STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

theotherjess · Chanel

RE: Embarrassing yourself

NCshopper · Hermes

OMG these are cracking. me. up. I was reading some of these earlier today at work and I had to stop because I was going to start convulsing from holding in the laughter.

-- Edited by NCshopper at 07:39, 2006-05-19

TheLovelyLady71 · Hermes

I am SO GLAD I'm at home reading these, I have been laughing so hard I have TEARS in my eyes! LMAO!

I have a few:

It was me, my ex sister-in-law, and my Mom, Mom was getting a new car, and she and my sister-in-law were in the office signing her final paper work! OK, I'm TRYING to be cute, but HOW ON EARTH DO YOU RUN INTO A DAMN GLASS wall (office)!? I mean, I hit it so hard, that other customers came out of their glass office to see if I was ok/what the loud noise was. I played it off, but damn. EMBARRASSING!
My Mom had JUST had surgery, and the doctors gave me some paper work to look over, so cool. It was me and ex sister-in-law (again), I had my head down, reading her paper work, and BAM! My dumb butt ran into a WALL AGAIN! It was two elderly ladies sitting out front, asking me if I was OK, I told them yes. Dang. LOL
Joe and I had just started dating, and I had eaten a bowl of soup at the club/restaurant we were at. Everything was cool, we get ready to leave, I get this strange, bubbly feeling in my stomach (gas!), so we're in his NICE tricked out Mustang GT, and I let one loose. I smell it, but THOUGHT I let the window down fast enough before it got to his side. Well damn it - I didn't. He asked me "do you smell that? Smells like a dead body". Dang. In a very soft voice, I said "excuse me", and he just busted out laughing, saying "Ah naw girl, that wasn't you". Yeah. I blamed it on the soup. LOL

-- Edited by TheLovelyLady71 at 21:23, 2006-02-02

-- Edited by TheLovelyLady71 at 09:26, 2006-02-03

Liz · Kenneth Cole

These are so funny!

Here are mine:

1. It was the day of the final in poli sci and I finished my test faster than the majority of my class. I was feeling pretty pumped because I had actually studied stuff that was on the test for once and strode to the front of the room with confidence. I had a huge smile plastered on my face and my professor looked up as I approached his desk (He was totally hot by the way. Think Matthew Fox rugged hotness). He smiled back and held his hand out for my paper. This is when it gets confusing because I'm not really sure what happened. I either tripped or my foot did something weird because the next thing I know is that I'm falling. I sail right past Prof. Hottie right into the wall behind him head first. It was dead quiet and all you hear is BOOM! Everyone was giving me the most WTF looks and my professor was caught between concern and laughter. I just threw my paper on his desk and fled. When the door closed behind me, I heard this stupid guy (I never liked him anyway) go,"Whoa, that was embarrassing. Good thing the year is over."

2. In high school a friend of mine dared me to stick this stupid suction cup thing on my head when I went to go buy our Subway sandwiches. I did it, which was embarrassing enough, but then when I took it off it left a huge circular hickey on the middle of my forehead. I had to go to school like that for three days.

3. It was my first dinner cruise and I was nervous about being on open water (I have a fear of deep water which sucks because I live on an island). My date, Jerkface, thought it would be a good idea to give me a few drinks to loosen me up. So after three or four of the worst tasting mai tais ever, I had to pee. We were on the top deck and wouldn't you know it, the only bathroom is on the bottom. So I asked Jerkface if he'll be kind enough to escort me. Well his friend and his friend's date start the eye rolling and such because I was a lot younger than them and began saying snarky things like," I guess some people just can't handle their liquor. Looks like you're babysitting tonight." Jerkface, wussy girlie-man that he was, said,"Nah, you're good. I think you can do a solo trip." I was pissed off and left to go navigate the journey by myself. I was almost to the stairs when a cute guy asked me where the bathrooms were. I told Blue Eyes they were downstairs and that I was headed there myself if he wanted me to show him. He makes a gesture with his hand for me to lead on. Well, I was five stairs from the bottom, congratulating myself on the forsight to wear spanx so that Blue Eyes can watch my butt to its fullest advantage and thinking that the date isn't a total waste of time, when I looked back and flashed him what I thought was a coquettish smile. Of course that was the exact moment my heel caught on the stair and then I was sent hurtling head first down the rest of the way. I was sitting at the bottom a bit dazed and confused, when Blue Eyes came running down. He asked me," Oh my god, are you okay? 'Cuz that looked really bad." I was fine, minus the big strawberry on my knee. He looked really sweet and concerned, so I let him help me to a chair. He picked up my purse and all of its contents and retrieved the suspect shoe. When Blue Eyes saw my skinned knee he replied," Hey, you want me to get you a bandaid? I think my girlfriend has one in her purse." No thank you, Blue Eyes. Please move away from the drunk, bruised, humiliated chick who still needs to pee.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Oooh, oooh, #1 of all time. I had almost forgotten about this one! So in high school I was really awkward about period stuff... our school was tiny and everyone was nosy and I didn't know how to handle getting feminine products back and forth to the bathroom with me. Also, this was pre-tampons for me, so I was still dealing with big wadgy pads. So the solution I arrived at was to wear a pair of shorts underneath my uniform skirt, with a fresh pad safety-pinned inside the pocket of the shorts, and then that way I could just go to the bathroom when I needed without having to take anything obvious with me (I didn't carry a purse either). So anyhow one day I was sitting on the floor at lunch talking to some classmates, and at one point I got up and walked away, when I heard someone say, "What the hell is that pad doing there? How did it get there?" Of course the safety pin had come undone and I had left a little present in the middle of the floor. Mercifully, either everyone was genuinely confused or they showed taste and restraint uncommon in high school students, because I do not remember a torrent of laughter and teasing ensuing from that. I don't know how I escaped so easily.

