STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

What's going on?

small fry · Chanel

Oh hugs to you dizzy thanks for asking.

Well same old shit I Have left it alone with hubbie b/c iam tired of saying something and nothing getting done. Iam kinda bummed b/c I want to get a tooth bridged in and I cant afford it my insurance does not cover it. So for now Iam stuck with my removable retainer that has a tooth on it. Hey it could be worse I could not have a fake tooth on my retainer and I would be Miss Hillbilly all the time

Iam really hoping I get my Vac time that I requsted off june 1-15 I really need it!!! Okay I feel better now, Now how are you doing?

kenzie · Chanel

Hey, Dizzy, thanks for asking.

Stupid is gone, gone, gone!! I haven't talked to him in nearly two months. It's so liberating. Once in a while I'll get a sad pang, but then I remember what an ass he is and I'm happy that I'm rid of him. I still can't bring myself to look at pictures that I have of us (both before we dated when we were best friends and then while we were dating). It just makes me too sad. I'm doing much better, though.

As for D, we decided as long as we are working together, we can't date. We're still good friends, though and we hang out, so it's good.

blubirde · Chanel

Dizzy - I've been looking for you! How were finals? Do tell about the wreck of a guy. So I guess the 2nd time wasn't a charm? (I know it's supposed to be third but that doesn't really work in this sitch.)

Oh as a law school student aside, is your favorite thing to say to people "sue me!" because mine is. I get this sick little thrill from saying it. Weird I know. And lame. Ah well.

As for the boy, I think it's going well. We're kind of getting over the honeymoon period - unfortunately. We're still debating the moving in thing. We go back and forth on thinking it would be great and thinking it might mess things up. He's got a huge submission due at the end up May so I'm really looking forward to June for a little more time together. (We're down to twice a week right now - but luckily that's only been the past week and this coming week so here's to hoping June gets here quick!)

It's weird though. This is the first relationship I've been in since my horrible one in college/law school so I'm still working out how to feel about everything, as far as the day-to-day things. I'm working really hard to not take everything so seriously and if something bugs me, I try to put it in perspective. I'm constantly fighting with myself to remind me that this one is not the same as last one and every little thing isn't completely destructive to me. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but you've been in the bad relationship before, right? You know how everything that happens is specifically meant to tear you up inside? I'm working on knowing that our fights are not the same as those fights. And if something hurts my feelings, it's not intentional and I have to let it go once we talk about it. God, does that make any sense at all? I have my good weeks and my bad weeks.

kisa · Dooney & Bourke

Hey Dizzy! Nice to see you around again!

Not much has been happening with me lately, I went back to regular school. I visited my boyfriend in Iceland over the month of March, which was frankly, great. Now I have about 4 weeks left of school, possible summer school, and then I am back in Iceland for 3 months. I have been learning Icelandic as well.

Let's hear what's new with you!

bestwhensimple · Nine West

Gosh, Dizzy, you are so cute and sweet! It's so nice of you to ask how everyone is doing! And I'm happy you're back on here after a hectic week or two...

Well, my friend of a year still hasn't called me back. It's been two weeks, and I made an effort to be his friend by calling him last week, when he didn't answer his phone of course. I've basically written him off now. Oh, well.

But, on the bright side of things, I've been dating like crazy! A guy I met on the train, a waiter at my favorite Mexican food restaurant, a friend from my Ethnic Studies class, and another random guy I met on the bus have been keeping me busy. It's been nice going to concerts, dinners, movies, a baseball game, and just hanging out with other guys. And all of these guys are really nice. Well, so far. You ladies know how guys sometimes act nice and are really jerks, so I'm not really expecting anything to come from these dates. Right now, they're just fun.

And of course, my group of girlfriends have been the BEST. Dinner parties and gossiping and shopping and eating ice cream together has really lifted my mood.

