STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

nicoley · Coach

Your gonna kill me... lol

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! No no nono no! In that tough love way. Because you deserve much much much better than to associate with him AT ALL, even as a friend.

And be honest with yourself: do you really, REALLY think you will be able to just be friends with him? Given how attracted you were to him and how charming and charismatic you said he was? I think it will take him exactly twelve seconds to suck you in again. "Just to lay together?" Come on!

Nah.. stay far away honey...

NCshopper · Hermes

Noooooooooooooooooooo! STAY AWAY!!! This boy is bad and I'm afraid he's going to end up sucking you in and breaking your heart, which I really don't want to see.

But I am slightly relieved because I thought this was going to be about the English boy. Whew!

Anyway, I gotta run because I have food about to burn on the stove, but the point is don't do it!!! I'm not sure this is a person you can be "just friends" with.

member · Hermes

sephorablue wrote:

"Just to lay together?" Come on! Nah.. stay far away honey...

My thoughts exactly. I really don't think he's calling drunk @ 3am to have you come over and just lay w/him! Stay away from him - your gut reaction is right - he DOES NOT deserve your company.

I know you are just trying to get out there and meet new people, but he's not the answer for that. You can sooooo find a much better guy who treats you w/respect - this guy does not!

Stay strong and do not call him!

nicoley · Coach

Thanks girls! That is totally what i needed to hear.... I knew you would help me out and bring me back to reality... lol, I tend to lose sight of that sometimes and always give people the benefit of the doubt.

And I think im finally going to stop doing that!

Oh PS... The whole english boy thing... he still calls me! He wanted me to come over to england for spring break... and guess what i said.. well after i seriously considered it, I said NO.

Hermes

I'm going to give it to you straight. He doesn't want to be your friend, he wants a sex partner. do yourself a favor and never talk to him again.

you're getting sucked back into his game. run fast.

Hermes

nicoley013 wrote:

Oh PS... The whole english boy thing... he still calls me! He wanted me to come over to england for spring break... and guess what i said.. well after i seriously considered it, I said NO.

I'm so proud of you! you go girl!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Ok, you saw my v-day post, right? Because this is that type of guy and trust me, it does not feel good to give him the benefit of the doubt, and then get played. So you can do what you want, but let's just think about some things here...

1) He called you, but you have to call him if you want to hang out. That's on the list of "red flags" for everyone after Esquiress' post, right?

2) You want him to be a friend? But is that really what he's offering? Has he contacted you without asking you something similar to his request to just "lie down next to him..." yet? Has he contacted you without the possibility of some sort of hookup? Has he asked you to dinner or a bbq or a non-night-time oriented hangout with his friends? And he called you DRUNK? Really, talkign to him was better than tv or folding laundry or ANYTHING else?

3) He will help you meet people? Are you sure about that? Because in my experience the friends of guys who are just trying to sleep with me do not spend a lot of time talking to me. (If they do, I often find it's because they're trying to horn in on his game or play wingman, actually). It's become one of my BIG red flags. And as for his girl friends, I know I don't bother with the girls my guy friends are hitting on. I dont' call them names or act mean, but a lot of my friends do. So it seems like this is not likely to serve this goal at all.

4) He hasn't called you fro a month, and then he calls drunk? No. Just no. There is no way this crap is worth your time. I think it's tempting (from one who is so there) to see the warning bells and think "No, he really likes me, everyone else does, right?" But he's not everyone else. He's on an ego trip and you're food, like aliens who suck your blood or something...

5) You need a break just to relax a little, sure. But a guy who calls you just to hook up is a break? Is there anything else you could do that would be relaxing? Like a movie? Because hanging out with guys like this can get a girl an undeserved rep pretty fast, so I don't see this situation as relaxing at all. It sounds like a one-way ticket to the kind of stress you don't need in your life right now.

6) Your stylethread girls are behind you. You do not need this loser in your life. You know this, right?

7) Fwiw, please just take a damn break from studying already! Just stop and do something you actually like all by yourself. It will feel so much better than anything he has to offer.

8) You know all this, or you wouldn't have posted. And I'm glad you did, because it's pretty clear you just want to get talked out of it and believe me, after my vday, I'm happy to oblige...

9) You shoudl text him and say something like "I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page because you seem like maybe you're interested in more than friends - I dont' ask my friends to lie down with me in bed, after all - and I just wanted you to know I'm not interested in you like that, and I hope it won't make things awkward because I really like hanging out with you as friends..." Please do this. He deserves it. Someone needs to do this to one of those assholes. Please, please, please make this your just-a-litte-bit-late valentine's day present to me! Pretty please with sugar on top I'll be your BEST friend and this would be so funny you MUST!

-- Edited by Dizzy at 20:17, 2006-02-15

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I just have to beg again. Please text this boy and tell him you want to make sure he knows you're only interested in being friends. He doesn't deserve the high road. And it would make me so happy. Sooooooo happy. Plus, by shaking his confidence in his ability to snow us poor little girls, you're performing a public service, right?

bumblebee · Coach

you have to do dizzy's idea--that is fantastic. and exactly what he deserves, with the added bonus of giving you the upper hand. please please please do it! such a badass move.

Hermes

yes - ditto to dizzy and bumblebee! have the upper hand!

nicoley · Coach

OMG... Dizzy I so loved your post! I honestly want to print it out, frame it, and hang it in my apt. LoL.