This happened just the other day at work. I stood up to go to lunch and went to fetch my coat from behind my office door, and as I was getting it I noticed that I had been shedding all over it, so I started skimming off the hairs. While I'm standing there wedged in the space behind the door, the guy from supplies comes by to drop off some boxes I had ordered. He must have seen the edge of me standing there or he wouldn't have knocked, but he did, so I had no choice but to step out from behind the door to pick up the stuff from him. I knew it looked completely bizarre, so I just said, smilingly, "You must know I wasn't hiding behind the door just now, I was going to get my coat," relying on him to laugh. He didn't laugh, he just gave me a nervous smile and hightailed it out of there. It was a total Bridget Jones moment: "Oh god. Have revealed self to be strange ferret-like person who enjoys hiding behind doors. Now entire office thinks am mad."

There was also the time junior year when I was walking down the staircase of my dorm to join our Halloween party, feeling very pleased with myself in my elaborate Chinese opera-singer costume, when I slipped on the edge of the stair and went tumbling ass over tincups down the stairs. And of course since I banged my knee really badly I was almost crying from pain. That was wonderful.

Oh, and the first time I got drunk was pretty good too... I had crashed with my then-BF and woke up sick in the middle of the night. I went tearing down the hall to his bathroom, which he shared with five other guys, and somehow got my signals crossed and wound up SITTING ON THE TOILET AND PUKING ONTO THE FLOOR. Then of course, being still wasted, I was in no condition to clean up, so I had to slink back shame-faced the next day and clean up. The guys were really nice about it but I was soooooo humiliated.

-- Edited by sephorablue at 00:17, 2006-02-03

Hermione · Kate Spade

I'll 'fess up to one. A friend of mine got married last Thanksgiving and she said to me "Hermione, you're going to LOVE me when you see who you're walking down the aisle with." She had 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen and she was not kidding: she put me with one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen, D. He was hilarious, a gentleman, and looked damn fine in his army dress uniform.

Anyway, at the reception later, there were some fab hors d'ouvres with shrimp and dill on little wheat toast rounds. ... well they ran out fast and i grabbed the last two. yes, i grabbed two at once. anyway i was walking across the room, ate one, and dropped the other.

yes, i did it.

i looked around, and no one seemed to be watching me. i picked it up and ate it. i did.

i joined a group of friends and started talking to them... a few minutes later D comes by and slips his arm around my waist - imagine my pleasure as he pulls me in to whisper in my ear ...

"i saw what you just did."

anyway, i think this quote really applies to me:

"I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic."

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I have another one, which happened just a few months ago. I had to get an emergency appendectomy in October, and my boyfriend's parents saw much more of me than they ever expected to. D, my BF, took me to the doctor because we both thought I had food poisoning (my previous story about the Indian food incident is one example of what a sensitive stomach I have), but it turned out I had acute appendicitis and needed surgery immediately. He called his parents, who lived within 10 blocks of the hospital I was being sent to, and they rushed over to help us. And coincidentally, my parents were on their way to visit me that weekend, which was very comforting to know as they were prepping me in the ER.

Anyhoo, D's mom and dad were very sweet and helpful, but I was embarrassed to have them see me that way, *especially* when I was unable to walk and get myself into the bathroom to put on my hospital gown. I asked a nurse for help and she basically refused, so D's mom helped me into the room, took off my clothes for me -- all the time she was promising not to look, but I know she saw at least my rear-end -- and then the worst part was she carried my pee sample to the nurse for me. I was mortified. D's dad also had to hear me tell one of the nurses that I was on the pill (they asked what kind of prescription medication I was on when they were checking me in).

The nice thing is it turned out to be a bonding experience for me with his family, and our parents ended up meeting for the first time and totally hit it off, but it was quite embarrassing as it was happening.

