STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

I'm awful

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

I don't think you're awful and I don't feel like you *need* to invite them. I don't think you should feel bad. If it comes up later on why you didn't invite him you could say you didn't know your friends were taking you out - it was a surprise; OR you could say that you didn't think he'd want to come since you saw him the night before.

I have three siblings and we're all pretty close. I don't think any of them feel left out if/when I do things without them that may or may not involve mutual friends.

So in short...don't feel guilty. It's your birthday and you should party up!

tara t · Marc Jacobs

nope. it's your birthday. your day. but i'm kind of a meanie someitmes.

laken1 · Hermes

tara t wrote:

nope. it's your birthday. your day. but i'm kind of a meanie someitmes.

Ditto. It's not about him, it's about you. You can do whatever you want on your day. Don't feel guilty or immature or selfish - sounds like you are within your right to not invite him.

Hermione · Kate Spade

i wouldn't invite him either - he's going to be at the family dinner, right?

if for some strange reason he asks about the dinner party or why he's not invited, just tell him it's a small thing and that you'll be seeing him the night before anyway.

Mandy · Kate Spade

don't feel bad at all. i think its totally normal to have a friends night and a family night for your birthday.

asf · Kate Spade

can you tell him about it and let him know he's not invited (nicely), or do you have to pretend the whole event doesn't exist and risk him finding out and being pissed.

if i recall correctly, you and your brother are pretty close - so he should understand you wanting "your" night, right? or will he totally play the victim and be all "waaah metric doesn't love me what a bitch" - i know his gf is an ass (yes?) so maybe he is a bit too, i don't know.

i guess the easiest think to do would be to say your friend is going to be there and you don't want any drama on your bday...

Metric · Gucci

asf wrote:

or will he totally play the victim and be all "waaah metric doesn't love me what a bitch" - i know his gf is an ass (yes?) so maybe he is a bit too, i don't know. i guess the easiest think to do would be to say your friend is going to be there and you don't want any drama on your bday...

oh it will totally be "poor Nixon, Metric is a bitch" drama. I don't want to bring it up even b/c I have a feeling he might just assume he's invited and show up. The gf is going on vacay for that weekend so I am concerned that he won't have anything else to distract him. So I will have to nicely let him know that he isn't invited in order to spare myself the drama happening that night.

So get this...after cheating on and dumping J, he doesn't understand why she doesn't want to be friends with him. They only dated a few months but still...He won't get why that would be an issue to why he shouldn't come.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

nope I say leave him out, don't tell him anything, and don't feel guilty. My ex was an attention whore and I hated it when I would bring him with me to my events/parties. He always had to be the center of attention even if it meant embarassing me. I also have a friend who latches on to my friends and she also seems to get really close to them (closer than I) and it bugs me. Luckily we live in different states so I don't have to worry about that now. It just bugs me because the way she makes friends with them and latches on and then uses them for favors down the line.

sage · Dooney & Bourke

Mandy wrote:

don't feel bad at all. i think its totally normal to have a friends night and a family night for your birthday.

Exactly.

NCshopper · Hermes

Don't feel bad about it. A) it's your birthday. B) He's your brother--he doesn't have to be your best friend. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I know you feel bad, but don't beat yourself up over it. You'll see him the night before, so that's plenty.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I agree, you don't have to invite him. It's your birthday and you can celebrate with just your friends on one night if you want to! It sounds like you'd have more fun this way.

Just curious: how would he find out about this dinner unless it was from you?

kittenheels · Coach

I think the way to go is separate events so both friends and family get to celebrate. After all, you are the birthday girl!

blubirde · Chanel

Screw it. Let him get mad at you. He's your brother. He'll have to forgive you eventually, right? (Okay, you might not want to listen to me because I wouldn't think of inviting my brother to any of my friend events. Or any of my family for that matter.)

Maat · Kenneth Cole

All your reasons for not wanting him there make sense. I wouldn't invite him and I wouldn't bring it up. Does he usually hang out with you on the weekend? If not, I would just act like it is any other night of going out with my friends if he brings it up.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

You're not an awful sister, he's maybe not the best brother and you put up with him anyway. That takes grace and fortitude. So, as we already knew, you're someone with grace and patience who deserve to celebrate her special day any way you want. Enjoy your birthday. He doesn't have to be with you for every possible event. You're being totally reasonable. And Happy Birthday Sweetie!!!!!

relrel · Marc Jacobs

laken1 wrote:

tara t wrote: nope. it's your birthday. your day. but i'm kind of a meanie someitmes. Ditto. It's not about him, it's about you. You can do whatever you want on your day. Don't feel guilty or immature or selfish - sounds like you are within your right to not invite him.

i agree completely with this. metric, it's your day, do what the hell you want. my younger sister actualy went through a similar situation late last year. she had not been getting along with the youngest sister and the morning before her baby shower the two of them had a huge fight. it was a really bad fight and the pregnant sister did not want the youngest at the shower. i told her that it was her shower and to hell what anyone thought. look, you obviously don't want your brother around your friends, that's fine.

course...im a meanie too. i don't particularly think that just because someone is related to you by blood (no matter how close the tie is) it doesn't mean that you actually have to like them or want to spend time with them. you might have an obligation to lend them a kidney or some other vital organ but that's about where i draw the line.

so...have a kickass birthday party and see the obilgatory family on another day.

alb · Marc Jacobs

Wow, it sounds like you have a ton of really good reasons NOT to invite him. I wouldn't invite him and wouldn't feel bad about it all. I think in your situation it would be good to set boundaries with him--if he's going to act like that, then you aren't going to hang out with him as much. maybe he'll get the hint and tone down his ways. Seriously though, it's YOUR birthday and YOUR friends, so do what you want. This may be the one day in your life where you can control who you choose to be around. Plus, you are celebrating with him the night before. I wouldn't even think twice about it. If he's going to pull shit like that, he should have to suffer the consequences or he'll just keep doing it. You can always hang out with him one on one if you like, but if I had a brother or sister like that I'd stop bringing him/her around my friends. Period. He needs to find his own friends and quit stealing yours (and causing drama during the process)! Sorry, but I've had friend whores in my life and I just cut them off eventually b/c they usually are pretty selfish and manipulative people who aren't worth hanging out with (and losing friends over). So not cool.