Oh, and like blubirde said, I have my good and bad days, too. But, in general, I've been really good. Thanks for asking, Dizzy. Update us on the "arsehole" because I'd definitely like to know!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Ahhhh, the arsehole:
- reminded me that when a guy witholds, then suddenly snaps back to attention, then witholds again, I will go crazy. In less than two weeks.
- proved that I am willing to tolerate seriously boring, unattractive men if I think they will be "safe." But the qualities that influence them to be boring and unattractive also mean they are not safe. (just emotionally damaged) And they're also not fun to look at. So what's the point.
- brought out all my player qualities. seriously y'all, i am as bad as they are and it's all based on having been hurt. One of my guy friends was like "duh, why do you think guys are players?" It is obvious, I guess, but that had not occurred to me.
- clearly demonstrated the pattern in my relationships: I date a lot of men, but I stay with men who are so insecure, that the minute I do anything like, refuse to see them for the third day in a row, they feel rejected and then they go out of their way to reject me. So I worry that I'm mean and end up walking on eggshells trying not to reject them, but then they get bored because I'm too easy to get. But they won't let me actually leave them because that hurts their feelings and so every time I try to get out of it we start the whole thing over again.
- so, I end up an emotional wreck, trying way to hard to be nice to someone who is only trying to protect himself from any slight or perceived rejection, while never giving me attention, affection or anything that feels real.
- once i let go of needing him to be nice to me, I realized he kind of bores me and he needs to bleach his teeth, hit the gym, buy some new clothes and stop bobbing his head when he talks. And he's sort of cheap too. I got so tired of that sigh every time he had to pull out his wallet (another pattern with me and these guys, I end up paying for everything because I dont' want them to think that I'm using them - they tend to complain about "pretty girls conning free dinners" and I'll be like "that's not me and I'll prove it." God I'm dumb sometimes).

Anyway, so it was a huge learning experience. We're friendlyish, but he's mad that I blow him off and I can't help but be bored around him (he doesn't even think the daily show is funny), so it's obviously not one of the richest, most rewarding relationships in my life right now.

Bestwhensimple - I'm so sorry about your friend, what a doink! He'll be back, and you'll get to blow him off without rancor because by then you won't care. And I know what you mean about the guys who are nice, but still jerks. Dating is fun, though. And dating a bunch of guys really helps take the nerves out of the whole experience. the first date I went on with a guy I liked after the divorce, I was literally shaking (and he was so not worth it).

Kisa - glad that iceland boy is still behaving himself - I remember him being pretty hot, right?

Bluebirde sweetie - I know exactly what you mean! Normal people say things that hurt, but when it's so hard when you've been aroudn someone who is completely amazing at saying seemingly normal things designed to hurt like hell, then says you're being too sensitive if you complain, wow. There's just this filter in your head that calculates where he's going with that and what it means and what you have to say to not look bad, and what he could say to what you say. And turning that off is so hard! Good for you for holding it together while still feeling the leftover hurt! That takes so much strength! And I bet the boy doesn't even realize how much you're doing. But we all do and I think you're doing so great!

Nylabelle - stupid is gone! That is wonderful! I'm so excited for you! And pulling a friendship out of a work relationship is just the trickiest move and you pulled it off! You've had such a hard year. Transition and change and so much going on... It really takes a lot out of a person and you're handling it with so much humor, and, of course, great style. I'm really glad things are coming together for you now!

Kaykay - oh I'm sorry about your tooth, and I really hope you get your vacation. Are you going someplace to be alone? or just hanging aroudn the house? Whatever you do don't you dare spend your vacation "catching up" on all the little things around the house. You catch up on YOU babe... or I'll be so mad :D

Ok, thanks for the stylethread fix - and seriously, I didn't mean to be cliquey or anything. I want to hear from everyone who has any news. Post it, ya darn lurkers! heehee... (or lurk if you want to, it's ok).

poptart · Coach

Dizzy wrote:

I want to hear from everyone who has any news. Post it, ya darn lurkers! heehee... (or lurk if you want to, it's ok).

Okay, okay.

Seriously, it is almost too painful to write.

1. The last boy I posted about (the one who convinced me he was all great and that we had just had a misunderstanding) turned out to be a pathological liar. At least, that is the only explanation I can come up with.

2. In reaction, I dated a seriously boring boy for a few weeks, along with going on single dates with people I had virtually no interest in.

3. My ex -- who I have been great friends with since we broke up, and who I still love dearly -- is "in love" with his new girlfriend of two months and she is pregnant. I still can barely say these words out loud. I come home at night and I am literally so exhausted from pretending to be fine that I either crawl into bed at like 8 p.m. or go out and stay out till all hours with acquaintances I don't know very well who won't ask me about the situation b/c they (obviously) know nothing about it.

4. And that, my friends, is why I am running away to another city.

ETA: On a positive note, thank God *I'm* not pregnant. Shudder.

