STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

HeatherLynn · Gucci

RE: men on st

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

i'm so torn on this issue. i admit that my first impulse is always uncomfortable-ness when it comes to guys on the site. like, what are you doing here? i got to thinking about it right after kb8's post in dating and relationships. the first thing i wanted to know was how did you find us? but then when i really read the post, to me it just seemed like such a common issue that almost every relationship i've ever known has gone through. as for whether he was seeking validation, i'm sure to a certain extent he was but arent we all guilty of that? we all want validation of our opinions, imo it's kind of a waste of time but it's a pretty human reaction, not necessarily a male/female thing.

but anyway, to get back to the larger topic at hand, i think it all factors into our own personal vision of this site. like i'd *love* to be inspired regarding fashion, that was my primary reason for joining fashionhag and migrating to stylethread was just a natural extension of that. and come to think of it, at least half of the people i find most inspiring with regard to fashion are men (marc jacobs, oscar de la renta, karl lagerfeld, just to name a few). how fabulous would it be if the next marc jacobs was on this site, giving input? and in a way, i guess my knee jerk uncomfortable reaction is hampering that. like what if the next marc jacobs reads this site but doesn't want to post for fear of getting flamed?

with regard to keeping this site small and private, it's a nice thought but largely impossible. besides at one point we were all strangers to each other so why punish the newbies? and besides, i for one think it would be amazing for everyone to know how fabulous we are

about posting personal topics/information, i wonder if there could be a feature on the site that let that occur? like a special club or something? but then that could be seen as elitist, oh great here we go again...

halleybird · Hermes

esquiress wrote:

i wonder if there could be a feature on the site that let that occur? like a special club or something? but then that could be seen as elitist, oh great here we go again...

I think that was tossed around a while back when we were discussing membership. Some sites have a private forum devoted to paying members only. That would be sort of nice, especially for posting more personal stuff.

It would also be nice to restrict forum readership only to those who post. I've seen forums that will cancel your registration if you don't post at least 5x per year, etc. That might cut down on the lurking. But I would hate to make more work for detroit, and I am sure that would be a lot of work.

And honestly, it's not the guys who post that creep me out -- it's the guys (and girls) who DON'T post. We have what, 700 members who can read our profiles? And only what, 200 or so are regular posters, if that? But such is the nature of the Internet.

Hermes

halleybird wrote:

It would also be nice to restrict forum readership only to those who post. I've seen forums that will cancel your registration if you don't post at least 5x per year, etc. That might cut down on the lurking. But I would hate to make more work for detroit, and I am sure that would be a lot of work. And honestly, it's not the guys who post that creep me out -- it's the guys (and girls) who DON'T post. We have what, 700 members who can read our profiles? And only what, 200 or so are regular posters, if that? But such is the nature of the Internet.

I would hate for you to make more work for detroit, too! I did go in a take a peek at how I could possibly hone it down, but if you sort by "member since," there are people who were some of the first members, I remember them from way back, they have like 15 posts, but they logged in today... so I don't want to clean house because it would inadvertantly get rid of members I don't want to delete. In a nutshell, I'm not sure cleaning house will accomplish anything... and yes, this is the nature of the internet.

In the spare time that I have between my 60 hr/wk job and running ST, I'll look into a private chat or forum for paying subscribers.... so please be patient with me

-- Edited by detroit at 19:58, 2006-03-07

luckylily · Gucci

IMO, it is the nature of the internet and you have to realize that anything you put out there can be read by anyone. I haven't found that men on the site make me all that uncomfortable, most of them don't stick around very long. If someone wanted to stalk any one of us, there are probably much easier ways to use the internet to do so than to utilize this site. I will say that I do wish men interested in the forum would participate in the fashion/style forums before diving into other areas. I think it is strange for anyone, man or woman, to put their first post in the relationship area.

I don't really like the idea of limiting a certain part of the site. In my experience it creates an exclusive environment which discourages new people from posting. It can also create a feeling of exclusion among people who are less than daily posters. For example, I post pretty frequently now, but when I first joined FH I probably only posted once or twice a week. Even now, I sometimes go days without posting even if I do make time to read. Personally, it would hurt my feelings a little if there was an invite-only area and I was somehow overlooked.