It sounds like me and you are in somewhat of the same boat, Too bad we didnt go to the same school so we could hang out! And deep down I think I knew what needed to be done, but just needed to talk about it with someone and confirm my thinkings.

About the text messaging....I so so so want him to know that I totally don't like him the way he probably thinks he does (as bf material) I was actually looking at his myspace profile and his pics, and he totally is not as cute as i thought, acutally not very cute at all, really. And Id just love to pop his little EGO bubble he has in his head. But im just not sure how to go about doing it, in a super classy way that makes me look like this super mature person and make him feel really stupid and pissed off that he can't have me now :)

nicoley · Coach

Oh and i dont want to make it sound like i thought he liked me, so not quite sure how to word it, i just need to get across to him that i DONT like him and only wanted to be friends all along. He probably doesnt even remember talking to me this weekend so I dont want it to sound too weird.

bumblebee · Coach

that's exactly what dizzy's suggestion does for you--lets you look like the classy chick who can't be bothered with his cheesy late-night booty-calls and PS, never liked him anyway, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

i love it and think it is the only way to go at this point. anything else lets him know you care. and you don't (or at least that's what you're saying here).

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

nicoley013 wrote:

Oh and i dont want to make it sound like i thought he liked me, so not quite sure how to word it, i just need to get across to him that i DONT like him and only wanted to be friends all along. He probably doesnt even remember talking to me this weekend so I dont want it to sound too weird.

He remembers you. And the whole point is to make it sound like you think he likes you. Trust me. I think you should picture your friends dorky little brother who has a crush on you, but he's like, eight, and maybe mildly retarded. And write to that dorky little brother. I'll start, "Jackass, I really think you're great and I've had so much fun when we hung out. I just feel like maybe I should clear something up, after you asked me to get into your bed last night..." "Jackass, I like you so much, but really just as friends." "So, jackass, I want to make sure we can hang out wihtout any weirdness because I really think you're so much fun and I would hate to feel like you hate me or something..." Just own it. People think you are what you tell them you are. So tell him you're way too fabulous for him but you'd just DIE if you hurt his little feelings...

Or, for a final draft, just say "Hey JA, always fun talking to you, just wanted to make sure you know I'm only interested in you as a friend - when you asked me to get into your bed I wasn't sure if you wanted something more - obviously you're a really great guy and I hope we can hang out again sometime." Or whatever words you would use in a text (as a former writer, I'm way wordy).

Y'all, this has cheered me right up! Thank you nicoley - you're the best!!!!!!

-- Edited by Dizzy at 20:48, 2006-02-15

relrel · Marc Jacobs

detroit wrote:

I'm going to give it to you straight. He doesn't want to be your friend, he wants a sex partner. do yourself a favor and never talk to him again. you're getting sucked back into his game. run fast.

ditto. nicoley...don't get sucked into his games. friends actually make an effort to hang out and call. boys who call at three am do not want to be friends.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

nicoley013 wrote:

Oh and i dont want to make it sound like i thought he liked me, so not quite sure how to word it, i just need to get across to him that i DONT like him and only wanted to be friends all along. He probably doesnt even remember talking to me this weekend so I dont want it to sound too weird.

oh no! I think you NEED to make it sounds like you think he likes you! That's why it so brilliantly puts him in his place! Add me to the chorus of do it, do it, do it...

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Dizzy wrote:

Or, for a final draft, just say "Hey JA, always fun talking to you, just wanted to make sure you know I'm only interested in you as a friend - when you asked me to get into your bed I wasn't sure if you wanted something more - obviously you're a really great guy and I hope we can hang out again sometime."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Brilliant!

bumblebee · Coach

i agree! i so wish i had learned this lesson earlier in life. when you play it "cool" and act like booty-calls and stuff are no big deal and definitely don't mean he likes you, you are only playing right into his hands. that's what he wants you to think, and he wants you to be afraid to look stupid by "thinking that that means he likes you." your being "cool" means that he can keep playing you.

what's the worst that can happen if you turn that on its head? that he will think that you believe his actions mean that he likes you? where's the damage there? there is none, and it makes him feel stupid for thinking that you wouldn't read "liking" into his actions. it lets him know that he can't get away with that particular game anymore.

that said, he'll probably retaliate, because he sounds like a totally stupid a-hole and that's what totally stupid a-holes do. so when he comes back with some lame remark about how he only ever wanted to be friends with you anyway, be ready with your best pitying glance/tone and say "oh good, well i'm glad we're on the same page then." dizzy's idea of thinking of him as a lame 8-year old brother will be helpful here.

nicoley · Coach

Yay, im so glad this cheered you up dizzy! Its actually cheered me up to, i feel this wave of self confidence now. And obviously have to text him, and am going to put exactly what you said.. so excited... This one is for you dizzy and the rest of my ST girls that have ever had to deal wth stupid guys like this.

BTW, i know this is going to sound totally stupid, but for all you ST'ers that are on myspace, it would be totally awesome if you guys wrote some made up messages on my myspace.... like, who was that super hot guy you were with last night, lol, or something to that effect. He knows my myspace and he has told me he checks it all the time, so i think this will make him feel even more stupid and realize that i really dont like him!

www.myspace.com/nicoley013

And ill let you all know what happens with the texting thing.