STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Vanessa · Kate Spade

RE: Dealbreaker

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

yeah, hon, that email was AWFUL. And the follow-up crazy wig-out email he sent you just makes it worse. I agree that the emails are a much bigger red flag than the actual dog issue! Obviously I wasn't privy to your conversations beforehand, but it seems like he upped the emotional ante in a really nasty and aggressive way. so sorry you're going through this!

halleybird · Hermes

yikes! Vanessa, I just saw this post. How awful for you. That email made ME upset, and I don't even know the guy. The tone sounds very patronizing. And it doesn't make any sense... he says he doesn't want a dog "the size of a hamster" and then complains about stuff like mud, chewing, etc. which would be much bigger problems with a large dog.

The email aside, I don't think I would have married my husband if he didn't like dogs, or wasn't willing to at least tolerate them. It's not a matter of picking dogs over a person -- it's a matter of lifestyle and willingness to compromise. For example: I don't like birds, especially big tropical ones. They freak me out and I can't imagine having them. But if my husband loved them deeply, really wanted one, promised to help me adjust, I would get one in a heartbeat.

Good luck with your decision. I am sure you will do what you feel is right.

HeatherLynn · Gucci

Okay, my thoughts are that when he sent that email he was upset and frustrated. I also think you guys need to stop comparing yourselves to the ex and her husband. This will only cause frustration bc he did/did not do things with her that he will/won't do with you- which is definitely not healthy. What I got from the email was that if you want a dog get one, but it will be your dog not his. I personally think that is fair. When my bf got a dog it was his. He did not expect me to do anything with or for the dog. Now I did, but because I wanted to, never because he expected me to. So it sounds like it would be the same for him. I bet that if you get a dog he will end up loving it and taking care of it. It is probably that the thought of a dog is not what he wants right now, but that shouldn't stop you from getting one.

His last paragraph was brutal, but I think he was probably upset and things always come across much harsher in an email.

Good luck with this!!! Keep us updated.

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

I have considered this myself and not come up with an answer. In my situation I already have animals so I come with them and will not be getting rid of them for any reason. If I love someone and they are allergic, well they make medicine and we would have to find a way to keep the animals out of his spaces. If I did not have animals yet I am pretty sure there would be resentment. But I guess it would really come down to my feelings at the time. In your specific situation and given his explaination I think it would be a deal breaker for me. The issue is not with the animal as much as controll here, imo.

I would say that he is being really stubborn, and I dont really like his reasons. It really sounds like he is hung up on this past situation and will not admit it, but the animal issue is the evidence. I dont really know if this is something you have actually asked or he assumed, but do you really care if he "loves" the dog. I think it would be enough for you that you had one and he wasnt mean to it. If you are willing to clean and take care if it and are not asking for help he should compromise. I know when you say to him this could be a dealbreaker it will sound really harsh, but if you understand his opinion and he yours, I dont see why you could not have one. Especially since his reasons are cause someone else in my past and a friend of mine, have had bad experiences. You should not be punished for the ex. And sorry, but a bunny, come on as much as I like bunnies, they are not even close to the same thing. Dogs are much more interactive, smart, and become family members not just pets. In my opinion you really need to have a grown up conversation that addresses all issues and come to a conclusion. and make your decisions from there.

blubirde · Chanel

Does he talk like this to you often? Does he fight ugly all the time? I think that's the most important question really... is this a habit or is this a really, really sensitive issue for him?

Basically my point is: is this a one time thing or is he as mean as his email makes him seem?

KE · Kenneth Cole

Vanessa-I'm so sorry you are going through this yucky relationship stuff. First, I agree with everyone about the email being the dealbreaker-I thought it was horrid - I was so shocked when I read the last paragraph. I've been with my husband for 7 years and he has never spoken to me like that-I don't think there is any excuse for what he said to you. Second, he is absolutely unreasonable in his attitude about the dog. People who love each other make compromises all the time. The fact that he won't (in addition to his nastiness about it) to me is the dealbreaker. My husband hates my daughter's guinea pig. He didn't want the first one and he said after the guinea pig died - no more guinea pigs. Well, the first one died and my husband told me to go and get my daughter another one. He even had the cage cleaned with new bedding and the dishes and little house washed when we got home with the new one. He still hates the guinea pig (he calls him "The Rat") but he loves me and my daughter (his step-daughter) enough to compromise.