said, I think whoever asks is the person who should pay.

-- Edited by Irene at 08:39, 2006-06-06

Jahni · Dooney & Bourke

On dates, he pays...it's a privilege to date me..lol....

But I also agree that after we've been dating for a while (a long while) i'll pick up the tab every once in a while or start cooking for him more.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

The guy should pay... at least the first couple dates. Now that we're married, if it's my idea to go out, I pay and vice versa.

blubirde · Chanel

I will always offer to "split" on the first date (and sometimes I'll insist if it obviously isn't going anywhere) and I mean it. However if the guy asked me out and he let me pay - even though I mean it when I'm offering - I'd think less of him. Even though I'm willing to shell out money, it's kind of a test for politeness, which is maybe wrong. If a guy has manners and he asked me out, he should pick up the bill for at least the first date.

If we do dinner and drinks, I'll definitely pay for a round of drinks though. After the first or maybe second date, I'll insist on splitting things or alternating turns paying. I don't think it's fair for the guy to have to pay all the time. That said, the boy has more disposable income than I do and he likes to eat out a lot so I let him pay more than I do, but I try to pay for at least 2 of our outings a week.

So I think the boy should pay on the first date if he asks you out. If you ask him out, you should pay. But I always offer because I think it's the polite thing to do and I insist on paying if I don't like the guy. I like for a guy to turn down my offer of payment (unless I insist) because I think it shows he has manners.

Oh and if it's a super-expensive evening or something, I'll insist on paying for the wine or something.

sfcaligirl · Dooney & Bourke

the guy pays!

call me old-fashioned, but i expect the guy to pay for more than just the first few dates... my ex hardly let me pay for anything the whole time we dated (he was really into feeling like he was "the man" and "taking care of me..." ha!). i certainly don't expect that, but i wasn't complaining either!

luckylily · Gucci

I think for the first couple of dates the person who initiated the date should pay.

After you an established couple, it is nice to alternate.

doodles · BCBG

i've been with my sweetheart for 3 years and he still won't let me pay for anything. he takes good care of me.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

Jahni wrote:

On dates, he pays...it's a privilege to date me..lol....
But I also agree that after we've been dating for a while (a long while) i'll pick up the tab every once in a while or start cooking for him more.

Well said Jahni. This is how I feel. My bf and I have been dating for ~ 10 months and only in the last month or so I've started to trade off and pay for a meal or round of drinks.

Shello · Kenneth Cole

I agree withhoney that it depends a little on your stage in life. I'll always offer to split things, and usually I don't mind b/c I understand that guys in college typically don't have much money. My ex's family was very wealthy though and he had a rather large "allowance" so I had no problem letting him pay for most things, though we did alternate occasionally.

I do think guys lose a few points though if they don't pay for the first date, if they asked you.

Kelly · Hermes

blubirde wrote:

I will always offer to "split" on the first date (and sometimes I'll insist if it obviously isn't going anywhere) and I mean it. However if the guy asked me out and he let me pay - even though I mean it when I'm offering - I'd think less of him. Even though I'm willing to shell out money, it's kind of a test for politeness, which is maybe wrong.

That's exactly what I think. If I offer and he accepts, I will go through with it and pay. While it might not be a deal-breaker, if I was on the fence about him already, it might be. I don't think it's wrong as a test of politeness. I don't think it'd be wrong of him to use my offer to pay, or lack thereof, as a judge of my character, for or against me. But I do definitely insist on paying if it's not going anywhere. I went on a date a few weeks ago that I still can't believe - the guy wore house slippers, for pete's sake! and when the bill came, I insisted. I actually got pretty nasty about it. I just didn't want him to think I owed him anything, no matter how small! But then! even after I forced my money upon him, he didn't even leave a tip. I had to go back and do that.

I do hate, though, when I've been dating a guy for a while and he still won't let me pay. Obviously by that point it's not about me owing anything to him or him expecting anything of me, but I want to equal things out more and I definitely don't want it to come up in a fight later on. Most guys I've dated for any length of time have had more disposable income than me, so while I was scraping by, they were paying for all of these nice meals. And I still had to wrestle for the check at a chili parlor or something! They just wouldn't let me pay. It wasn't comfortable insisting on spending so much money on a meal I knew I couldn't afford. But it's also really uncomfortable to feel like I'm trying to be a princess or something.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 17:27, 2006-06-06