STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of  my pantiliner had a bunch

of

"Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice  such as:

- Staying active during your period can  relieve cramps.

- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and  headaches.

- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and  feeling

fresh.

- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

Obviously the individual behind this was someone  who has never

possessed a

functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a  menstruating woman that

drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling  fresh. See

what

happens

and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it,  dump out the coffee at work and remove the

chocolate

from the vending machine. I  garan-friggin-tee that the first responders

will be

females who just  ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine  hygiene

products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that

from their

elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own

recipes for

survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out shit advice  while sneaking in ads for the brand that was

already purchased is just plain  annoying, not to mention rude, and

enough to

send a

girl running to another  brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even

need

these products. It's not a  fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by

adding

smiley faces or bunnies or  flowery cutesy crap to your products or the

packaging.

Put the shit in a  plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts

discreetly and have it blend  in among the wine and beer. There is

nothing more

annoying than having a  blinding pink package announcing your uterine

state to

everyone in the  store.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your  ass.

Ovarily Yours,

Miss PMS