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Post Info TOPIC: MOH Resigned
Karina


Chanel

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MOH Resigned
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my matron of honor told me she wouldn't be able to be in the wedding anymore because she doesn't have the money to afford it. i told her "what can you do?" and said maybe she can be a reader or something. she just had a baby last week (she has 3 kids now) and is a SAHM.

I have a feeling that her husband doesn't want to fork over the money for it.

The thing that ticks me off is that we booked the wedding and picked out bridal party in SEPTEMBER. You are telling me she couldn't come up with a few hundred? This is not about money, this is more about principle.

the more I think about this, the more pissed off I become. She is supposed to be my matron of honor and 4 months before the wedding, she resigns? She was supposed to be my right hand woman and be there for me. I was expecting to take pictures with her and the rest of my girls, and hear a speech from her during dinner. This is BS. I don't know what to do.

Part of me feels like telling her it's either all or nothing.


 


ETA: 


OHhhhhh anndddd, she's supposed to be Giselle's Godmother. How can I count on her to be her Godmother, when I can't even count on her to be my MOH? We are supposed to baptise Giselle in July. I have been waiting the whole time ex-MOH has been pregnant (she was high risk and on bedrest) to baptise this child, so that's another drama situation right there.



-- Edited by Karina at 13:25, 2006-05-21

-- Edited by Karina at 07:53, 2006-05-22

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Cricket


Gucci

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  That sucks.  I'm sorry!  Does she live in town?  IMO, if she lives in town, she should do it.  If I remember correctly, you were very concerned w/ having affordable bridesmaid dresses.  She could probably afford that if she wanted to.  As far as bridal showers go, I think showers, bridal and baby, have gotten out of hand in recent years.   She might not have a whole lot of time or money, but it's the thought that counts, and a little bit of effort could get everyone together for a fun bridal shower for little money.  Serve cake and punch and have it at home or at a friends house who has a lot of room!  Sure it's a little bit of work to be MOH, but it doesn't have to be as much of a financial burden as people put on it now.  Fundamentally, it's the thought that counts to people, and I think we forget that.  She should do it, and do the best she can.  I'm sure you understand how busy she is now. Maybe you could tell her that you'll understand if she can't be "Super MOH".  She might think you expect more of her than you actually do!

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Chic


Marc Jacobs

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Talk to her more about this. I agree that being in someone's wedding has totally gotten out of hand. But don't rule her out as the godmother, she is has a lot going on right now and might feel that she can't give you the time you need. Your friendship is more important. I have seen many friendships end over weddings, so talk to her. If it is really important for her to be you MOH, make sure she knows that and see what is the main reason why she isn't able to participate.

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mirbear


BCBG

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If it isn't about money and about principle..


First, you must really like this gal if you wanted her as your MOH in the first place. I can say I've been on her side. My best friend got married, who I had known over 10 years and she didn't even ask me to be her's. This gal should be happy on that note. My "best friend" asked some chick she had known for 3 years or something. I was so pissed, but what do you do? Actually, I ended up not being in the wedding or having anything to do with her after that. We drifted apart, and I do not regret it. It is easy to find out who your friends are & who they aren't. Anyway, I'm ranting.


If it isn't about money, and about principle, can you help her out with the $$ thing? I always vow if I ever get married, I am not going to make anyone pay for anything. I would just buy the dresses, and what not. I get what I want, they wear what I want, and no one whines about money. Then, it will be about the wedding only and no other issues will become apparent. If that's possible, or even if you offer to help her out with some, then maybe it would work. I would talk to her, though, rather than letting it tick you off more.That certainly is never good for anyone...stress.



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Karina


Chanel

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Posts: 3257
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All I'm asking her is to pay the $120 for the dress.  I don't want a gift from her, I don't want a big bridal shower or bachelorette party, either.  From the looks of it, I don't think I'm having either.  I'm upset that she is leaving the MOH responsibilities to the rest of the girls, I'm upset that 4 months before my wedding she can't do it, I'm upset that her husband goes to the bar every week and spends hundreds, but she doesn't have the money for a dress? I already offered to pay for the FG (her daughter) dress, and as far as the Christening, she doesn't have to pay for anything, either.   I think she is backing out of the responsibility.  She has done similar things to me before.  I love her, but I need to reevaluate our friendship. 


I always put myself on the line for my friends, no matter what they need, I am there for them -- I expect the same.


 


ETA - Cricket, yes, she lives in town.



-- Edited by Karina at 08:14, 2006-05-22

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Sunshinegirl


Kate Spade

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Posts: 1019
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I pretty much agree with everyone else here. If you really want her to be part of your wedding you need to pay for her dress. $120 is quite a bit for someone with that many mouths to feed and bills to pay and you cannot blame her for having a lousy husband. Sounds like she is going through a rough time.


Don't let something like this ruin your friendship. The sacredness of the ceremony is really what a wedding is about. I realize you want it to be fun and memorable but dont let the fact that someone cannot afford or has too much responsibility in their lives ruin it.


 



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mirbear


BCBG

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Posts: 131
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If it is the money, like you said, it is her husband going to the bar...sometimes girls are not strong enough to stand up & say "honey, quit going to the darn bar & save some of our $$$ so I can do nice things like being my friend's MOH". Is she a strong person or not? You should know this. If she is, then something is wrong here. If not, then you can see maybe why she hasn't stood up to her husband. Guys who go to the bar all the time are not the best guys anyway. Don't they have something better to do? Every now & again, fine, but all the time...a bit too much.


If you must re-evaluate the friendship...then do so. $120 is not that much, I agree with you. Maybe you should just talk to her, too. Confront her sort of her, but not harshly



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