STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

my friend's friend died -- how to do something for her?

poptart · Coach

That's really sweet of you! Maybe you could also call a spa in her area and get her a massage gift certificate?

blubirde · Chanel

How about some non-perishable food items, too? A friend once sent me a care package that included some spa stuff and some food things when I was studying for the bar. I loved the spa stuff but I really appreciated the foodstuffs because god knows I wasn't interested in shopping for food then.

You really are so sweet!

NCshopper · Hermes

Hmm...while I like the idea of doing something nice for her, I don't know how I feel about bath stuff. It almost seems like it's too "light" for the gravity of losing a good friend. How about maybe flowers and a donation to a charity in honor of the friend? Like if you know she was into animals, maybe an animal shelter or a non-profit sports camp if she was into that sort of thing.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

That sounds like a really sweet idea...

shopgirl82 · Chanel

i had a period when i was in college when i lost friends kind of back to back. the best "gift" i got was flowers.

i know this may sound stupid, but gourmet food and luxurious bath items didn't seem important after my friends' deaths.

ILoveChoo · Hermes

NCshopper wrote:

Hmm...while I like the idea of doing something nice for her, I don't know how I feel about bath stuff. It almost seems like it's too "light" for the gravity of losing a good friend. How about maybe flowers and a donation to a charity in honor of the friend? Like if you know she was into animals, maybe an animal shelter or a non-profit sports camp if she was into that sort of thing.

I like this idea. It seems a lot more thoughtful and personal.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Yeah...I didn't know if the stuff I was thinking of was too "light." I just want to do *something* but I wanted to get some feedback. Thanks so much for the suggestions, everyone.

I know her friend did social work, and spent two years in Alaska working with Native Americans. Donating something to an organization that would help people sounds like the right way to commemorate her friend's life.

Marg · Kenneth Cole

I like the flowers too, and maybe a special book of some sort (if you have the time to spend looking).

Kelly · Hermes

is there any way you could go visit her? how far away does she live?

This past winter two people very dear to me died within a month, and it was a horribly hard time for my family. I didn't tell a whole lot of people because I didn't really know how to just call someone and say, "console me, I'm going through a hard time" but I would've given anything just to have someone show up for me

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

I think everyone grieves differently so it depends on the type of person your friend is. I know when my grandma died I prefered bubble baths to try and perk myself up when i cried and chocolate chip cookies people made for my family. I honestly had no clue who donated to her charity nor did I care at the time (this is just me I know everyone is different and your friend might care more than I). Basically it is just dependant on what your friend would appreciate and value from you.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

I know I would appreciate food in a care package. Everybody needs to eat and it would let her know you are thinking about her.

alb · Marc Jacobs

Marg wrote:

I like the flowers too, and maybe a special book of some sort (if you have the time to spend looking).

All of these suggestions are great and really sweet but I like this idea the best-- I think it's very thoughtful given the situation (JMO though). maybe get her a good book on grief or a lighthearted book to take her mind off of things.

-- Edited by alb at 08:54, 2006-04-11

dot · Marc Jacobs

i like the idea of flowers, but sometimes the best thing to do in this kind of situation is to just be there for her and try to be normal... i guess when everyone is always asking, "how are you doing?" "how are you feeling" it can sometimes be too much. sometimes a sense of everyday normal things is really important.

dot · Chanel

dot
i like the idea of flowers, but sometimes the best thing to do in this kind of situation is to just be there for her and try to be normal... i guess when everyone is always asking, "how are you doing?" "how are you feeling" it can sometimes be too much. sometimes a sense of everyday normal things is really important.

This is how I felt when I lost someone close to me, I did not want alot of people hovering over me. They gave me my space but was always there if I needed them. However everyone is different. I also had my son to take care of and this helped by keeping me busy.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

It's true, everyone does go through these things differently. She said yesterday that she didn't know how to feel, and sometimes was crying, other times overcome with anger at how unfair it is.

ttara, I'm going to see her in May. She's currently living in a city about 45 minutes from where I grew up, so I invited her to come stay at my parents for a weekend when I come down for a visit, or I could come to her. I think she's lonely in her city and welcomes the idea of being in someone's house and getting looked after for a little while.

I think what I'll do is donate to a charity in her friend's name, and also send her a care package. We used to eat Cheez-Its all the time in college, so I'll put that in as kind of the "fun" thing, and also a book and some other stuff. We both love David Sedaris, so hopefully I can pick a book by him she doesn't already own.

Thanks for all the ideas, everyone. This is such a supportive group of women.

curiouscookie · BCBG

Scarlett:

You are being a really wonderful friend - I am sure she will feel comforted by your thoughfulness.

Karina · Chanel

I like the idea of flowers. Sorry to hear about your friend's loss :(

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Thank you.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

i'm so sorry to hear about your friend's loss, how incredibly tragic. i think you're being a wonderful friend and i love the idea of giving her a little tlc at your parents' and a care package in the meantime. ((((((((hugs to you))))))) ((((((((((hugs to pass on to her)))))))