STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

Embarrassing yourself

jen · Kate Spade

I embarass myself everyday. Here are three of the worst:

I pooped right before my boyfriend came over. I guess one floated back up without me knowing. When he came over, we were being playful and wrestling and we ended up in the bathroom. He looked over my shoulder and goes "Uh, you got some poop in your toilet." I turned beet red and locked myself in the bathroom. We weren't dating that long when it happened so it was horrible.
My crush in high school was also my lab partner one day. We had to measure each others heart rate when we were sitting, standing, laying,after a run, etc. I layed down for him to take my heart rate. Well, he started rubbing my shoulder and stomach and my heart rate starting going up! He starting laughing and got the whole classes attention. They were all looking and laughing as he explained what happened, again, at my bright red face.
I went on and on to my cowrokers about a crazy customer I had the day before at work one day. I got interupted by a voice saying "Uh, yeah, that was me." Yep, it was her.
Edit: Thought of another one. I started my period with out knowing it and I was only wearing pj's. I was sitting on my bf who was wearing tan shorts. Yep. I got up and he had a blood stain on his pants. That reminds me, the same thing happened on my mom's Lexus leather seat. She was pissed. See-I'm so unlucky!

-- Edited by jen at 22:02, 2006-02-01

deadlyjane · BCBG

in middle school I was wearing these huge slip on platforms and we just came in from break it was a rainy day and once my shoes hit the slippery tile floor I flew I mean getair fly! I slipped down the hall and landed on my butt. and I was screaming bloody murder the whole time. I also had on a tiny skin tight mini, so when my legs when over my head and everyone turned when I screamed so they all got a good view of my knickers. lol everyone made fun of me for along time for that one.

I also have a really bad time with my fly. I always leave it down. and it seems like some hot guy always says" not that I was looking but...."

theotherjess · Chanel

-On the day of the entrance exam for my high school I was wearing flip flops and it was raining. I totally slipped and fell on my ass in front of all these kids I didn't know and they all pointed and laughed at me like in the movies (seriously, who does that??).

-At my uncle's wedding when I was like 8, I went up to my dad and noticed that he had new shoes. I rubbed his shoes and said "Ooooh, Dad, you got new shoes!" And then I looked up and it wasn't my dad. Yeah, fun.

Sandy · Kate Spade

Last year, the day after Christmas my boyfriend and I were out and about. I was wearing my Sevens and heels that I got as presents (just the day before!!!)... my bf decided that he needed a haircut, so we went to the barber. We were walking in, and there's a step up at the entrance. I guess I misjudged the distance, because I missed the step, fell face first into the barber shop (which, oh yes, was full of boys). he contents of my purse flew everywhere, and my brand new jeans got stuck in my heel on the way down, resulting in a tear from the hem to my knee cap. Needless to say, I waited in the car until my bf's haircut was finished.

Embarrassing myself is a daily ocurance, so there are plenty more stories where that came from...

boobaby · Kate Spade

I was at a gourment food/kitchenware boutique with some friends. There were tons of free samples, so we were trying a bit of everything. My friend hands me a bowl with some wasabi chex mix in it and tells me to try some. So I'm holding the bowl, eating and commenting about how good it is, and one of the employees snatches it out of my hand and says, "Excuse me, that is mine." Turns out my socially inept friend had taken it from behind the counter. The employee had brought it from home to share with her coworkers. I seriously have no shame, but that was humiliating.

laken1 · Hermes

My most embarrassing moment ever:

My senior year of high school I was cheerleader captain & we had our first pep rally. We (uh, I) had the bright idea of having a wet tshirt contest at the pep rally & we used the football players from the different grades. Right after that I was supposed to get on the microphone & start a cheer. I got the microphone, started the cheer, and while THE WHOLE SCHOOL was looking at me, I slipped on the water on the gym floor & slid all the way down the middle of the gym. It still freaks me out to think about it. I'm such a dork.

Collette · Chanel

OMG I'm laughing my butt off right now these are hysterical. BrazenCanidian, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a Ralph Wiggims voice!

Ok Here's mine. Date #5 with my now husband he took me to Miami for the weekend to stay at his condo. Of course if your're there for a weekend things have to happen. Bodily function things. So date #5 I clog the toilet. So I come out of the bathroom red faced in shame and have to tell him that I've clogged our one and only toilet and we have no plunger and it's 1AM so no place is open to buy one. So he proceeds to make a plunger out of an emply 2 liter of soda. ( yes it actually works!) and plunges my poop. On date #5.

small fry · Chanel

When my husband and I were dating we were leaving a mexican restaurant and well lets just say those beans I had worked really fast. We were going out the door and a lady was cleaning the glass door and just as I past her I let out the biggest fart it came so quickly I could not hold it. Sorry I know its gross lets just say I did not look back I walked really fast to the truck. My husband was laughing his ass off .

