STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

shopgirl82 · Chanel

Passwords...

Drew · Gucci

What's that old saying? Oh, yeah: Let sleeping dogs lie.

Hermione · Kate Spade

well, just because you're part of a couple doesn't mean you're not still your own person, so i can understand wanting to keep some things private - not like you're keeping a secret, you're just not laying everything out - and we're talking about shopping lists and email here, not something like an affair or a secret job or something that youre "just not telling him."

so i think it's understandable that you would rather things stay that way. that said, if he asks you for the passwords, i don't see a problem with him having them ... although i don't know why he ever would, and if he did, maybe that would be a cause for concern b/c he's having some trust issues or something.

i don't think it's really anything you even need to worry about though, b/c as you said, he hasn't asked, and he honestly probably never will, and it's just a non-issue!

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

no no no no no. don't do it. we create passwords for reasons and we need to keep them private. I know he is your bf and you trust him but I still wouldn't share your passwords with him. If you feel guilty ask him to change his since you know them.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

Hermione wrote:

so i think it's understandable that you would rather things stay that way. that said, if he asks you for the passwords, i don't see a problem with him having them ... although i don't know why he ever would, and if he did, maybe that would be a cause for concern b/c he's having some trust issues or something.

the only time it has been an issue is when i have to get up from another couch, to sign in on my account. so the only need for him to have them are so i can sit on my fat butt and just yell the password to him, instead of getting up and typing it myself.

luckyclover · Dooney & Bourke

I agree with not bringing it up unless he does. I am in the reverse situation. My other half had a password to log onto his computer but mine is more dated and therefore didn't have that program. I didn't even know for awhile because I don't really use his computer- I use my own. I didn't need to have those and wouldn't have used them but It really really upset me. Even after I told him he pretty much said "so what" ! We got into a few really big fights about it. The last one he actually had already removed the password- I just didn't know because I don't go on his computer. I don't know why it upset me so much....I still get mad again just thinking about it and this was a long time ago. He did explain that he had that on there so when his brother came to visit he wouldn't be able to log onto the computer and see some things he didn't need to see (which I understood) but I was upset that he took so long to take it off (he is a procrastinator though). When I think about it I guess I was just offended thinking it was that he didn't trust me or something. Anyway your post made me feel better about even though I still don't think I will understand having to give "privacy" to the one person I want to share everything with.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

awww. i'm sorry you got in that fight. i think if roles were reversed, i would probably feel that way too though, like what does he have to hide?!

for us, it's been a non-issue, only an issue to me. like next time my bf hands me the computer to log in, should i just tell him it?! i mean, what do i really have to hide? shopping lists?! i think it's just something that i don't feel the need to share. i mean i never asked him, he just volunteered it. now i feel like i should volunteer mine. but for some weird reason i don't want to.

but i guess i was wondering more if other couples know their SO's passwords or not?

Elle · Hermes

But see, I have an email account that is only my own, in addition to the one we share, that I use when I have to enter an email address to register somewhere, or when I order stuff because those kinds of things generate alot of junk mail I'd rather not have mixed in with all of our 'real' email. I also have passwords to ebay, here, etc. I would feel completely offended that he didn't trust me if he ever demanded my passwords to that stuff! It's not about keeping secrets from each other IMO. I think if they think they need to know your passwords in order to keep an eye on you, there are some other issues there. As long as you aren't doing anything that would be a problem if it was 'found out' I don't see what the problem is.

I am a private person by nature, so the thought of having someone, even someone I love and am extrememly close to, going through my shopping lists and other personal stuff that might be considered 'silly' makes me really uncomfortable.

So, we share most things that would require a password (bank, email, etc) and don't have separate accounts to get onto the computer. However, because there is no reason for him to know, he does not know my private email password, my ST password, etc.

-- Edited by Elle at 17:06, 2006-04-05

blubirde · Chanel

Here's the deal: if he needed it for some reason, then I guess it'd be okay. If he doesn't need to access those things (shopping lists, email, ebay, etc.) then why worry with it? I'm sure he doesn't even think about it.