Maddie · Coach

Hermione wrote:

anyway, i think this quote really applies to me:
"I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic."

I am already the exact same person as Miranda, but EVERYONE always tells me this episode reminds them of me! Whatever, we rock it.

Hermione · Kate Spade

sephorablue wrote:

"Oh god. Have revealed self to be strange ferret-like person who enjoys hiding behind doors. Now entire office thinks am mad."

LOL you are hilarious girl!!

oh yes, and your falling story reminded me of another one -

I had been really good friends with this one guy for about a year - to the point where we would talk every day for at least an hour or two -

finally, as a naive idiot, i told him that i "loved him." i was 19 and didn't know a damn thing, i hadn't really dated before, and so really what i "liked" him. he was about three or four years older, i don't remember. well he freaked out and didn't talk to me for like a week. in being friends with him, i had also become friends with his two best friends and his brother. well they told me i should still go to this house party they'd all be at, and his best friend picked me up to go. i, of course, wanted to go, and look totally hot, and see him and be seen by him. well, he's there, and totally doesn't talk to me at all, which is painfully obvious in the tiny townhouse. i decide to drink my troubles away, and while walking through the parking lot with his brother and friends, totally take a spill and fall on my face. in the parking lot.

they were all rushing over saying "oh my god, are you ok!?!?!" but i was so embarassed, i insisted i was fine.

the next morning i woke up with HUGE bloody scabs all over the left side of my face and around my eye. i mean it looked like someone held my head on the pavement and dragged it across.

for some reason i was too embarassed to tell everyone it was a drunken spill so i made up some story about getting tackled during a game of football. like i've ever played football in my life!

those scabs didn't heal for like three weeks :( i'm actually really lucky i didn't get scars.

oh, and p.s. - that guy never did talk to me again.

Hermione · Kate Spade

Maddie wrote:

Hermione wrote: anyway, i think this quote really applies to me: "I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic." I am already the exact same person as Miranda, but EVERYONE always tells me this episode reminds them of me! Whatever, we rock it.

it's true, i am a miranda too. and i eat cake out of the trash. or i would.

NCshopper · Hermes

Hermione wrote:

Maddie wrote: Hermione wrote: anyway, i think this quote really applies to me: "I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic." I am already the exact same person as Miranda, but EVERYONE always tells me this episode reminds them of me! Whatever, we rock it. it's true, i am a miranda too. and i eat cake out of the trash. or i would.

I am totally a Miranda girl too. Last week I was smuggling these little cheesecake desserts out of an event in my purse. I had like 5 shoved in my purse. Well, one dropped on the ground in the parking lot and I definitely picked it up and ate it anyway.

mikacat · Coach

Collette wrote:

OMG I'm laughing my butt off right now these are hysterical. BrazenCanidian, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a Ralph Wiggims voice! Ok Here's mine. Date #5 with my now husband he took me to Miami for the weekend to stay at his condo. Of course if your're there for a weekend things have to happen. Bodily function things. So date #5 I clog the toilet. So I come out of the bathroom red faced in shame and have to tell him that I've clogged our one and only toilet and we have no plunger and it's 1AM so no place is open to buy one. So he proceeds to make a plunger out of an emply 2 liter of soda. ( yes it actually works!) and plunges my poop. On date #5.

LMAO!!

Mandy · Kate Spade

omg!!! i have to stop reading these at work, i'm laughing outloud and people think im nuts.

this one is from 7th grade, but i still can remember quite vividly how embarrased i was 13 years later. i was new to the whole period thing and noticed i got my period right before gym class. well, i didn't have a tampon or anything because i didn't know to carry one just in case. so i improvise and take toilet paper and make my own "pad" in my undies to prevent an unsightly spot. great idea right? no. we are doing this weird relay race that involved everyone standing in teams on one side of the gym and then one person from each team would run to the other side of the gym and back. well, on my turn my toilet paper pad fell out. doh. so there it is, in the middle of the gym, and i pretended it wasn't mine. uh yeah, some guy was like "hey, you dropped something". the rest of class it laid there in the middle of the floor taunting me. i don't know if its better or worse that they thought it was stuffing that came out of my bra.

more recently, i had a night out where i had one to many martinis. it was weird i had 5 martinis and felt fine and i remember thinking, look at me, im a rockstar. martini #6 hit me like a brick wall. all the drunkeness i should have felt all night caught up with me. whats worse is, i had been talking to this guy and my friends left me and i was supposed to go with the guy to another bar to meet my friend. well, i couldn't go anywhere else, i couldn't even see straight (6 martinis + 105 lb girl= trouble), so the boy i just met drove me home. of course i started feeling really sick on the way home and i fought it as much as i could. well, 1 block from my house nausea won, i started to throw up a little but managed to hold it in my mouth. gross, yes, but i was drunk and didn't want to puke in this guys car. he didn't notice this but his friend in the backseat did. he asked if i was ok and all i could do was nod my head greenfaced because i had puke in my mouth. i planned to somehow spit it out when he got to my apartment. i think i ended up swallowing it (again, super gross i know). the guy asked for my number and i scribbled it and bolted. surprisingly he called, i wouldn't have called me. i don't know if he ever knew about me getting sick. a funny side note: i woke up the next morning naked in my bath tub with no water in it. yup, thats a night im real proud of.