Iam sure I will think of some more and will add them

-- Edited by kaykay at 01:53, 2006-02-02

Cortney1982 · Chanel

Mine was just last week at Target. It wasn't really embarrassing because I didn't let myself be. I was in the candle isle and wanted to smell one of the candles in a glass jar. I still had my leather gloves on and it just slipped! Nice glass breaking noise, and of course there was plenty of people to witness. But I didn't want to seem like some damn fool fleeing the scene, so I stayed there a moment acting like nothing happened! Then a little later by the dishes, some lady dropped and broke a piece of dinnerware, must have been something in the air!

Maddie · Coach

These are hilarious. My life is pretty much just one huge embarassing moment. I know that everyone says that, but I'm honestly just completely awkward all the time. Some recent ones...

I hooked up this boy and for various reasons it was a mistake and I didn't want to do it again and he did, thus making our relationship super awkward already. Anyway, we're kinda friends so he stopped by to hang out. We were sitting on my bed playing cards (there's no where else to sit!) and I dropped a card between the bed and the wall. He reached down to get it for me and pulled up a pair of obviously previously worn granny panties and a banana. I have no idea why the underwear were there, but I had just dropped the banana about 30 minutes earlier. Regardless, keeping a banana at your bedside looks bad.

There was this guy I thought was cute and so I was checking out his Facebook profile. If you click on the person's screen name on the Facebook it opens up an IM box. I do this to check people's profiles and away messages (I'm so creepy). So I was IMing my friend about him and she didn't know who he was, so I sent her the link to his Facebook profile. Except I accidently sent it to him. I IMed someone who has no idea who I am a link to their own Facebook profile. That's possibly the creepiest thing ever.

My friend poked my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend on the Facebook from my account. I never heard anything from either of them about it, but I lived in fear for a few days.

There's another boy I think is cute and after class we always have a cigarette together afterward. The other night he couldn't get his lit because it was windy. I offered to do it for him, and being an idiot I sheltered the flame with a hand holding a piece of paper we'd been given in class. The paper of course caught on fire. However, about a minute later he essentially slide tackled me when he slipped and fell on his ass on the ice.

There are so so so many more. I won't even get into drunken embarassing moments.

Claudia · Gucci

I can only think of one right now. It happened when I was barely getting to know some guy. (he's an ex) We went to Mexico to visit family. Well, we went to my cousin's grandma's house. It was my cousins, my now ex, his brother and a couple of other people. We were leaving her house and we had to go down some very steep stairs and I was wearing flip flops. I was the first one going down the stairs and I was like, "you guys, be careful. it's very slippery. You know, it would be really funny if one of us fell down." Next thing you know, I'm sliding down the stairs. Everyone wanted to laugh. The ex was like, you guys thats not funny.

Oh man, we laughed and laughed and laughed...

the end.

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

My first story is when I was first dating my ex. It was Christmas Eve and I was at my Grandmas talking to him on the phone. It was late and I was tired and we were kind of drifting off, I was saying goodbye and "I love you" slipped out of my mouth!! (This was before the I love you stage!!) I hung up before he could say anything!!! We talked and laughed about it later, but I know that would have sent most guys running!! I was Sooooo freaked out.

The next one isn't so bad but had me and my mom laughing our asses off at Hallmark. We were looking for a santa stuffed animal for a gift my mom was giving. I found this Garfield with a santa hat on and saw my mom out of the corner of my eye and started shaking it in her face and saying "what about this one" When I turned I realized.....it wasn't my mom. I ran away and found my mom and we couldn't stop giggling. The people in there probably thought we were on crack. I am laughing as I write this!!

shopgirl82 · Chanel

these are so funny. collette, yours reminded me of two.

