STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Any good stories out there?

bumblebee · Coach

i really don't understand the standing-up thing either. i think maybe it's some kind of defense against the possibility of being rejected or disappointed maybe. it happened to me once--and not just a random guy. this guy i had been dating for about 3-4 months and i had plans to hang out and do something for valentines' day, although we didn't make specific plans, just sort of mentioned on the phone that we would hang out, maybe make dinner, watch a movie, etc. nothing high-pressure. so the day before v-day, i had called to make plans, discuss what time we would meet up, etc. no return phone call. nothing the next day. nothing the day after that. v-day was on a three-day weekend that year. THREE WEEKS later the guy resurfaces and apologizes up and down and says he has no excuse, just didn't know what to do. what?! he wanted to make plans to hang out and seemed to be under the impression that we were still dating and that it was normal to not call a person you have plans with for three weeks. i disabused him of that notion and sent him on his way.

we're actually friends now, and we've laughed about it, but to this day i have never gotten a straight answer about what happened.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

Good story: Met super cute German boy, things seem to be progressing very nicely. Downside: He works really late hours, and will be going back to Germany in a year or so. No, I will not learn German and move to Germany.

Bad (funny) story: Kissed someone on a whim last Friday who turned out to be the absolute worst kisser in, quite literally, the history of the world. I ended up covered in slime from my collar bone to my cheekbone. And he was groaning. I seriously almost threw up. Especially when my entire chin was engulfed in his hot slimy mouth. GAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm getting the creepy shivers just thinking about it. Ah, the trials and tribulations of singledom. At least I know if I ever get married I'll be able to have a true appreciation for the benefits of married life and forever coupledom.

blubirde · Chanel

I don't understand the standing up thing either. I don't get it. Why not just call and say "sorry, can't make it?" Or, if that's so hard, why call the 2nd and 3rd times to make future dates? Especially if you're just going to not show up to those too?

I had a guy do that to me over the summer. It was pretty horrifying. He always called and canceled but not until the last minute and one of his cancellations ended up with me going crazy one night and ending up with some actual regrets. I resent that the most. How dare a boy be the deciding factor in my state of mind and cause me to have to think about things? Bastard.

Some boys are just cowards. I don't know any of my girlfriends who have purposely blown a guy off after explicity making a date with him. It just makes no sense. Idiots.

Metric · Gucci

It could be worse...In college a friend of mine dated this guy who was such a loser. We all knew it but she couldn't see it for some reason. She even dumped her very nice high-school sweetheart for this guy. Anyway, a few days before every holiday and birthday, he would pick a fight with her and they would break up temporarily. Then once Valentine's or whatever was over he'd get her to forgive him and they'd get back togeather. All so that he would never have to buy her anything. Ahhh...the stupid crap you put up with when you're young and don't know any better.

Don't feel bad, Dizzy. I was the queen of getting stood up. I can't even tell you how many times it happened. I'll never understand it. Boys are stupid creatures.

Sandy · Kate Spade

Aw Dizzy... no thoughts on the standing-up thing; the world may never know

I've never been stood up, but here's my bad/funny story: I was dating a boy in high school for about a month, maybe two. One day he met me at my locker and walked me to my sister's car, like he always did. We say bye and then he handed me a note. It said "Sorry, Steph, this just isn't working out. I'm writing this to you to tell you that I'm breaking up with you. I wish you lots of luck in the future. I hope you're not too heartbroken." WTF?? Who breaks up with someone in A NOTE? That's worse than voice mail, IMO. Don't worry, buddy... I wasn't heartbroken at all.

Oh I have another one like that, which actually happened a few months before. I was dating another boy for hardly two weeks and realized that "it" just wasn't there. He was annoying, and he bothered me. I tried to contact him one day all day to break it off, but he wasn't around. He finally answered the phone and said to go on AIM because we needed to talk. I said I needed to talk to him and it would just take a second, but he wasn't having it. Ok, whatever. I signed on and before my buddy list even loaded all the way, he IMed me with "I'm done with this relationship." He totally knew that I was going to break up with him, but he wanted to do it first. I was mad, but relieved... does it really matter who dumped who (whom??), as long as I didn't have to talk to him anymore?

I hate boys sometimes.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

This is not my story, but it's one of the weirder ones I've heard. A coworker of mine met this great guy on Match over the summer. They emailed and IM'ed constantly but he seemed to be inno rush to meet up--you can already see where this is going--but eventually they made plans. The day before they were supposed to hang out, he didn't log onto his IM, and she emailed him/called but never heard anything. She wrote it off as, "OK, freak, but whatever." THEN he resurfaces two months later, out of the blue, and feeds her this whole line of, "I don't expect you to believe me, it's too crazy, but what happened was that I had a doctor's appointment the day before I was supposed to meet you, I'd been feeling a little sick, and when I got there he discovered I had this insane staph infection and had to be rushed to the hospital." He claims he was in the hospital for weeks and then spent a few more weeks at home just recuperating, and then decided to get in touch with her to apologize. So she's like, "wow, what a nightmare, I'm so glad you're OK," etc, etc, and things resume as before with the constant, intimate IM and the emails. Again with the dragging his feet on meeting up, but she figures maybe he's self-conscious, he's been really sick, maybe he's not looking his best, or whatever. They make definite plans again, she's all excited and planning her outfit and looking forward to it--he goes off the grid again a day or two before their date--he stands her up AGAIN.

I am POSITIVE that this guy is married, kinda bored, fantasizing about being with other women, so he gets his kicks chatting up gorgeous women he spots on Match (my friend is a knockout), but doesn't actually go so far as to meet them. Maybe in my friend's case he thought he was going to go through with it but got cold feet and bailed at the last minute; either that or he was stringing her along the entire time. Either way he's a psychopath.

atlgirl · Gucci

Dizzy, I'm sorry these guys are not being...er, "stand up" guys! ~groaning at my bad pun~ But seriously, you deserve better and I have no logical explanation why they would do this.