Often in forums such as this long time members will "outgrow" the forum, or life will just take over, and they will stop posting or post less. Forums need new, enthusiastic members in order to keep them lively and interesting. I just think that limitations and excessive guidelines can discourage newbies.

Overall, I think that the number of weirdo posts on ST is extremely low. Detroit does an amazing job of monitoring the forums and keeping everyone happy. Our new members bring enough great stuff to the forum that I think keeping the forums open and welcoming is worth the slight risk that we might get an occasional weirdo.

-- Edited by luckylily at 20:32, 2006-03-07

Ally S · Kate Spade

I'm with this, if you have something to contribute then do so. Afterall the forum is about fashion and shopping and friendship and I have a few male friends both gay and straight who are into this too.

So why the sudden upset here? I have been offline for much of two days travelling in-state for conferences and seemed to have missed something!

Maat wrote:

I don't mind if a guy posts as long as it fits in with the purpose of Stylethread. If there is some super-stylish guy that wants to post about clothes (guy clothes) and see what girls think and offer a male perspective on things, I wouldn't be disturbed. However, it seems like everytime a guy posts here, it is kind of shady and creepy. I look at it on a case-by-case basis.

honey · Gucci

i'm not anti-men on the forum. i got involved in internet posting b/c i thought it was a good way to swap style ideas. sure we've had some crazies, but there are a lot of newer members that have added a fresh perspective, which i'm all for. i want this site to grow as much as possible for noble and not so noble reasons (it'd be awesome if i could parlay writing articles into styling on a larger level, but that's just me.) if it's just the same people posting the same things all the time it can get boring.

luckylily has a good point. this is the internet, as much as we are *friends* it's important to remember that it's not private. if you're posting about sensitive stuff you should be careful to make sure that nothing can be traced back to you (which is a rule i follow).

halleybird · Hermes

detroit wrote:

I would hate for you to make more work for detroit, too! I did go in a take a peek at how I could possibly hone it down, but if you sort by "member since," there are people who were some of the first members, I remember them from way back, they have like 15 posts, but they logged in today... so I don't want to clean house because it would inadvertantly get rid of members I don't want to delete. In a nutshell, I'm not sure cleaning house will accomplish anything... and yes, this is the nature of the internet. In the spare time that I have between my 60 hr/wk job and running ST, I'll look into a private chat or forum for paying subscribers.... so please be patient with me -- Edited by detroit at 19:58, 2006-03-07

Whatever you decide to do or have time to do is fine with me! As luckylily said, you do a great job moderating, and I don't think we've had any super creepy posters.

Marg · Kenneth Cole

For some of the same reasons as the rest of you, it troubles me a bit too.

Especially that there are alot of pictures being posted, and some of you girls are quite young. For that reason I discourage my girls from posting pictures on the internet. Hubby works law enforcement and internet creepy guys are everywhere.

I like this forum being a safe place of fun for girls only!

blubirde · Chanel

I'm of two minds about it. My first thought is, eh, who cares? If you don't want creepy guys looking at pics of you, don't post them on the internet. Frankly, there are as many creepy girls out there as there are men. And I suspect the creepy girls are much more likely to be a problem on a site like this than the men.

All that said, I love the world we've all created here on ST and I don't want people to stop posting pics, personal stories, etc. I think it's just a risk/benefit situation. Is it worth the risk to get a great benefit? At this point, I say yes. If the forum starts getting a really high creepy guy/girl factor, I'd say no.

And I think detroit does a fabulous job moderating this forum (she's probably the best moderator I've ever seen on a public forum), so I have faith that if there is a problem, she'll be more than capable of helping us out with it.

Cricket · Gucci

My take on it: Sure, there have been a few men posting. Some annoying, some not, but we have NO IDEA how many unregistered male lurkers there are out there (guests). Could be hundreds of unregistered "drop-ins that are male, or for all we know, there are guys on here that we think are girls! There's no way to control the sex of the viewers, so I'm not going to worry about it.