NCshopper · Hermes

Mandy wrote:

a funny side note: i woke up the next morning naked in my bath tub with no water in it. yup, thats a night im real proud of.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....that is hillarious!!!

-- Edited by NCshopper at 21:18, 2006-02-04

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

OMG those are sooooo funny! I just remembered a falling one. I was having a party at my house and we were playing drinking games. My boyfriend, now DH was there. I got really drunk and was going up the stairs in my pointy 3 inch heel boots. DH was downstiars with me cause he was getting more oil to fill those tiki torche things. He had black candle crap all over his hands and was going to wash them off. Well I fell somehow while going down the stairs and hit my shin

I started crying and laid there on the floor, he couldn't help me up cause he had black stuff all over his hands. He just stood there holding his hands up saying "are you ok?" This other person that was there came up to us and was like "what the hell happened here?" He thought DH had pushed me down becaue he wasn't helping me. Once I stopped crying we explained the whole thing and laughed about it later.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Oh my god these are funny! I'm a tripper too Bluebirde - big time - I actually sprained a knee watching television once (trying to shift position on the floor, whatever) - and like Maddie every day is just another exercise in embarassment. Like the time I tried to be suave and grab an ellipitcal machine next to a guy I liked and girl came along two seconds later who had signed up for it and got really pissed and I apologized and it didn't help and he laughed. Or the time I accidentally hit someone in the face with my huuuuuge conlaw book, in the hall, in front of like 20 people. Or the time I tripped in front of a guy (my shoes were really slick) and he caught me, and we kept walking down the hall and then I tripped again 20 feet later but he didn't catch me and just looked at me like I was a total weirdo. Or the time, 45 minutes ago, that I was talking to a first year at school and he said, "My teacher is very hard on our class, but I think it will help me learn a lot more so I'm glad she's tough." And I cracked up. Right in his face. And he got all weirded out and kept asking what was so funny and I couldn't tell him, but that was making it funnier so I couldnt' stop laughing either. So now he thinks I'm insane. But seriously, who says stuff like that?

Love all the #2 stories btw!

MissMee · Kate Spade

I can't think of too much right off hand that are super funny, but one comes to mind that's lame.

It was 7th grade, and I was sitting in math class listening to the boring lecture of a teacher we all hated when I needed to sneeze. So I sneezed, only it came out both ends. Now, if you've ever done that on a wooden chair, you know it reverberates like a machine gun. I tried to sneeze very loudly to cover it up, but no luck. Everyone heard and started laughing, but some people thought I did it on purpose to distract the teacher. Right. Who farts on purpose (exept for guys). The worse part was how everyone ran into the hall when the bell rang to tell everyone, "MissMee just went 'achoo' 'pppbbbbtttt'." Super.

blubirde · Chanel

Dizzy wrote:

Or the time, 45 minutes ago, that I was talking to a first year at school and he said, "My teacher is very hard on our class, but I think it will help me learn a lot more so I'm glad she's tough." And I cracked up. Right in his face. And he got all weirded out and kept asking what was so funny and I couldn't tell him, but that was making it funnier so I couldnt' stop laughing either. So now he thinks I'm insane. But seriously, who says stuff like that?

Hahahahahahaha!!!! I'd totally do that too. As a matter of fact, that's my reaction when people tell me they want to go to law school - hysterical laughter. OMG, I would have died laughing if I'd seen you!

Kel · Coach

All of these stories are so funny. I embarass myself all the time, i am pretty much just used to it. Lets see I can rememeber two times, right now, considering they are the most recnt.

1. I was in publix one day and i was walking around the corner and something i guess broke on the floor and so there was liquid everywhere. And I slipped right on my butt in the middle of the grocey store.

2. I was mad at my boyfriend and he was sitting in the diner with his friend. I walked in, all pissed off and I tripped on the step and the door ended up slamming behind me. Just as everyone was looking, I fell.

I also always stay stupid stuff and end up getting embarrassed. The worst part is my face gets all red and I can feel it which makes me even more embarrassed.

KE · Kenneth Cole

OMG Hermione!!!-I am convulsing in suppressed laughter with tears running down my cheeks ( I am at work!) That is so something I would do!!