-- Edited by poptart at 16:39, 2006-05-24

blubirde · Chanel

poptart wrote:

Dizzy wrote: I want to hear from everyone who has any news. Post it, ya darn lurkers! heehee... (or lurk if you want to, it's ok). Okay, okay. Seriously, it is almost too painful to write. 1. The last boy I posted about (the one who convinced me he was all great and that we had just had a misunderstanding) turned out to be a pathological liar. At least, that is the only explanation I can come up with. 2. In reaction, I dated a seriously boring boy for a few weeks, along with going on single dates with people I had virtually no interest in. 3. My ex -- who I have been great friends with since we broke up, and who I still love dearly -- is "in love" with his new girlfriend of two months and she is pregnant. I still can barely say these words out loud. I come home at night and I am literally so exhausted from pretending to be fine that I either crawl into bed at like 8 p.m. or go out and stay out till all hours with acquaintances I don't know very well who won't ask me about the situation b/c they (obviously) know nothing about it. 4. And that, my friends, is why I am running away to another city.

Oh no!! That sucks soooo much, poptart. I can't even imagine. Although I don't normally condone "running," maybe a new city and fresh start is just what you need. And San Fran (right?) is awesome so it's not like you're settling for something. If it makes you feel any better, your ex is going to hit some serious roadblocks ahead. Nothing says "danger, Will Robinson" like two months together and a baby on the way.

I have a friend who lives in San Fran. He's totally lame but hilarious and somewhat nice when he sees pretty girls (ah, boys), so maybe y'all can hang out when you get there. He just moved there pretty recently too and he's always looking for new friends. He's also completely open to new things and has a penchant for 80s cover bands. Go figure. I'll have to hook y'all up once you get there. (Totally friend based because, well, I don't want to be mean on the internet. )

blubirde · Chanel

Dizzy wrote:

Ahhhh, the arsehole: - reminded me that when a guy witholds, then suddenly snaps back to attention, then witholds again, I will go crazy. In less than two weeks. - proved that I am willing to tolerate seriously boring, unattractive men if I think they will be "safe." But the qualities that influence them to be boring and unattractive also mean they are not safe. (just emotionally damaged) And they're also not fun to look at. So what's the point. - brought out all my player qualities. seriously y'all, i am as bad as they are and it's all based on having been hurt. One of my guy friends was like "duh, why do you think guys are players?" It is obvious, I guess, but that had not occurred to me. - clearly demonstrated the pattern in my relationships: I date a lot of men, but I stay with men who are so insecure, that the minute I do anything like, refuse to see them for the third day in a row, they feel rejected and then they go out of their way to reject me. So I worry that I'm mean and end up walking on eggshells trying not to reject them, but then they get bored because I'm too easy to get. But they won't let me actually leave them because that hurts their feelings and so every time I try to get out of it we start the whole thing over again. - so, I end up an emotional wreck, trying way to hard to be nice to someone who is only trying to protect himself from any slight or perceived rejection, while never giving me attention, affection or anything that feels real. - once i let go of needing him to be nice to me, I realized he kind of bores me and he needs to bleach his teeth, hit the gym, buy some new clothes and stop bobbing his head when he talks. And he's sort of cheap too. I got so tired of that sigh every time he had to pull out his wallet (another pattern with me and these guys, I end up paying for everything because I dont' want them to think that I'm using them - they tend to complain about "pretty girls conning free dinners" and I'll be like "that's not me and I'll prove it." God I'm dumb sometimes). Anyway, so it was a huge learning experience. We're friendlyish, but he's mad that I blow him off and I can't help but be bored around him (he doesn't even think the daily show is funny), so it's obviously not one of the richest, most rewarding relationships in my life right now. Bestwhensimple - I'm so sorry about your friend, what a doink! He'll be back, and you'll get to blow him off without rancor because by then you won't care. And I know what you mean about the guys who are nice, but still jerks. Dating is fun, though. And dating a bunch of guys really helps take the nerves out of the whole experience. the first date I went on with a guy I liked after the divorce, I was literally shaking (and he was so not worth it). Kisa - glad that iceland boy is still behaving himself - I remember him being pretty hot, right? Bluebirde sweetie - I know exactly what you mean! Normal people say things that hurt, but when it's so hard when you've been aroudn someone who is completely amazing at saying seemingly normal things designed to hurt like hell, then says you're being too sensitive if you complain, wow. There's just this filter in your head that calculates where he's going with that and what it means and what you have to say to not look bad, and what he could say to what you say. And turning that off is so hard! Good for you for holding it together while still feeling the leftover hurt! That takes so much strength! And I bet the boy doesn't even realize how much you're doing. But we all do and I think you're doing so great! Nylabelle - stupid is gone! That is wonderful! I'm so excited for you! And pulling a friendship out of a work relationship is just the trickiest move and you pulled it off! You've had such a hard year. Transition and change and so much going on... It really takes a lot out of a person and you're handling it with so much humor, and, of course, great style. I'm really glad things are coming together for you now! Kaykay - oh I'm sorry about your tooth, and I really hope you get your vacation. Are you going someplace to be alone? or just hanging aroudn the house? Whatever you do don't you dare spend your vacation "catching up" on all the little things around the house. You catch up on YOU babe... or I'll be so mad :D Ok, thanks for the stylethread fix - and seriously, I didn't mean to be cliquey or anything. I want to hear from everyone who has any news. Post it, ya darn lurkers! heehee... (or lurk if you want to, it's ok).

