STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

alb · Marc Jacobs

Another MIL rant

Bastet · Kate Spade

"Your own insecurity is not a good reason to be petty towards me" comes to mind. But, I suspect that's probably not the best thing to say to a MIL.

I don't have a specific comeback, but I think you should definitely try to convey to the MIL how effortless it is for you to look fabulous, because that might really gall her without you being overtly mean to her. Something to the extent of, "oh, I just threw this outfit together in 5 mins." (Even if you are wearing a dressy outfit!)

Metric · Gucci

My bf's step-mother (or my stepmil, if you wish) says things like that to me. However she is the reigning queen of pleated pants and oversize denim shirts. She always has a comment about what I wear, even asking me if something I am wearing is instyle. I tend to counter by saying things like "I take pride in looking my best", "I don't think I'm dressed up but thanks for noticing".

However sometimes it backfires b/c she now thinks all I do and all I am interested in is shopping.

alb · Marc Jacobs

Thanks, girls! Bastet--I would love to say that some day! But it will never happen I'm afraid.

Metric--I agree with you about it backfiring. This has already happened and she does think I'm obsessed w/ shopping. It's a little bit true, but unlike her I have more than one interest! Anyway, I think something like that first comment is what she WANTS to hear. I think she wants me to feel and look stupid for trying to look decent/fashionable b/c it makes her feel insecure.

Anyway, I love this suggested comment and think I will use it this weekend when we go there for the funeral and when she tells me I'm too dressed up in my dress or whatever (and I will use a pretty sarcastic tone):

"I don't think I'm dressed up (for a funeral or whatever) but THANKS for noticing". The irony about it is that it's obvious to everyone that hears it that it is never intended as a compiment, but shows more what she's thinking, which is "oh great, now I have to put on makeup and look presentable, damnit!". As such, if I respond like I think it's a compliment it would really bug her--yippee!!!

Love it!

Keep the suggestions coming please!

ILoveChoo · Hermes

is there a way to twist it into a total compliment? something like "this was just the first thing I grabbed, thanks for letting me know that it looks good" or "oh really? I was worried that I wasn't dressed nicely enough at all!"

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 10:18, 2006-03-24

alb · Marc Jacobs

ILoveChoo wrote:

"oh really? I was worried that I wasn't dressed nicely enough at all!"

This one might work, too. Thanks!

ILoveChoo · Hermes

alb wrote:

ILoveChoo wrote: "oh really? I was worried that I wasn't dressed nicely enough at all!" This one might work, too. Thanks!

I like that one too, cause it also kind of insinuates that she's not dressed nice enough!

blink · Coach

ignore it is my best advice, shrug it off. or just be surprised she is even commenting about it, like "really? if you say so..." She sounds rude, like she doesn't like that you are both younger than her, know how to dress and look good. does she want you to dress in thrift store rags and ill fitting attire? you can't help it if you look cute (or dressed up) in your sweats!

Sorry to hijack, but my MIL problem is kind of opposite of frumpy. she dresses up competitively all the time and it bugs me to death. she even dressed up with full on makeup and hair and open heels to the hospital room when my son was born, I was like..."do you have a luncheon afterwards???" In the warm months, she dresses really skimpy, even more so than I do, she doesn't have my D cup problem...so I guess she can wear those little spagetti tops without a lot of support, and she does look younger than her age, but isn't there something weird about your 55 yr old MIL showing serious cleavage at your son's 1st birthday party?? Yeah. There is. AND, she wears low rise pants and when she bends over to pick him up...yep, 55 yr old crackage. Shouldn't there be an age cut off for that? I can't say anything to her about it, that would be way inappropriate, but I encourage my husband to say..."hey mom..."

alb · Marc Jacobs

Thanks Lorelei, I appreciate the insight. I am glad I will be armed with some comebacks for next time! Wow, your situation sounds equally annoying. it sounds like she is just that way though, and dresses like that all the time so maybe she isn't competing with you per se (although I would probably perceive it that way too). I think in both our MIL's situations, they are the ones that end up looking bad (esp. your MIL!). Any 55 y/o woman that dresses like she's 20 looks pathetic IMO. What an idiot! I can't believe she got all decked out for the birth of your son. That's actually distasteful and borderline rude. Uggh.

