STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

dog owners...

Collette · Chanel

I can totally understand your angst on this issue. Is is possible you can leash the dog to something in the house so he is still there but unable to jump or go near the little girl? When my puppy was little I would give him a chewy bone and hook his leash to a piece of furniture when my niece and nephews came over because he would jump on them and knock them over in his overzealous hello.

If not there is nothing wrong with kenneling your dog when company is over. I do it with my dog (8 months old) and while he doesn't love it because he feels like he's missing out he's still fine at night when it's time for bed to go in the kennel. He does bark for a bit when he's in there but typically calms down in a few minutes relents and goes to sleep for a while.

Good Luck!

asf · Kate Spade

if i have someone who isn't a dog fan at my house, i usually just throw her out in the yard while they're over (and hope they don't stay long!). if that's not an option...could the bf take her for a long walk or to the park while your friend brings her daughter over? or could your a nearby relative (doesn't your mom or bf's mom live right by?) take her for a couple of hours? i've never crated my dog so i don't know anything about it, but i can see where a dog might take it as punishment rather than anything else.

RyanJ · Coach

I don't think you should have to kennel your dog when people come over. That is her house too. I think Collete's idea of putting you puppy on a leash when the little girl comes over is a good idea. The girl needs to get used to the dog if she is going to come over and to your house.

Maybe you could talk to your friend and she if she can help encourage the girl to not be so afraid of the dog. We have family friends that have a small child. Whenever the little girl would come over she would freak out and cry around our dogs. We found out that the girls mother was also scared of the dogs, but was able to hide it better than her child. The mother would say all these things about how mean and scary our dogs were and the little girl was hearing this and freaking out. She probably would not have been afraid of the dogs if her mom had not put it in her. I am not saying that is what is going on w/ the little girl, but maybe her parents could help her to not be so scared.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

i would not kennel the dog. you could undo so much of your teaching if you do. not to sound like a meanie, but just doing the risk/benefit ratio...potential years of not being able to get your dog in the kennel vs. a few hours of visiting time with a friend does not seem worth it. i'm not sure what you have available as far as sending your dog to family members, but i wouldn't kennel your dog.

laken1 · Hermes

I have a real issue with this too because I feel like it's our pets' home, and they deserve the same respect as the other members of our household. I don't know what to suggest, I was just letting you know that I sympathize with your situation & I think you should do what's best for your dog.

beachgirl · Kenneth Cole

I have never had a problem putting my dog in her kennel when people are over. She's so quiet, most of the time they don't even realize she's in there, and she definitely doesn't view it as a punishment. She will actually go in there on her own! I think if you don't make a big deal out of it, and do it in a positive manner, matter of factly, then your dog won't view it as a punishment. I wouldn't do anything extra or try to "bribe" your dog, just put her in the kennel like you normally do.

Or if you really don't want to do that, and you don't have a yard you can put her in, then you might consider putting up a baby gate. I find this works really well with my dogs as well, because then they're not closed off and they can still see and hear what's going on. I will usually put them in the laundry room when I do this, then instead of closing the door, put up the gate.

I understand that you don't want to upset your dog, but, it's really just a matter of training. This is purely my opinion, and I'm sure I'm going to get yelled at for it, but I think it's important and part of being a responsible dog owner to be respectful of other people's feelings, especially when it involves children. If my friend had a daughter who was terrified of my dog, I would never even think of not kenneling her while they were over. It's not up to you to train their daughter to not be afraid of your dog, it's up to you to train your dog.

And honestly, my dog LOVES her kennel. She won't sleep anywhere else, even if she starts off sleeping on our bed, in the morning when I wake up, she's in her kennel with the door wide open. I never viewed it as a punishment, and I think that she picked up on that.

-- Edited by beachgirl at 15:38, 2006-03-27

blink · Coach

I almost always crate my dogs while having company, I feel like it is the polite thing to do, personally. The dogs only come out if the company are dog lovers or if the stay is longer than a few hours and I let the dogs go run outside for a while.

Actually, I have found that if I crate the dogs from the beginning of the stay, they are more calm about the strangers in the house when I let them out later.

