STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

blubirde · Chanel

I'm upset...

shopgirl82 · Chanel

she probably feels guilty that she won't be able to visit, or if she likes to cook for you when you come, maybe she feels like she will have to, or bad that she can't. i know that it probably doesn't matter to you, but maybe she feels guilty.

also, maybe she thinks of it as more of something that you have to do instead of something that you want to do, which clearly is not the case. my bf's mom, is the kind of person who always feels like she has to be the one to sacrifice in order to be good mom. she doesn't understand that that isn't what HE wants, although she thinks it's what he wants. it's very frustrating.

is there anyway that you could spend the gas money and send her flowers so she knows that you're thinking about her. duh, she should already know that, but still, at least it's a gesture. i would take those two days and relax, it sounds like you could use it.

i'm sorry your mom and you are going through this.

NCshopper · Hermes

I'm sorry blubirde! That sucks! Is there any way you could call them and say "Listen. I really want to come visit. I'd love to help around the house or just sit around and visit. I don't care if you're not great company right now or whatever. I miss you, I love you, and I want to come see you." My hunch is that she thinks she's not much fun to be around or she feels like it's an imposition to you. But I don't know your mom obviously, or your relationship with her, so that may or may not be the case.

If it really seems like you just won't be going, then I like shopgirl82's advice, to spend the gas money on getting her a nice bouquet of flowers.

And I think regardless of what you end up doing, you should take the day off and relax and recouperate after your big day yesterday. I love taking a vacation day and having nothing scheduled. I feel like one of those days is in store for me quite soon!

Anyway, I hope you get to see your mom and I hope she feels better soon!

Hermione · Kate Spade

:( poor thing,, that would be tough ...

people handle illness differently though and this is just your mom's way of handling it.

i like the idea of sending flowers to let her know you're thinking about her, but you may also want to say something to your dad (between the two of you) that it hurts your feelings that your mom is being like this and maybe he can give you some insight?

ILoveChoo · Hermes

I'm sorry, I don't know what to say- that really sucks and i would be ridiculously upset too.

laken1 · Hermes

I like everybody else's advice & I just really wanted to send you {{{{hugs}}}}} i know just how you feel.

small fry · Chanel

Well hugs to you first off and more hugs. I agree send some flowers but also try and call and talk to them again. Do you think she is having some other kind of issues and she is not wanting to see you because it may be to hard on her to explain it to you. I know my Mom did that at one time something was bothering her and she covered it up and I did not find out till years later

blubirde · Chanel

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling better now. It helps to just get it out and vent.

I don't think I'll be seeing her and I guess that's okay. She probably won't be up for company this weekend and she has another doctor's appointment to remove stitches and such next week, so I guess the niece's bday party is it. But she asked me if I could bring her thank-you notes when I came tomorrow so I think I'll go to the cool paper store and get her some nice stationary/thank-you notes and mail them to her so she'll get them this weekend. I think I'll stop at the bookstore too and get her a few mags or books to occupy her. That way she knows I'm thinking about her, even if I'm not there to be with her.

I'm going to The Paper Store after work so maybe that will perk me up a bit, too. Isn't that what shopping is supposed to do?

blubirde · Chanel

kaykay wrote:

Well hugs to you first off and more hugs. I agree send some flowers but also try and call and talk to them again. Do you think she is having some other kind of issues and she is not wanting to see you because it may be to hard on her to explain it to you. I know my Mom did that at one time something was bothering her and she covered it up and I did not find out till years later

To be perfectly honest I think she would prefer it if no one visited her at all and I'm the only person she feels comfortable enough to tell to stay away. That doesn't mean it makes me feel any better or anything but whatever. I'm dealing. It's my mom and she's sometimes weird like that. (I'm saying weird in place of a word like mean or rude because I don't want to insult her when she's ill. )

Thanks!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Hey - I just saw this - sorry so late to the discussion. I really know how this one feels. Wish I had a magic way to make it hurt less. This might not totally apply, but my mom tended to snap out of crap like this pretty fast if I could force myself to just be like "Oh, yes, you're right. Well, let me know when you want me to visit..." But I don't think your mom is flat out crazy the way mine was.

So, of course it doesn't always apply, or work. And it hurts like crazy to force yourself to just accept what she says at face value (even when you know there are messages in there) and make her live with what she asks for. Plus, you don't WANT her to have what she says she wants, anyway. (fwiw, I kind of suspect she's trying to get MORE attention from you by forcing you to work to be nice to her).

So basically, that leaves me with good luck. I'm so sorry this is hurting you. Hope the stationary store was fun. And I suspect she really loves you best underneath it all - she probably pushes you away a little to protect herself.

(PS - Did you read White Oleander yet? Oh, and Sue Miller is fabulous with mother daughter issues "While I was Gone" messed me up for days bu really drove home the principle that sometimes you punish people that you want to be closer to out of lack of self-awareness...)

-- Edited by Dizzy at 22:02, 2006-02-08