STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Turns out the great guy... update

ejc423 · Coach

RE: Turns out the great guy...

poptart · Coach

Uck - I'm sorry, Dizzy! But, you made the right call. Don't call him or see him!

I have a feeling he's kicking himself right now ...

laken1 · Hermes

What a dick. Sorry Dizzy!

nicoley · Coach

Oh dizzy, sorry to hear about the news... I really thought this guy had potential from what you had posted in the past. On the up side, at least you found out sooner than later. And I Know you are smart and strong enough to not bother seeing this guy anymore. Good Luck!

shopgirl82 · Chanel

somebody needs to tell this guy that while he's busy following his "plans", that life is going to pass him by (not to mention a lot of great opportunities).

-- Edited by shopgirl82 at 18:15, 2006-04-09

jettie · Kate Spade

I'm sorry to hear the news dizzy... you are doing the right thing.

atlgirl · Gucci

I had to walk away, even though he didn't really want to break up

Well, *of course* he didn't. He wanted to have his cake and eat it, too. Jerk!

At least he told you though - I guess he could have just played you along until the "right" girl showed up. Better you know know than later, and good for you for being strong enough to say goodbye rather than open yourself to more heartbreak.

From what I know of you through this forum, the LAST thing that guy (or any guy) is doing is settling. I think he'll be kicking himself later on for letting you go. *hugs* Hang in there, sweetie; I know this is so hard!

NCshopper · Hermes

Oh, diz, that sucks! I'm so sorry! Props to you though for not settling for this guy.

You'll find some guy that's just as great AND who is ready to be good to you.

cat · Marc Jacobs

I'm so sorry Dizzy.What a jerk ((((((hugs)))))))).

I just don't get how a four year age diffrence can be such a big deal to him.The only way it would matter is if he is an immature jerk, which obviously he must be.

I feel for you, I recently had a potential relationship with this really great guy not work out because of age difference, but at least it was because of a 26 year age difference.

-- Edited by cat at 13:50, 2006-04-10

blubirde · Chanel

ah, the jerk in nice guy clothing. I hate that guy waaay more than the obvious ones. You're definitely stronger than I am. I've hung on to many a jerk in nice guy clothing even after hearing something similar to what you heard in hopes of things changing or them changing or me changing or whatever. It never works out. You did the right thing. And the strong thing. I'm so proud of you!

You are my "who do I want to be" this week. Again, a la Duckie in Pretty in Pink, may I admire you again today?

Hermes

Dizzy wrote:

...that I was dating was really bothered by the age difference. (4 1/2 years to the day). He's 27 and I'm 31. We had that talk about potential and he said he has a plan and I could get too old to have kids before he's ready. So basically, we were having a great relationship, but it was just temporary until someone with all the qualifications he wanted came along. He said he couldn't get it out of his head that he was settling. So obviously I had to walk away, even though he didn't really want to break up. But I think I would have felt too bad about myself. It's really weird for me. This is the first time in my life I've been the girl guys want to date, but don't want to take home to mom. It really feels awful and I have to be so careful or they'll treat me like crap. Or break my heart with "you're just not what I see myself being with..." Oh well, I'm saying he was my Berger (from SATC). Looked perfect, lots of fun, but not really ready to be good to me... At least he didn't break up with me on a post-it! Oh, and now I have to be strong enough to make sure it's really over and not see him anymore. Wish me luck... -- Edited by Dizzy at 11:05, 2006-04-09

Ugh - plans schmans. I hope he he gets a heaping helping of the life lesson that life never goes according to plan.

I can't believe he told you that making the decision to be with you, based on a slight age difference, is "settling." Well, I'm glad you found out earlier than later, you deserve to find someone that is so into you that they would considering changing their "plans" just to be with you.