And I don't know how you are crate training your dog, but part of my training said that it is important to teach them to be crated while you are in the house. And since yours is a barker, maybe leave her crated in your bedroom where the little girl won't be going. Your dog will be fine, trust me, just give her some million dollar treats or a frozen peanut butter filled Kong to work on. Crate training has worked great for me, rather than a big open room, dogs regard it as kind of a safe cavern, the small space can make them feel secure.

idog.com has great advice about crate training. also, The Dog Whisperer by Paul Owens (not the guy from the Oprah show) is a great book.

halleybird · Hermes

one of my dogs gets like that. He's really afraid of people, so he howls and barks when they come over. The trainer recommended a couple of things to me, including giving him a "high value" treat in another room/the backyard/his crate (the latter only if he's comfortable with it).

Also, I don't know if Ness barks a lot when people come over, or just initially, or what the reason is, but my trainer also suggested not giving ANY comforting remarks or positive praise to Sully when he's barking or howling. Again, I don't know if this fits your situation or not, but for what it's worth, that's what she says.

Why is the girl so afraid of dogs? 5 years old seems a little old for the shrieking-when-scared thing. My niece and nephew (1 and 3) are really apprehensive around my dogs (they have a miniature yorkie, so mine are huge to them) but they don't scream or cry. Was the girl bitten or something?

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

I see both sides of this. My dog is part of the family, so crating her would not be an option. I would talk to your friend about it. Tell her you understand the fear and think this is a great opprotunity to work through it with a gentle dog. I realize that many people who have kids may not agree with this but her request to me is the equivalent of inviting my friend over and asking her not to bring her daughter because your dog really gets worked up. Both sound ridiculous to me.

I on the other hand think that crate training is done for this purpose. When I have people who are uncomfortable around Deuca she can go outside, yeah she cries a little at first but she is not the boss of the house. I usually give a really good treat (knuckle bone or a special toy for the occasion) and does fine. I think that dogs should feel like a crate is a safe place not used for punishment, but She is not really being punished. She may feel like it at first and you may see her point of view, but all and all she is not bieng punished, simply put in her crate. I have not always felt this way but my current dog has changed my opinion a little. Pit Bulls especially like to test the limits (all dogs to some extent) and I have really had to establish myself as alpha dog. So if she has to go outside (or in a crate in your situation) that is that.

Only you know your dog and what she can handle. If you truely believe that she cannot handle the crate, and it is not just her not liking it, when company is around, and it would set her back, then dont do it.

I think the best option is asking your friend to be understanding and to work with you on a compromise. Tell her you would love to see her more and if you can help the daughter with her fears everyone wins. sorry this is so long I just wanted to give both view points.

luckylily · Gucci

I can also see both sides of this.

We have three cats and a dog. We view them as our kids, an important part of our family. If people aren't comfortable around them, they don't need to come over. My parents have been to my house a total of one time in the last five years because my Mom doesn't like cats. I'm not offended by that, I get it. However, I'm not going to make my pets suffer because she doesn't like them.

On the other hand, my little scaredy dog gets really nervous around strangers. So, if I want to have someone over, I have no problem putting him in the bedroom for a couple hours. He sometimes makes a little noise at first, but he gets over it an settles down for a few minutes.

There are a ton of training opportunities here...keeping Ness on a leash and rewarding her for being quiet when guests are over, rewarding her for being quietly in her crate/room when guests are over. However, the girl screaming is working against you.

You could train Ness to be quiet when guests arrive and to spend time alone in her crate when you are home. You can't do this with the screaming girl tho. I guess I'd starting working on those things at home w/ your dh/bf, then other guests, then maybe work up to the screaming kid.

Metric · Gucci

Actually, Ness is absolutley fine around people, its just the screaming little girl that winds her up. We have guests over all the time and she's excited when they come in but she's very well behaved when visiting. She usually lays quietly and plays with a chewie.

Its just that when we put her in the pen when we are home and lock it (the pen is open all the time for her to go in, except when we go out) and she can hear people in the house, she gets really distressed and barks and cries. And I am not comfotable locking her away, as she is a part of our family also. Plus is it really fair to keep the dog out in the yard or in another room or whatever for a matter of hours? I would never ask a friend to lock her kids in their rooms while I visit and they are alot worse behaved than my dog.

Its a difficult situation. I haven't decided what to do about it.

RyanJ · Coach

Metric wrote:

I would never ask a friend to lock her kids in their rooms while I visit and they are alot worse behaved than my dog.

I would love to ask people to lock their kids in a room when I come over. God that would be so awesome. If only I was that ballsy.