STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Cricket · Gucci

Bride and groom requesting gift cards???

erin · Chanel

man that seems like tack city!

i agree with this:

Return my freaking gift if you don't want it.

Hermes

ok, I'm being serious here. #1 - that's an extremely tacky request. #2 - your husband's relationship now primarily consists of sharing jokes with this guy, right?

this gift both covers the tacky and the joke arenas. I think it's perfect for them.

who would have ever thought I could find so many occasions to use this nascar crock pot...

Cricket · Gucci

OMG, I SO want to give this to them! It's perfect!

Christine · Coach

Wow, I agree that that's really tacky. I like detroit's idea for a great gift!!

NCshopper · Hermes

That's just essentially straight out asking for money, which I see as being incredibly tacky. I understand that if they're older, they probably don't need the "traditional" wedding gifts like dishes, cookware, etc., but I would think that instead of asking for money, it would be cool to register for more non-traditional wedding gifts. Or if there's really nothing to ask for, then I'd ask guests to make a donation to a charity.

I say send them the Nascar Stock Pot.

valenciana · Dooney & Bourke

totally tacky. 1 - asking for money is tacky. period. 2 - asking for anything on the actual invitation is also incredibly tacky. 3 - there are so many stores that have registries these days, you don't have to register for china or coffeemakers, you can register for new furniture and then leave it up to your guests to give you that or just money (which most will probably choose anyway in that situation - money that is). if i get a wedding invitation with registry info on it, i'm almost always tempted to disregard the registries and just buy something on my own (with gift receipt of course, i'm not that mean). but it just irks me. so anyway, in this case, a Visa gift card is probably the last thing I would give these people, even if that was my traditional wedding gift to all weddings i was invited to. i just can't indulge people in their feelings of entitlement. yes, i recently got married and yes, we are incredibly, incredibly grateful for all the wonderful gifts (both items and money) that we received for our wedding. but there were some people who did not give us gifts at all - and that is okay. alright, [/rant].

to the point...do they own a home? i would suggest a Home Depot GC or something like that.

shopgirl82 · Chanel

at least sign up for a honeymoon fund registry thing (like someone that we know did). money is just plain tacky. if they don't NEED anything, donate that money to charity.

send them the crockpot, with a five dollar visa gift card in it.

Cortney1982 · Chanel

Ack, I would not give them anything but that crockpot! Nothing is more annoying than somebody you hardly know anymore asking for money!

Cricket · Gucci

I've decided they're not getting anything except a greeting card. They live too far away to go to the wedding (not that we would anyway). The whole concept of preferring gift cards is fine with me, and the honeymoon fund sounds okay if its not on the invite, and just passed around word of mouth (IF ASKED!!!). Who prints that on the invite? Idiots, I guess. I don't what his family is like... maybe they find it perfectly acceptable, but I know DH's friends from college, and I guarantee they were all offended when they got the invite! I hope they get squat!

alb · Marc Jacobs

shopgirl82 wrote:

send them the crockpot, with a five dollar visa gift card in it.

I like this idea! Seriously, I agree with everyone else--this is the tackiest thing I have ever heard! It is exressly asking for money. I would be so bothered that I wouldn't send anything OR go to the wedding, but that's just me. If we did go to the wedding, I would not get them the visa card that they so brazenly requested. Maybe if other guests didn't "give in" and give them what they asked for, they would get the hint that they're being greedy.

poptart · Coach

Wow! People.

Serious suggestion: make a gift to charity in their name.

blubirde · Chanel

I think it's okay to want Visa gift cards, just not to print it on the invitation. Of course, I don't think any gift references, registries, etc. should be listed on the invitation. If you're interested, ask someone and they can tell you the couple wants gift cards or whatever. Or have it up on a wedding website, like theknot.com does.

I think couples should send out "Save the Date" cards with very basic info. on it and a website where people can go and get wedding information if they want it. Addresses, hotels, locations, reception info., gift info., etc. That's my opinion, anyway.

And to answer your question, yes, tacky. A greeting card sounds perfect. Good luck on getting married. Hope you got all the money you wanted. bleh!!

Drew · Gucci

I don't think the registry should be listed on invites, but I don't see anything wrong with asking for what you want. Perhaps they aren't ready to buy items for a house due to an impending move, who knows the reason; I just don't think we need to be offended because *gasp* someone wants money.

I went to a wedding, where, when asked, we were told the couple is registered with the US Mint. They wanted the money for a down payment on a house and to help pay for the wedding itself.

I don't know why people would be all in a huff and get back at them by not giving what they asked. Seems kind of petty to me, but I'm not into weddings and stuff, so whatever.