Mandy · Kate Spade

im sorry dizzy. you are so fabulous, how could anyone ever think of being with you as settling? its best you aren't with someone that has everything planned out. like detroit said, life never goes as planned anyone. he needs to be more willing to live like he wants rather than working under some "plan" of the right time to settle down.

small fry · Chanel

so sorry dizzy. guys

they can be so dumb. He does not know what he is missing b/c who knows you could have been Mrs. right

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

i never did like berger, i thought he was immature and insecure and stupid. same w/ this guy, what an a**hole.

also, about this being the first time in your life where you feel like you're "the girl guys want to date but not bring home", please know that this is SO their issue and not yours. i know it's hard but really, it's their loss and their insecurities and has NOTHING to do with you. one day this guy is going to realize that he let the most amazing girl walk out of his life because of his rigid rules. until that day comes, we're here to remind you: you are a goddess and nobody would be settling if they were lucky enough to be with you. (((((((hugs sweetie)))))))

Misty · Dooney & Bourke

What a dumbass! You're the one who would be settling if you remained with him. A four-year difference is nothing. He's just an insecure, immature jerk who obviously was not good enough for you and he needs to get his facts straight. I'm sorry, Dizzy. You'll find a great guy soon enough that won't let you slip through his fingers. Loser.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

RE: Turns out the great guy... update

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

ok...i could be TOTALLY off-base but I think he still has the power to hurt you. if you didn't care you wouldn't be for him not saying hi @ the library or even put any effort into being mean to him. you really just wouldn't give a sh*t. you know that old saying about indifference and not hate being the opposite of love? i believe it.

now, if you're absolutely positively 100% sure that the only thing you want him for is casual sex and revenge, sure go ahead and have fun. but if there is even a 1% chance that you're still emotionally invested, cut off all contact. unless of course you've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and really try to work on the relationship, which it doesn't sound like because it sounds like you still hate him. but again, i could be totally off-base. either way, good luck and know that we're here for you. (((((hugs))))

Maat · Kenneth Cole

Dizzy wrote:

He came crawling back, really crawling, and is letting me be as mean as I want to him. It's kind of fun. I'm so used to holding my breath trying to be nice to him because I thought HE was so nice and I was the mean one. So now, I'm using him for sex a-la-Izzy, even though I don't think he's good enough for me now, and saying mean things whenever I have the opportunity. Which is probably my passive agressive way of dealing with being hurt. Should I tell him how mad I still am, or just work it out and dump him? I feel like that scene in Pretty Woman where Richard Gere says his therapist told him he has issues with being "very angry with my father" and after he raided his father's corporation, the therapist "said I'm cured."

I know we are two different people, but I have had the exact same thing happen and have had the exact same train of thought, guy breaks up with me, guy comes crawling back, I decide that I am going to "play" him and treat him like crap. Unfortunately, the story would always end with things going back to how we were when we were dating and nothing changing on his part. I finally made the decision that I would not do that anymore-when it was over, it was over.

Really, I think the best revenge is to tell him (pretty much verbatim) "You are SO nice, but I really only like you as a friend. I'm not sure there is any chemistry between us" and then not hook up with him anymore. From my experience, that is the one thing a guy never wants to hear.

The reason why things ended is so stupid. He thought you were going to be too old to have children? First of all, things don't go as planned in life. You cannot plan to get married at a certain age or plan to have kids by a certain age. There are outside factors beyond your control in both of those events. Second of all, how long does he plan on dating someone before marrying them? You are only 31 so even if you dated 5 years before getting married (which is pretty long, IMO), you are still only 36 and still of child-bearing age. However stupid it is though, it is not an opinion he is likely to easily change. Not unless he has to work hard as hell to get you back in his life. Sometimes it takes losing a woman to make a guy realize how much he really wanted her.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I hate his whole idea of having "a plan" for how his life is supposed to go. What about being open to the wonderful surprizes along the way? And the thing about the age difference being too much is silly. I do think that in general women are more mature than men at the same age, but it's not a hard and fast truth. For example, my brother is 27 and his wife will be 31 next month.

I'm afraid that if you continue having this physical relationship with him that it won't turn out very well. I can't see any positives, either in hooking up with someone you dislike and being mean to him, or in hooking up with someone who you may develop feelings for again but who may bolt just the same. If you truly don't like this person, or even hate him now, it will cause him the most pain if you drop him. I mean, why waste your time on this guy? You could meet someone else who will rock your world!