my bf and i were dating for about a year (long distance, so that's really like a month in the same state, right?!) and we decided to go camping in yellowstone. well, i have serious issues that i cannot go #2 around a boy, let alone on vacation, let alone with one wall separating us. so we're at the airport coming home after a week of vactioning (no #2 at this point, good think we were only eating chex mix and stuff for most meals). well, i was super tired that morning so i decide to get a coffee and bran muffin at the airport (obviously there was a HUGE lapse in judgement on my part). well, i feel a smelly fart coming, so i walk towards an empty section by the windows and pretend i'm looking at the airplanes. i see him come over, and i FREAK OUT. i mean it smells like the WORST smell possible, rotten eggs, 7 days of food, you get the point. so i walk to him and grab him, and hug him, but he continues past me and well, you know the rest. his face is soooo disgusted, and asks me if i farted, i turn beat red, etc.. and have to admit to him that i can't do #2 in front of a guy and that the coffee and bran muffin, etc.. so the rest of the time in the airport he's trying to think about what will help me. i eventually went to the bathroom and pretended that i did, just so he would stop talking about it. now when we go on vacation, he always gets me tons of coffee and jokes about getting me a bran muffin.

then i go visit him, and by now he knows about my issues, and so i finally get up the nerve to do #2 at his place (different set up so the bathroom is far away) and the toliet clogs! i start like freaking out, then i have to sheepishly tell him that i clogged his toliet, he tells me that he'll fix it, he has a toliet snake (i have no idea why he has one), and i tell him no i'll do it, cuz i don't want him to see, and so i try, and sure enough he comes in and does it. talk about embarassing. i swear, it took me about two years to get up the nerve to do it at his place, and when i did that happens.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I have a couple good ones, but I'll tell the one about food poisoning since we don't have any throw up stories here yet.

About 8 years ago, I went to visit my college boyfriend over a break; it must have been Christmas. I'd saved up and bought a new outfit with money from my first job, and wore it on the plane to Nashville. He took me out for Indian food, which I was so excited about since my small hometown in Penn. has very limited options for restaurant and I'd never had Indian food before. After dinner, he was driving us home to his parents -- by the way, this was his very first car of his own that we were in -- and I said "I don't feel so good all of a sudden" and within a minute or two I started throwing up. I tried covering my face to keep from ruining the inside of his car, which totally backfired and it made it go all over me, my new outfit, and my seat. He opened the window for me and pulled over, but it was too late and my side of the car was a disaster. Then -- I am not making this up -- he made me get out of the car and take off all my clothes, except for my underwear, to keep my now filthy clothes from further ruining the inside of his car. At the time I was so embarrassed that I just did it, but now I think it was an inconsiderate thing for him to ask me to do. People driving by saw me taking off my clothes -- nice. When we got to his parents, he ran inside to get me a blanket, and his mom came running out to help me and I felt so stupid. Their two dogs were barking like crazy from the backyard. Then I got all showered and cleaned up, but meanwhile his dad decided to hang my clothes up in a tree in their front yard and hose them down and then leave them there overnight to dry off. They washed them for me the next day and were very nice to me about the whole thing but I felt so embarrassed.

rocky · Coach

OMG Some of these are so funny, I turned red just reading them. Here's mine:

During college, my BFF and I went down to party in Mexico. The city was right on the border, so everyone parks on the US side and walks over the border to TJ and gets cab there. Well I was wearing my new skintight snakeskin pants from westseal (I know! ). Anways we were at the club shaking our booties, and towards the end of the night, when I am in the bathroom, the bathroom attendant tells me that I have a rip in my pants. I looked in the mirror and my pants had ripped right down the seam of my butt! You could totally see my thong! I was drunk so I guess I never noticed the draft. Anyways, I grab my friend to go home, but we couldn't find a cab anywhere, and I had to WALK all the way back across the border with my ass hanging out for everyone to see. Thank god I was too drunk to be completely mortified.

relrel · Marc Jacobs

oh dear, ladies...why are there so many bathroom #2 stories? what is wrong with us? is the gene for shopping also the gene for pooping? geez, i do have my very own bathroom #2 story. on our second date, i was over at the bf's apartment for the first time. we, uh, had just consumated the relationship (yes, shush, on the second date!) and within two seconds of finishing and uh, unjoining, i felt my whole insides move south. i let a few farts loose in his bedroom because i had no choice and quickly put my clothing on and went to use the bathroom. while in there, i had the messiest yuckiest grossest #2 in my life, loud, smelly all ove the above. luckily i didn't end up clogging the toilet up but it was bad nonetheless. his rooommate who had politely locked himself in his own room while we were pleasantly engaged came out of his room to found out what that smell was. that smell was me. well, ladies three years later and we still laugh about the night i pooped in his toilet. he says its what made him fall in love with me, that i was "man" enough to do that on the second date. hah...like i had a choice!

small fry · Chanel

laughing so hard right now the poop stories are halarious

Iam so glad we ladies can share these moments with each other

Elle · Hermes

These are so. freaking. funny you guys!