I've never been stood up either, but I have two icky stories I'll share:

First: back in HS, I really, really, really liked this guy, M. But he never seemed interested. So...I made plans to go to our spring dance (like homecoming, only some other dopey name because it was in spring instead of fall) with my friend T, who had a crush on me. Well...about a month before the dance, M and I get together at a party and whoa! he was such a good kisser..and so cute..we start dating - I ended up going to the spring dance with him. My buddy T. was cool about it, but when I think back on it, it was pretty rude of me (socially adept, I was not).

So...night of the dance; I'm beside myself - understand that I was never cute or popular in HS and this guy was more in the "in" crowd, so not only am I excited that the guy I like is taking me to the dance, but I'm feeling "in" myself, for once. Well...he picks me up, and we go to eat. That was fine, but then at the dance he's all distant and nonchalant - completely different from the prior month we'd been dating. Then he says he "doesn't feel good" and thinks he should just go home. He drops me off back at my house - I kid you not - at 9:30 at night. Hell of a date!

He never really talked to me again. I was crushed, but in retrospect I suppose it serves me right for not sticking to my original plan with T. and stupidly wanting to feel popular, even for one night.

Second (and more recently): MY BFF at the time is dating this guy, and he lives with three other guys in the same house. One of the other guys is her BF's brother. So I know them all slightly, and brother asks me out. We go to the restaurant, and have just ordered our dinner selections. And - apparently this is what passes for small talk with him - he asks me the number question. As in, "So, how many guys have you slept with?" WTF! I told him I don't discuss that. He asks me three different times, saying things like, "C'mon, I won't hold it against you" and stuff - finally after the last time, I tell him it's none of his f*cking business and that the date's over. The poor waitress had just brought the food and here we were leaving. Needless to say, that was also our last date. It made things a little awkward when my friend and her BF (this guy's brother) were part of our social group...fortunately they broke up not long after.

-- Edited by atlgirl at 20:12, 2006-01-30

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

Wow! Now I am scared to jump back into the dating pool!

Well - knock on wood about being stood up. But I just have the story of my first date after breaking up with the long-term ex. Went out with a guy from Match. he seemed pretty cute in his pics. We're both driving to the restaurant in L.A. and on the way while we are on the phone, he suggest going clubbing in Hollywood. I said I'm spontaneous, so although I am not dressed for dancing, I agree. We have a cheap dinner (under $20) at a Korean rest. He suggests I drive since his big truck will be impossible to park, and I end up paying $10 for valet. Not only did he NOT dress for a club at all (his clothes were UGH) - we had to wait in line for 40 min in the cold and he was not on any guest list. When they were asking for the cover charge, I told him I wasn not expectign to go to a club or pay and didn't have enough cash for the $20 cover (I just came after work). He paused and slowly said "okay - I'll pay for your cover and you can get 1st round of drinks". WTF??? Oh - and the clincher - while in line he tells me he is not a good dancer. So when he says something like "Oh! You're a pretty good dancer?!" for the 4th time - I tell him straight that "I never said I wasn't"! Ugh.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I'm so sorry this guy was such a jerk, Dizzy! What an a-hole. Let's all keep our fingers crossed for him and other jerks to wake up tomorrow with unsightly bald spots.

I haven't been stood up, exactly, but did date a guy for three months who just stopped calling me, and never called or emailed again. We were introduced by a mutual friend at a superbowl party, and then he found me on Friendster and started writing to me, and we started dating. I thought we hit it off, and things were going well, until he suddenly acted "distant." Of course, I asked if things were okay and he said yes, and he came to my birthday party, but he went home along with everyone else and I never heard from him again. Oh well! Right before this he'd told me he was in therapy because he was screwed up about being close to women so I suppose he did me a favor. Then there was someone else who, when he broke up with me, listed one of the reasons as the fact that I sometimes wore high heels. WTF? So sue me for occasionally wearing heels. Anyway, I guess the good thing is when you finally meet someone good and are in a good relationship, you can think back on all the bad experiences and really appreciate being with this someone even more.

Mandy · Kate Spade

omg! im sorry you got stood up. don't feel bad about agreeing to go out the other nights, logic would tell you there is no way someone stand you up again.

a girlfriend of mine fell into the same trap this summer. she was seeing this guy and things got intense really fast, they spent all their time together for like 3 weeks then all of a sudden he drops off the face of the earth. come to find out he was dating someone else. after about a month he called to apologize and said that he wanted to take her out to make up for it, then stands her up. he repeated this behavior all summer, everytime she started to move on and he heard she was seeing someone else, he would call smooze her over and then stand her up. i think it happened about 5 times total. by the end, i told her i didn't want to hear his name or what happened.

i have a sort of being stood up story too. i had been seeing this guy for a couple of months and we were spending a good bit of time together. well one night, we both were going out with our friends but we said that we would meet up later. my girlfriend ended up not feeling well and not going out so i was just going to tag along with his friends. they were going to a bar thats only a few blocks from my apartment so i told him that i would walk and meet him there if he didn't mind meeting me halfway (i was really hoping he would come all the way to my place to walk with me). he said not a problem and that he would call when they got there. he called but then told me that he wouldn't walk a couple of blocks to meet me halfway . i told him i didn't feel totally safe walking alone, but he said that he couldn't leave his friends. while i sat there for a second trying to decide if was going to go any way because i was already dressed, he hung up!! needless to say things were over after that. he never even called to apologize. he tried to apologize on messenger when we were at work on monday. uhh no.