Hermes

Drew wrote:

I don't think the registry should be listed on invites, but I don't see anything wrong with asking for what you want. Perhaps they aren't ready to buy items for a house due to an impending move, who knows the reason; I just don't think we need to be offended because *gasp* someone wants money. I went to a wedding, where, when asked, we were told the couple is registered with the US Mint. They wanted the money for a down payment on a house and to help pay for the wedding itself. I don't know why people would be all in a huff and get back at them by not giving what they asked. Seems kind of petty to me, but I'm not into weddings and stuff, so whatever.

I don't think anyone's in a huff, it's just shocking that they are practicing such poor etiquette. Everyone just seems to be so greedy and holding their hand out so much these days. A gift shouldn't be asked for, guided, or expected - it should be a gift of the giver's giving, IMO.

I think Cricket's doing the right thing by only sending a card - that's what I would do too (although the crock pot would be fun.)

Billie Sue · Nine West

i think also crockpot is good

shopgirl82 · Chanel

Drew wrote:

I don't think the registry should be listed on invites, but I don't see anything wrong with asking for what you want. Perhaps they aren't ready to buy items for a house due to an impending move, who knows the reason; I just don't think we need to be offended because *gasp* someone wants money. I went to a wedding, where, when asked, we were told the couple is registered with the US Mint. They wanted the money for a down payment on a house and to help pay for the wedding itself. I don't know why people would be all in a huff and get back at them by not giving what they asked. Seems kind of petty to me, but I'm not into weddings and stuff, so whatever.

i've definitely voiced my opinions on this subject before. but i just think it's SOOOOO tacky to ask for money. there are registries for honeymoons (that's my favorite gift to give). i just feel like i've been to so many weddings, where people have abused registries. the reason registries were set up is that a lot of couples moved out of their parents house to live with each other and they had nothing. now, myself including, many live with their SO before getting married and have a majority of their household items. if you don't need anything, at least take the time to set up a honeymoon fund, or something, so you know what you're giving them.

i'm right there with you drew. i'm not really a wedding person, so my SO are just picking two charities, when we decide to tie the knot.

Drew · Gucci

Let me ask you all this: If you really need money (for whatever reason) and that is what you want, how on earth can you get that message across without stating it? I mean isn't that what registeries are anyway? A giant, "I Want" list?

I just don't get why money is so wrong, but asking for gifts is better. I guess it's just my frame of reference. I feel like people (at least me) would rather have nothing than something I don't want. While the thought is always nice it can be a pain to try to find a use for something you don't like, and can be equally a pain to return something (esp. if you only get credit at a store you don't shop at). Maybe I'm just practical and don't put a lot into what I consider to be fake etiquette.

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

I think some of the rational behind not asking for money is that if someone wants to give a gift, but can't afford to spend much, a hand-made gift or an heirloom is a gift that is hard to put a 'price' on. That is, giving someone a quilt that they've made may not have cost a lot in materials, but the time put into making it makes it valuable. Now, if the couple is only asking for money, the person who doesn't have a lot of money to spend on a gift will seem 'cheap' because their gift doesn't cost a lot of money, just effort. So it places the giver in an awkward situation. Besides, technically gifts aren't required to be given to a couple. By stating on the invite that gifts are not only expected, but only certain gifts are 'allowed' the wedding becomes not a party given to honor the couple and their guests, but instead a fund-raiser.

Ultimately, I think a card (and no gift) is an entirely appropriate response. (and you're showing much more restraint than I would have. I might have been tempted to include a photocopy of a Miss Manners column where she addresses this issue in with the card -- though that would show that I didn't actually learn anything by reading MM)

Drew · Gucci

Starstuff wrote:

I think some of the rational behind not asking for money is that if someone wants to give a gift, but can't afford to spend much, a hand-made gift or an heirloom is a gift that is hard to put a 'price' on. That is, giving someone a quilt that they've made may not have cost a lot in materials, but the time put into making it makes it valuable. Now, if the couple is only asking for money, the person who doesn't have a lot of money to spend on a gift will seem 'cheap' because their gift doesn't cost a lot of money, just effort. So it places the giver in an awkward situation.

I'm really not trying to argue, I just want to debate this topic, so please noone see any anger or beligerence (sp?) in my posts.

Starstuff, I would like to counter your point by saying that the same argument could be made for a couple that had registered. A handmade anything isn't going to be on a registry and so one might have the same perception of cheapness by making something instead of giving something on a registry.

And you make a good point in saying that a gift should never be expected. But, if someone asks what do you want, and you want money, are you supposed to lie and say something else? Besides, there is no rule you have to give the people what they ask for. I'm sure it happens all the time that people get stuff not on their registry, so what's the big deal about giving money if someone wants a gift, or a gift if someones asking for money?