No #2 stories come to mind at the moment, but I've got a couple others from long ago -

When talking to a cute boy (now fiance) about 2 weeks into 7th grade, we were discussing friends and he asked who my best friend was. Somehow I managed to say that R was my breast friend. To the boy that I liked. When I was 12. Funny now but I was mortified then!

On the first day of highschool, I had tossed my lunch into my backpack as I rushed out the door. At some point during the day, my banana fell out of my lunchbag and into the bottom of my backpack, where it was promptly mashed and began to leak through my bag onto the back pockets of my jeans. So I spent the entire day smelling like over-ripe banana .

Oh! This one's good too!

When we were on our cruise this last summer, some asshat waiter seated us with a random lady at breakfast (to make a table of four). She was a total fruitcake. Anyway, after eating I was leaning back in my chair with my elbows on the armrests and my hands clasped and resting on my stomach. So of course, she -rather loudly- blurts out "Hey! Are you pregnant?!" . Sheesh! I swear my breakfast wasn't that big ...

blubirde · Chanel

Oh man. I have one. This story includes several embarassing events to culminate in one of the most embarassing period of time evah.

So. I insist a guy I'm seeing accompany me to a happy hour of just me and him. I haven't eaten all day and don't want to spend the money on food, right? So I think the frozen grapes in the grapetinis (so yummy by the way) will suffice. I mean, they're fruit! And I had a bunch of grapetinis. Eventually we end up back at his place and, uh, events occur. I notice that I'm starting to feel sick. I'm engaging in some, eh, oral activity when the I'm-going-to-throw-up-very-shortly feeling comes over me. (Don't worry, I held it in - the puke anyway.) We finish our deed, and might I add that it was wholly unsatisfying for me. Sheesh. I should have dumped him then. I climb off of him (yes, it's graphic) and he's like, "don't fall!" I'm all, what me? Fall? Puh-leeze. So what do I do? Fall off the bed. Yep. Right after he told me not to and I assured him I was much too graceful for stuff like that. And it wasn't a graceful, sliding off the bed kind of fall. It was an oh-shit-i've-somehow-managed-to-gain-air-and-land-on-my-face kind of fall. As I'm sprawled on the floor, butt naked, literally, I notice that the throwing up is no longer a feeling but a necessity so I make it to the bathroom and proceed to make the MOST hideous noises a person can make while puking. Did I mention the bathroom was about two feet from the bed? To just affirm what I had been doing, he asked me, as I crawled out of the bathroom if that was indeed what I'd been doing. Nice, eh?

Next morning (because of course I passed out right after that). He insists on driving me to my car, even though my car is just parked right outside his building (but his car was in the garage right outside his apartment door basically). So whatever. Because he's going to drive me and I won't have to potentially pass any people, I just pull my boybeater on without a bra. Yes, ladies, one of my super-thin hanes boybeaters and no bra. And I didn't bother brushing my hair or washing my face or any of that good stuff because a) I was still a little drunk and b) hello? he was driving me to my car so no one would see me! As we're pulling out of the parking garage he says he needs breakfast tacos and there's supposed to be some people outside the building giving away free ones (some ins. co. or something). So what does he do? Pulls up right beside the taco people - on my side, mind you - and proceeds to talk to them for 10 freakin' minutes about their insurance products while he's getting his damn free tacos. And me? Ill, braless, white, thin beater on, hair looking like it hasn't been brushed in a year, and eye make-up all over my practically green face.

I've never been more embarassed. It was terrible!!! I still hate that guy...

Another embarassing story: I woke myself up one night (while the current boyfriend was sleeping next to me) with the loudest fart ever!! And it wasn't even a short one - it was a really, really long one. I just laid perfectly still hoping he wouldn't hear it but I honestly don't know how he could have avoided it considering it was so loud it WOKE ME UP!!

And, like Maddie, my life is an exercise in potentially embarassing moments. How about the time I peed myself trying to pee in a cup at the gyno's office? Yeah, had to go home and change clothes after that one. People were knocking on the door wondering what was taking me so long.

Or the time my skirt was a bit too big and hung so low on my hips at work that my thong (in the front) hung out practically the entire day but I didn't notice until late afternoon?

The time I wore a dress to a boyfriend's prom and only in pictures did I realize I looked like a stuffed sausage? No really.

How about when I broke my foot by falling off a flip-flop? Or the fall down the flight of stairs? Or fall out of the bus in high school in front of pretty much everyone I knew? The accidental mooning when I was changing costumes for a play? The constant tripping and falling I do every single day in front of everyone?

Yeah, if I cared more, I'd die of embarassment.