STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I would send the post you just wrote here to her an e-mail.  She is obviously not considering anyone's feelings but her own. Or maybe she doesn't realize what kind of impact her location is making on the family - she should be made aware.  Has she already told the other company that she is reneging? 

She has not made her final decision yet, she has not told the new job yet, and told her old job that she has to think about it.  But from when I talked to her it sounded like she already made up her mind.

its nice to know other people understand how I am feeling, I was beginning to think I was being selfish.  In all honesty, i feel like my mom has always put her own feelings before anyone else.  But i just thought finally she has realized the mistake she has made all these years when she decided to take this new job and was talking about how much she misses being a part of our lives and how good it felt to be at home.  Now it all seems like a bunch of bologny.

What is the proper way to react/act if she does end up keeping her old job?  Id like to handle it maturely but can't help to be somewhat bitter about it. 

I am definitely going to try and explain to her how much it would mean for her to come back, but I don't want to push her into doing something and then if she is not happy here, I would feel like its all my fault.

 

Tell her how you feel about it as diplomatically as you can.  She might not react or respond in a nurturing way like a mother should, she may very well stay in her position, but at least she will know where she stands with you.

By the way, I could not imagine this situation and that she rarely comes home.  Nor could I imagine any career that would be more important than my family and husband.  I suspect some underlying emotional walls here since all the "love" seems to be going to her career.  It must be very tough for you, so you have my sympathies.

So I just got off the phone with my mom, and I told her everything I was thinking/feeling.  She said she still hasn't made her decision yet.  And when I told her that it seems like shes valuing her company more than her kids, she said her kids are always her number 1 priority, and i responded that her actions speak louder than words.  And then I said she only sees us like 2 times a year, and get this... she goes, well I said I am going to take a weeks vacation. wtf?  That is going to make her more a part of our lives?  And then she said well what if you meet a guy and go off with him.... this doesn't even make sense?  She would still be a part of my life and I dont even want that to happen anytime soon.

I guess I said everything I could, and now I have to just sit back and wait, but I must admit... speaking to her today was so frustrating because its like she JUST doesnt GET IT.  And if she doesn't understand the responsibilities/commitment of being a mother, i wonder what it will be like if she does move back. 

 

Thanks everyone for your support!  I should know today or tomorrow what the final verdict is.

Detroit - you are right about not holding a grudge, I think I already knew this but needed to hear it from someone else.  I guess in a way i felt like if im nice and friendly to her she will think that she made the right decision to stay and that it had no impact on me.  But I know in my heart that isn't the RIGHT thing to do, and I know my dad doesn't want to see me act that way.

Thanks again, it really did help to get that off my chest and know that my line of thinking is on the right track... I will update later.

I'm sorry sweetie - fwiw, my mother should be in jail for some of the things she's done to me. So I know it hurts when someone you should be able to trust isn't able to be their best selves. I really think explaining your feelings to your mom is just goign to end up frustrating you. Explaining your feelings and expecting a reasoned response is the way you deal with someone who is more, no offense, aware of themselves and their impact on others. It sounds like your mom is going to come up with excuse after excuse to do what she wants to do, regardless of how it hurts the people in her life. (You could meet a guy? What?) Detroit is right, accepting her for who she is will be easier on you (and obviously, it's much easier said than done).

The best advice I've ever heard on coping with this is 1) Find people who can fill that mother role in your life, even if it's just one aspect (someone to teach you how to cook, another someone to confide in, that sort of thing - and it doesn't have to be someone who's older, or even someone who's a woman). And 2) Learn how to mother yourself. Everytime you feel that lack, that nudge of "my MOM would do this for me..." do it for yourself, even if it's just buying an extra-big icecream cone... {{{{{{{{{{Big hugs sweetie}}}}}}}}}

nicoley013 wrote:

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My mom just called, and said that today was her last day at work today.  She is packing up her desk, She has the movers alls scheduled, and everything in place to move back home!!!  I guess she had already made her decision about a week ago, but with my mom, she changes her mind like every other day, so I didn't think she was REALLY going to do it.  But me and my dad are flyiing to phily on wednesday and helping her move and everything (and taking  a side trip to AC :)   Anyways, just wanted to thank everyone for helping me get through the ups and downs of finding out if she was moving back.  Im glad she made the right decision.

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that's great, Nicoley!!! I'm so happy for you and your family.  I hope she finds this to be a rewarding decision.

Awesome! I hope everyone is happier because of the move.

That's great! I'm so happy for you and your family!