For me, if I shared a computer with someone else, I'd have it password protected too. Not because I have anything to hide but it's just one less thing to worry about.

So no, I wouldn't share my passwords with my boyfriend unless it was a situation where he needed to access something regularly. And I'm pretty sure he'd give me his passwords. So what? His loss.

jacL · Coach

Well, I have no problem with my BF knowing my passwords. He has used most of them at some point in time (usually when I am being lazy, like you, and just have him log into something for me), but he forgets them right away due to his inability to actually remember anything. I know his passwords and it has never been a problem.

I wouldn't feel bad though if there was a password I wouldn't want him to know, because, like Aurora said, passwords are there for a reason.

atlgirl · Gucci

I'm wondering *why* you feel that you should "volunteer" your password? If your BF is not expecting some sort of reciprocity, then why even worry about it?

DH and I don't make a point of sharing passwords, but we have a "password book" in which all our passwords are written down (for online banking, bill payment, etc. as well as inconsequential stuff like ebay and all that). Any one of us can check it out at any time if we need a password for semething.

We shared our e-mail psw's in the past - sometimes I've had to have him get into my email, and vice versa, so we know each other's. But I don't go into his e-mail on any kind of regular basis, nor does he go into mine. We have nothing to hide from one another. DH has no interest in checking out ST or any of my other forums (which he could if he wanted, because I *hate* to log into stuff all the time, so I have the computer store all my passwords so the web sites are just available to me all the time).

I suppose it might be different if we weren't married, but I really don't know. I wasn't a big computer user before I dated DH (back in 1998) and so this wasn't an issue for me in the past. But I personally don't care if he wants to go through all my e-mails or forums or whatnot, because there's nothing that I would freak out if he read.

I can see that in a dating situation, there might be more reasons for feeling that people want to keep their own passwords secret...but we're old marrieds and this just is a non-issue for us. I hope you do what you're comfortable with, and that your BF understands, either way. Everyone has "privacy levels", and though they might differ from each other, you ultimately have to feel some sense of security in your life. If keeping your passwords to yourself gives you that security, then I'd hope he respects that. And vice versa, if he didn't want to share certain things with you...

laken1 · Hermes

We both have several pretty general passwords that we use & I know all of his "options" & he knows all of mine. To be honest, if he had something that one of those didn't work on, I'd wonder what he had to hide. On the other hand, I'd really never know because it's not like I go in & check his email, accounts, etc. He should probably change them though because I have been known to log into his email to see receipts & such for gifts I'm getting

. We are married & I realize you each have your own identities & such, but I don't have anything to hide so I have no issues with our open door policy. On the other hand, I'd NEVER give such info to a boyfriend. You just never know.

e_doli · Dooney & Bourke

i know my bf's passwords, because it has come up at one point or another where i needed to go into his email account. i know that there have been a few times that i have asked him to check something in my email and given him my password, but i'm not sure that he would even remember it. (i, of course, totally remember his. this is the nature of our relationship.)

as far as passwords for other stuff (online bills, ebay, etc), we have a book with all of those pws written down. he never uses those, though.

it was never really an issue for us either way. we were fine with telling the other when it was needed, but we didn't sit down and say, "okay, tell me all your passwords and i'll tell you mine." i guess we both know that the other would never snoop into personal stuff unneccesarily, and if they did, there's not much to see anyway.

NCshopper · Hermes

I wouldn't worry about it too much either way, shopgirl82. I don't think it's a sign of not trusting him or anything like that. I think it's the practical, reasonable thing to do not to share them.

DH and I keep most everything password-related separate. I don't know the passwords to most of his stuff and he doesn't know most of my passwords either. It's not a trust issue, it's just how it is. If I needed him to check my email while I was away, I wouldn't have a problem giving it to him, but since he doesn't need to do that, he doesn't know.

Also, as a general rule, I just don't think there's anything as being "too safe" when it comes to the internet, your identity, and your finances. I think at this day and age, you need to be careful, and being careful means keeping your passwords to yourself.