STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Hermes

on-line dating sites

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

My experience with internet dating is limited. I had a free profile on Yahoo for a brief period and took it down after a bunch of skeevy guys sent me messages about "getting together." However, a good friend of mine met her husband through Match.com and they're very happy and in love.

blubirde · Chanel

She should try match.com, myspace.com, and if her local indie paper has an online singles section, try that too. (That's where I met my current boyfriend - the paper one, although I was doing match for awhile too.)

Myspace is not strictly for dating but I've met lots of interesting people through that site, regardless.

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

Another option is through Salon.com. Their listings are part of the Springstreet network, which is part of the same database that the Onion, Time Out New York, etc. uses, so you're reaching a wider audience.

http://www.springstreetnetworks.com/

Maat · Kenneth Cole

Although I am a big chicken about online dating, I have briefly put up profiles on match.com and eharmony.com.

I took mine down from match.com because I got too many sleazy messages. The problem is your profile is up there for anyone to see regardless of whether you are compatible. So, even if you say you don't want kids or workaholics, guys with kids and who work 24/7 will contact you. I even had some guy contact me just to argue with me over why I wouldn't date a guy with kids! There are just too many people on that site because it is cheap to join and I believe there are some things you can even do for free. So, I think a lot of guys just go through all the profiles of cute girls in their area and copy and paste the same message to everyone. This is obvious because the message doesn't even try to mention anything from your profile. It just reads like a form letter or will just say, "What up. Your cute. Wanna chat? (I spelled "you're" wrong on purpose because 9 out of 10 times, they spell it wrong). Also, I was scared that people I wouldn't want knowing about my dating life (i.e. ex-boyfriends, employers, people I don't get along with, etc.) would read my profile.

The benefit of match.com is that even in a 10 mile radius, there are hundreds of matches to pick from.

Eharmony, on the other hand, is more private. You fill out a whole questionnaire about yourself and what you want in a guy. Then, they send you matches that fit your criteria. So, it's not like your profile is out there for the world to see; only people who fit your criteria can see you and vice versa. Also on the questionnaire, you get asked about your dealbreakers so if you choose that you will not date a guy with kids or who is a workaholic, you won't get sent matches with kids or that are workaholics. Once you receive your matches, you or the match can choose to get in touch. The first couple steps involve sending prewritten questions to each other to get an idea of whether you get along. I believe the first step is sending your "must haves" and "can't stands" selected from a list to each other. Then, the second step is sending multiple choice questions and the third step is sending open ended essay questions. You can "close" the match at any point in this process if they say something you don't like so that they cannot communicate with you anymore. You get to pick from a fun list of vague reasons for closing the match. If you make it through all those steps, you can then start writing each other messages. It's pretty fun.

The downfall of eharmony.com is that you don't get to pick from as many people as you would on match.com. Since you take a personality test and select criteria for your match, you will only receive people that fit your criteria, and that might only be like 3 people. And, in real life, sometimes you do end up dating a guy who has a behavior or baggage that is usually a dealbreaker for you. Since you only get to see the guys who fit the criteria you picked, you may never get to see the guy who is so perfect in every other way that you would overlook the fact that he has a 5 year old, even if you thought you would NEVER, EVER date a guy with children no matter what. Because, admit it, sometimes it happens. Sometimes you say I will NEVER date a guy who ______, but then you date a guy who ________ and it is the best relationship of your life. So, basically, eharmony.com limits your options.

Also, it is pretty expensive.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Starstuff wrote:

Another option is through Salon.com. Their listings are part of the Springstreet network, which is part of the same database that the Onion, Time Out New York, etc. uses, so you're reaching a wider audience. http://www.springstreetnetworks.com/

this is exactly how I met my BF... it seems to draw a more artsy crowd than a more mainstream site like Match. At least, I noticed a lot of creative types when I was on there. Then again, that could just be because I like creative types.

-- Edited by sephorablue at 19:29, 2006-04-12

luckyclover · Dooney & Bourke

So far I don't know anyone who has entered into a serious relationship from online. The closest thing I have seen is a friend of mine dated a girl for awhile that he met on eharmony. I have a single brother if anyone is interested. He is 24, recently divorced and has an adorable 4 year old daughter. I'm screening this time

He says he is making a myspace page but as far as I know he hasn't yet.

halah · Kenneth Cole

I woudl reccomend myspace as a good informal way to meet guys. I met my last boyfriend through myspace even though it wasn't my intention. He saw my profile through a music group we were both in and we started chatting back and forth about bands we both liekd. I liked that I was able to see his friends, even his sister's page so I felt like I got a really good idea of what kind of person he is unlike match.com where I'm scared it's just guys preying on single women! In the end I broke if off with the guy but we're still friends.

I've been considering online dating as well just because being new to NYC with very few friends here it is so HARD to meet guys!!! I've been talking to some other women and they all reccomend the site the Sephorablue metions as well as the mainstream (yahoo, match.com etc) ones. They just say you have to be careful. A girl in a brunchgroup I joined said she had luck with itsjustlunch.com but I think that is much more expensive and they actually interview you and match you.

A close friend from back home used yahoo personals and is about to get engaged to a guy she met through there! I'm still trying to decide if I want to go the online route but it's good to hear success stories!

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

I tried Match.com and I'd recommend it as more of a way to get back into the swing of things, rather than as a tool to find a serious relationship. As we all know, it always seems that once you start dating, 10 more people suddenly pop out of the woodwork. I've also heard good things about ItsJustLunch.com...It's more for professionals, and has a more rigorous screening process (Match has none). Alternatively, I would recommend checking out the salsa scene. TONS of men. Again, not where I would necessarily look for a serious relationship, but I have met some quality people through salsa. Salsa is also good as a confidence and self-esteem booster.

kate · BCBG

i actually know of success stories from match.com and eharmony. i know of at least 3 couples getting married after having met on those sites!

and jdate (obviously only if your friend is jewish!). and some of my friends have had success on nerve.com but that might just be a nyc thing? and it seemed like those people were more interested in casual dating than looking for a relationship.