NCshopper · Hermes

Act as though she's complimenting you. An enthusiastic "Oh, thanks!!!" will probably stop her. The reason? She's not meaning to compliment you and if you react as if it's a compliment, then she'll stop. By making excuses or saying "I'm not dressed up" then she knows she's getting under your skin and making you uncomfortable, which is exactly what she wants. By just saying "Oh, thanks!" and then quickly changing the subject, you're not engaging in her pettiness.

The only thing that worries me though is if she stops commenting on how dressed up you are, then I wonder what other snide little remarks she'll come up with.

I'm sorry you have such a pain in the ass MIL to deal with. She sounds like a piece of work.

-- Edited by NCshopper at 18:50, 2006-03-24

blink · Coach

alb wrote:

Thanks Lorelei, I appreciate the insight. I am glad I will be armed with some comebacks for next time! Wow, your situation sounds equally annoying. it sounds like she is just that way though, and dresses like that all the time so maybe she isn't competing with you per se (although I would probably perceive it that way too). I think in both our MIL's situations, they are the ones that end up looking bad (esp. your MIL!). Any 55 y/o woman that dresses like she's 20 looks pathetic IMO. What an idiot! I can't believe she got all decked out for the birth of your son. That's actually distasteful and borderline rude. Uggh.

I chose the word competitive because she has actually described herself this way, due to being the youngest child in a large family. I didn't mean that she is competitive with me personally, I meant she is competitive with everyone (women) all the time.

tara t · Marc Jacobs

lorelei wrote:

Sorry to hijack, but my MIL problem is kind of opposite of frumpy. she dresses up competitively all the time and it bugs me to death. she even dressed up with full on makeup and hair and open heels to the hospital room when my son was born, I was like..."do you have a luncheon afterwards???" In the warm months, she dresses really skimpy, even more so than I do, she doesn't have my D cup problem...so I guess she can wear those little spagetti tops without a lot of support, and she does look younger than her age, but isn't there something weird about your 55 yr old MIL showing serious cleavage at your son's 1st birthday party?? Yeah. There is. AND, she wears low rise pants and when she bends over to pick him up...yep, 55 yr old crackage. Shouldn't there be an age cut off for that? I can't say anything to her about it, that would be way inappropriate, but I encourage my husband to say..."hey mom..."

this is going to be the rest of my life... buttheads mom to a tee... except she's 60...

any way alb, i really think the comment of

ILoveChoo wrote: "oh really? I was worried that I wasn't dressed nicely enough at all!" This one might work, too. Thanks!

would be perfect. it's nice, but if you think about it, may have some snarkiness in it. i love it.

blubirde · Chanel

How about, "Have you ever seen that TLC show, 'What Not to Wear'?" Teehee. That's probably not the best though.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

Hmm, maybe you need to call What Not to Wear and get her on the show! That description of her appearance made me laugh out loud.

I like the idea of just responding with "thanks!" and you can even throw in a cheery smile for good measure. Or even, "[husband's name] got this for me." She sounds like she enjoys being a bitch to everyone, and nothing will frustrate her more to see her comments roll right off your back. She has to be threatened by your appearance if she's making these remarks, so in a way, you can take them as a compliment.

Not to hijack your post, but here's my parallel: I dated someone once whose mom was uber fashionable -- she wore couture, the whole nine. I felt like a bag lady next to her, and my ex would even tell me I needed to dress up more before we saw her. He would get nervous about even wearing jeans in her presence. I did start dressing up more, and once she took my purse right off my lap and looked it over and opened it, I think to see who was the designer. This was the same night she told me it wasn't time for him to get married yet. So turns out I was with a total mama's boy, but that's a different story.

alb · Marc Jacobs

Blubirde and scarlett--thanks for your responses. I love the What Not to Wear reference! I gave a quasi-update in the other thread. Scarlett--Please take my advice about your mama's boy ex and RUN as fast and as far away from him and his mother as you can!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

LOL Alb, not to worry, I haven't spoken to my mama's boy ex in over two years.