Dizzy, I hate that guy for you. Arsehole, indeed. Seriously - what a jerk! I hate guys like that. The last guy I dated before I found the boy was totally like that. And only once I found my boyfriend did I realize how incredibly lame and boring the old guy was. If my experience is any indication, some amazing guy must be right around the corner for you. Or, ya know, some really hot guy to help, uh, heal the pain.

I wish you lived here! We'd have weekly girl talks and it would be so cool.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Oh poptart baby - I'm so sorry! I wish you lived in my boring area so we could go do fun things together and forget about the men. Ouch, ouch, ouch. That pathological liar will end up alone or with someone who's such a doink she doesn't intimidate him, and he was a little boring and undeservedly conceited too, wasn't he? Admit it... although really you didn't say enough about him to know for sure, but that's generally the way this type works... (I'm thinking of that brendan asshole who called Lindsay Lohan firecrotch but is so greasy and icky no one would ever want to sleep with him if he didn't have millions of dollars that someone else earned, and even then the person who's willing to hold her nose for the money is Paris Hilton. Ew.)

And as for your ex, oh wow honey. It will be ok, it really will. You hang in there. {{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

blubirde wrote:

I wish you lived here! We'd have weekly girl talks and it would be so cool.

That would be awesome! I have great friends in real life too, but y'all stylethread babes are so incredibly cool!

bestwhensimple · Nine West

Dude, poptart, your ex-boyfriend is a jerk. Honestly, does he really think that a healthy relationship will come from getting a girl pregnant after dating her for only two months? He is definitely heading down the road of trouble. Just be thankful that you're not the pregnant girl stuck with the jerk.

And definitely moving to another city is a good idea. It's not that you're running away from your problems. I feel the same way now. I am quitting my job and heading back to my hometown and to visit my sister up north this summer before coming back to finish up school. A change of scenery will help you focus on yourself. You can try new things and meet new people that can help you get through this. And San Francisco is wonderful and full of fun things to do. You'll be so busy you won't have time to think about the two jerks. I'm going to be doing the same thing this summer. You'll get through this. I already feel like I'm over my peak of sadness, and that I'm getting better. Hopefully you'll get there, too.

And I hate liars. Why can't they just tell you the truth and stop being cowards? Arg.

Oh, and it's good that you're going on dates. It's OK that you aren't really interested in the guys. At least they're keeping you busy and away from the 8 PM bedtime.

So, cheer up, buttercup! It'll be OK.

bestwhensimple · Nine West

Oh, and dizzy, I totally see the dating pattern that you're describing. Sometimes we just settle for guys that we know aren't the best because we think that they're nice or "safe." But, honestly, what's the point of that? Everyone gets hurt in relationships, even if the relationship works.

So, my new motto is to try to date a range of guys. My friend has the greatest analogy for dating. She says that dating guys is like shopping for shoes. You can try out a couple different pairs, but you don't have to buy and take all of them home. And we all know that no one wants to take home a boring or mediocre pair of shoes.

Yeah, and cheap men really annoy me. I like it when a guy says that he'll pay for this one if I pay for the next one. That shows me he's interested in seeing me again, and that he isn't stingy. It's nice.

And, gosh, who doesn't think that the Daily Show is funny??!?!?! Oh, dizzy, you need to find someone else that's interesting for the sake of your sanity!

Maat · Kenneth Cole

Hi, Dizzy. Thanks for asking! Things are going absolutely wonderful. We have been seeing a lot of each other on the weekends and talking regularly.

Great idea! It was interesting to hear all your updates.

luckyclover · Dooney & Bourke

poptart {hugs} that just sucks. I think that bluebirde is right...Only 2 months dating and already pregnant is just asking for trouble. I'm so sorry. Maybe hanging out with your acquaintances will grow you some new friends.

kisa · Dooney & Bourke

I thought this would be kind of general, but I can see that it's not, so I will actually admit the problems in my relationship instead of glossing over them.

