STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

jettie · Kate Spade

Long distance breakups

poptart · Coach

That's a tough one. I'm sorry!

Do you think the breakup is pretty mutual? If so, I'd think a nice long phone call would be fine. But, if you think he wants to continue working on things, I would say you should drive to him to end it. That's JMO, though, b/c I think it would make things easier with mutual friends, etc.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

That is a toughie! I was in a long distance relationship for part of college so I know how you feel.

Well, one thing to ask yourself is, do you want to try to make it work with him? Do you think the recent difficulties are caused by the situation (being long distance, the scheduling things that have kept you apart), or is it that you're just not right for each other? Maybe you should talk to him and say part of what you've said to us: you're not sure what's going on between you now, and you'd like to know how he's feeling. It doesn't sound like you're convinced it's over, but at the same time, it doesn't sound like you're heartbroken at the idea of being without him. Maybe that means it is time to move on. You know better than me, obviously, so take that with a large grain of salt! Is that a fair assessment?

lynnie · Chanel

has most of your relationship been long distance? i'd do it over the phone if so, and just blame the distance. Is it a situation where you won't be long distance soon? Maybe you can tell him you want to see how it goes once you're together again, but for now, the distance is too hard and you just want to be friends.

jettie · Kate Spade

Thanks for the responses! I still haven't gotten a phone call back so I'm assuming his mad, which doesn't surprise me.

Scarlett - I don't think I want to continue with the relationship. I love him but I know he isn't "the one." And, I'm actually interested in moving (not to where he lives and a lot farther than 4 hours driving distance) to a new city. I haven't told him this...

I don't want to hurt him but I have a feeling that will happen with anything I do. When I finally get to talk to him, maybe I'll drive up there so we can talk like you suggested Poptart. I have class next weekend and he is out of town so we'd be in relationship limbo for a few more weeks.

This is tough. I also feel bad b/c he bought two tickets for this group of concerts around my house this summer. And I had plans to go to the beach with his group of college friends. I already paid $150 for it. Guess we'll both have some monetary losses....

jettie · Kate Spade

Lynnie - its actually been long distance the whole time. We never had plans to make it otherwise. We had discussed it but I wasn't ready for him to move close to me (he had talked about moving in together). We'd just see eachother on weekends and on vacations.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I'm sorry sweetie - this sounds hard. I think Poptart called it right...

jettie · Kate Spade

Update - Long distance breakups

laken1 · Hermes

RE: Long distance breakups

jettie · Kate Spade

Okay right after I wrote the message below, he called...finally!!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

That sounds very aggravating! I'm glad he finally called. It sounds as though you know your feelings aren't strong enough to stay together. I'm sorry you may be going through a break up soon, but you seem like you'll be totally fine, and you have some cool things on the horizon. Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

laken1 · Hermes

So what happened when he called? If you don't mind sharing.....

jettie · Kate Spade

Laken - we talked for a long time...I asked him if he wanted to continue with the relationship and he said yes. I asked why he was just returning my phone call now, he said he thought I was acting distant (I was). He never asked me if I wanted to continue with the relationship after I asked him, he just went on telling me about what he had been up to, as if nothing had happened.

I mentioned that I was applying for jobs in other cities...when I mentioned San Francisco, he started talking about potential for earthquakes, etc. Never where would this leave our relationship...very strange.

I'm a woos, I'm so bad at breaking up with guys - I think I like it better when they break up with me I haven't talked to him again since we talked Wednesday though. We are definitely in relationship limbo.