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Post Info TOPIC: Worried about my friend, update
theotherjess


Chanel

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Worried about my friend, update
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My friend B is a wrestler and has always been a little obsessed with losing weight so he could move down a weight class.  He is the captain and is obviously pressured to win, which he feels he can better do in a lower weight class.  He has always limited his food intake, especially right before a match, but today a fairly reliable source and mutual friend told me that B had been taking laxatives and making himself throw up.  She also told me that one week all he ate was water, one bottle of Gatorade, and two fruit bars.  This scares me.  He is 112 lbs and about 5'6.  I know people can have those dimensions in a healthy way (I'm almost in that range) but it really scares me that he is practically starving himself and then making himself lose the rest of his weight in an unhealthy manner .  Exactly how bad is this for him and what should I do?

-- Edited by theotherjess at 16:04, 2006-01-18

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Hermione


Kate Spade

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RE: Worried about my friend
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that sounds very, very unhealthy to me. 


i know this is common in wrestling but that doesn't make it ok.  i would talk to either his parents or his coach or both.



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Elle


Hermes

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112 at 5'6" for a male sound scarily thin to me.


And, not only that, he's most likely doing himself (and his wrestling) more harm than good because his body is probably at the point where it's eating it's own muscle since he's not supplying it with anything else.  Honestly, if you're able I would report his unhealthy habits to his coach so they can talk about healthier ways to accomplish weight loss.



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Maddie


Coach

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If I were you I wouldn't do anything. It defintely sounds unhealthy, but I think there's nothing you can do. An eating disorder (if that's what you think is going on) is so personal and isn't something you can do anything about. I think he would see you talking to his parents or coach as going behind his back and betraying him. I know friendships that have ended in that exact way. If you talk to him about it he's going to feel like he's being watched, and not in a positive way that will make him have healthuer habits. How long has this been going on? I think many many people slip in and out of phases of unhealthy eating, so it might just run its course on its own. It may be worth bringing up with him, but only if you guys are really really close.

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theotherjess


Chanel

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The sad thing is that his coach knows and gets kind of irked when we sneak B food (which he will eat occassionally).  His parents already know but don't care that much or keep telling him to stop but never do anything.


Is there anything I could say to him one on one?  Like statistics or something?


Just saw your post Maddie.  That's the thing.  I don't want to piss him off or make him feel embarrassed because he's already self conscious.  I hate this .



-- Edited by theotherjess at 17:11, 2006-01-17

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Bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. We all could use more of it. It's no taste I'm against. -Diana Vreeland
Hermione


Kate Spade

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maddie, you are right, he probably will see this as being betrayed.


one of my best friends freshman year in college was anorexic.  none of us knew at first, b/c it wasn't really bad, but after the first semester she became very depressed and ate next to nothing.  we literally would take turns checking with eachother to see if anyone had seen her eat anything.  she was also suicidal, or said she was.  everyone got sick of dealing with this and finally i knew i couldn't do anything.  i was tired and stressed from worrying about her and monitoring her. 


i called up the counseling services at our school, and they asked me to talk to her parents.  i did.  she told me she would never talk to me again.


today she is healthy, has not only graduated college with a psych degree (she transferred) but is in lawschool, and called me three years later to thank me for saving her life.


so i think that it's alright for the friendship to end, if that's what needs to happen.


 


ETA: i also had a similar situation with my roommate and her abusive boyfriend.  now i will admit, that when i was young, i had an honesty complex combined with a hero complex, but she didn't want to hear the things i had to say about her boyfriend (when the subject came up) but she thanked me for it (much) later.



-- Edited by Hermione at 17:15, 2006-01-17

-- Edited by Hermione at 17:20, 2006-01-17

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Elle


Hermes

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Wow, that's even more unfortunate!  I can't believe that nobody (but you) cares!


I think you might be able to find some good articles online or something - maybe try Men's Health or something for starters.  Or a nutritionist that works with bodybuilders/weightlifters/wrestlers, if such a thing exists?



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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
theotherjess


Chanel

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Elle wrote:

Wow, that's even more unfortunate!  I can't believe that nobody (but you) cares! I think you might be able to find some good articles online or something - maybe try Men's Health or something for starters.  Or a nutritionist that works with bodybuilders/weightlifters/wrestlers, if such a thing exists?
Oh, plenty of people care, just not the ones that should (parents, coach, other wrestlers).  I think I'm going to write him a nonconfrontational email that says something along the lines of I'm worried about you, I want you to be healthy, etc etc.  I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting.  Thanks guys.

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Bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. We all could use more of it. It's no taste I'm against. -Diana Vreeland
small fry


Chanel

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Hugs to you and your friend, I have experience with this and yes a person can get really defense of this and sometime it makes it worse. Although if you are really close to him  maybe sit and just talk and let him know how you feel and you will be there for him through it all. He also may want help but not sure how to ask and with you being close to him may just open the door for him. Please let us know how it goes

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NCshopper


Hermes

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Unfortunately, I think this is really common for wrestling and unfortunately it's not terribly surprising that his coach is supporting (or isn't concerned about) his behavior.  I think a non-confrontational e-mail is probably the best you can do.  You don't want him to feel like he can't confide in you or can't turn to you if he needs help.


It's a tricky situation you're in, but I'm sure he'll appreciate knowing that you care. 


Also, for what it's worth, being 5'6" and 112 pounds is ridiculously thin for a guy.  I wonder how his bones can tolerate the wrestling.  Ugh...poor guy...it sounds truly awful.



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theotherjess


Chanel

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RE: Worried about my friend, update
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Update:  He wrote back and told me that he doesn't throw up (and I believe him for now).  He IS at 112 but next week he is moving up to the next weight group so he should be gaining ~8 lbs.  He said he is definitely stopping after the season and I saw him eat a piece of pizza today, so that's good.  I know it's still not good for him but I guess if it's only for 6 more weeks I shouldn't make too big a deal of it.  Thanks ladies!

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Bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika. We all could use more of it. It's no taste I'm against. -Diana Vreeland
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