STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

My dear, I ran into the same problem recently at my "real" job. I ignore it. I work closely with the girl, too, and I don't know what her prob is. I figure jealously? Some people are that way. You have more than they do, or there is just something they don't like about you. This is pretty much why long ago I got over the whole "friend" thing. I'm 30. I don't need the hassle.People suck a lot out of you, as this chick is doing to you. I also got teary eyed, and it ruins my entire day.

You should ignore her caddy remarks. Or tell her how you feel. And tell her she's being a female dog..and she how flabbergasted she gets. However, I wouldn't even stoop to her level...if possible, just disregard her & go on with your day. She sounds very negative.

what was the comment she made under her breath?

it sounds like you're painted into a corner so i'm just going to throw out a couple of ideas and then you can tell me which ones are possible and which ones just wouldn't work.

1.  confront her.  say it hurt my feelings when you said this... 

2.  at the exact moment when she says something mean, make her repeat it.  like what did you just say?  most times when someone says something mean, they don't want to repeat it because it makes them look like a b*tch.

3.  be passive-aggressive/icky sweety nice and as soon as she turns around mutter something mean under your breath.  if she asks you to repeat, just say oh nothing, you must be hearing things.

4.  ignore her.  try as hard as you can.  this probably isn't going to be the last b*tch you run into in your life and sometimes its best to live in the middle ground of "polite acquaintance"  not everyone has to be your best friend or your worst enemy. sometimes just smiling and nodding and going about your work is the best way to go.

ETA:  just wanted to say the other girls had really good ideas, i didn't see them as i was posting so yeah--ditto!

Thanks guys. I know I have to toughen up, it's just hard. I like the idea of asking her to repeat things because that's exactly what she does. She'll say something really fast to try to cover it up. But if I ask her to repeat it, maybe she'll start thinking twice before she opens her mouth.

I think the best thing you can do is first off just think of her as a coworker and not a friend. I have gotten burned by this in the past and have learned this lesson the hard way. It is very hard to have a close friend working in the same department as you because so many different aspects come into play. For example, I am a team lead in my department. I have had people who I thought were my friends backstab me because they wanted my job, or get mad because I had to ask them to do their job,(what a concept, working when you are getting paid to work!!). Sometimes people are just not going to like you over really stupid things, as you said with this girl about your sorority. People are often jealous at work too. Maybe you do your job better and she knows it.

Second, I think you should try to ignore her. I know that this can be very hard! Sometimes people like that want confrontation so badly that when you ignore them that is harder on them than if you were to tell her off. Try not to let her see you get upset if you can at all help it. If you show her you are a strong person who is not dealing with her crap then she may give up trying to piss you off. If she talks crap about something you like just tell her that that is why the world is such a great place, we can all have our own opinions!!! I think the other girls all have great advice. Just try it all and see if you can find something that works.

Whatever you do though, do not let her force you out of your job that you love! People like that usually do not last too long. If worse comes to worse, maybe you should talk to your boss. The majority of the time, you will find that your boss already has seen what is going on before you ever said anything. Don't feel bad either if it comes to this. I used to always feel bad about going to my boss, but with the job that I have now it it is part of my duties to keep him informed about my team members issues. One lady had THE WORST attitude you can imagine. She would literally cuss me out when I asked her why she had not done any work in days!! One day my boss caught her screaming at me and fired her. I was so crazy I even felt bad. My boss told me that day though that I should not feel bad because you don't get people fired, they get themselves fired. I thought that was good advice from him.

I hope everything works out for you. Good luck and let us know how it turns out!!

most likely she is jealous of you.  i would ignore her or kill her with kindness.  but whatever you do, don't quit!  then she will have won. 

I want to tell you to kick her in the ass but i know that this is not an option.

I really like the idea of making her repeat what she said immediately after she says it. Be abrupt and stand your ground when you do so. In fact, make her repeat a third time by saying "can you say that again - I want to make sure i heard you correctly." Then you can respond by saying something like "Why would you make such a _______ remark?"  Really corner her and hopefully this will diffuse and surprise her. She would not expect you to do this. For some reason she feels like she can intimidate you.

Good Luck and we will be thinking about you.