A. Is for arrogant. Iceland-boy can be so arrogant it's off-putting. He loves himself, and we have had actual hour long discussions about his greatness. Everything from his looks, to his smarts, to his job, to his penis. Wtf! He's not insecure at all and never has been, he just genuinely loves himself.

B. He really really really wants to marry me, like soon. I've told him I don't want to get married. (I am 19) But it seems like it's fast becoming the only viable option for us to remain in the same country for more then 3 month intervals. He's been married before (totally creepy) and he has a Canadian citizenship, but he almost starved to death here because of his stubborness, and refuses to move back.
Lately things have been going pretty well, but when we are in a bad spell I will have loads more to bitch about.

Dizzy and Poptart: You guys remind me of a pair of Carrie Bradshaws. I suggest getting together with your best girlfriends, eating cheesecake, drinking cosmos, and watching Sex and the City.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

kisa wrote:

B. He really really really wants to marry me, like soon. I've told him I don't want to get married. (I am 19) But it seems like it's fast becoming the only viable option for us to remain in the same country for more then 3 month intervals. He's been married before (totally creepy) and he has a Canadian citizenship, but he almost starved to death here because of his stubborness, and refuses to move back.
Lately things have been going pretty well, but when we are in a bad spell I will have loads more to bitch about. .

Married? Is it ok if I get a little big sister on you? Hope so, here goes: Can he articulate the reasons why his first marriage didn't work, and does he accept responsibility? (I mean, it must have been hard to leave a guy whose good, ahem, qualities are worth an hour long discussion, right? So as a first wife myself, maybe she had her reasons...) And why is your desire not to get married less important than the distance? It seems like it would be exactly the most important thing... Actually, usually the conversation goes "I dont' want to get married right now." "Ok." You know what you're doing. And you have to follow your heart, I just wonder if the guy you want at 19 will be the guy you want five years from now. I talked about marrying the guy I was dating at 19 and seriously, I'm pretty glad we broke up...

poptart · Coach

blubirde wrote:

Oh no!! That sucks soooo much, poptart. I can't even imagine. Although I don't normally condone "running," maybe a new city and fresh start is just what you need. And San Fran (right?) is awesome so it's not like you're settling for something. If it makes you feel any better, your ex is going to hit some serious roadblocks ahead. Nothing says "danger, Will Robinson" like two months together and a baby on the way.
I have a friend who lives in San Fran. He's totally lame but hilarious and somewhat nice when he sees pretty girls (ah, boys), so maybe y'all can hang out when you get there. He just moved there pretty recently too and he's always looking for new friends. He's also completely open to new things and has a penchant for 80s cover bands. Go figure. I'll have to hook y'all up once you get there. (Totally friend based because, well, I don't want to be mean on the internet. )

Thanks, Bluebirde! I am definitely all for meeting new people. As friends.

I do feel really good about the decision; it's something I wanted to do after my ex and I broke up, but timing just totally didn't work out, so the fact that it's working out now is awesome. It just sucks that I feel like he's being ripped out of my life. But, I suppose that's what I get for trying to stay friends.

poptart · Coach

Dizzy wrote:

Oh poptart baby - I'm so sorry! I wish you lived in my boring area so we could go do fun things together and forget about the men. Ouch, ouch, ouch. That pathological liar will end up alone or with someone who's such a doink she doesn't intimidate him, and he was a little boring and undeservedly conceited too, wasn't he? Admit it... although really you didn't say enough about him to know for sure, but that's generally the way this type works... (I'm thinking of that brendan asshole who called Lindsay Lohan firecrotch but is so greasy and icky no one would ever want to sleep with him if he didn't have millions of dollars that someone else earned, and even then the person who's willing to hold her nose for the money is Paris Hilton. Ew.)

And as for your ex, oh wow honey. It will be ok, it really will. You hang in there. {{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}

Thanks!

I wish we lived near each other, too. I feel like we are living a very similar life right now! Your a**hat could have been the same guy I was dating. I'm so glad you broke free from him and his BS baggage. Grrr.

Oh, and you're right, the pathological liar was a total egotist. We *always* talked about him. I felt like I had to put anything I said, including information about me, into cliffs notes-sized pieces for him, b/c I knew he could only focus on me for about 3 minutes at a time. It was like teaching high school all over again. What was I thinking?!?!