STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> general chat -> Need help with "putting my foot down"
Post Info TOPIC: Need help with "putting my foot down"
CarrieS


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2364
Date:
Need help with "putting my foot down"
Permalink Closed

This might be long...Sorry....


Okay, basic story: I decided that I wanted to go up to MOA one last time before I move, so I picked February as the month to do it it (financially works out better then). Originally, I was going to go by myself, but then started thinking that the long drive would bore me and someone coming with would be better. So I asked one of my friends if she wanted to go..She said sure, and I decided to ask another friend as well. When we were all at the bar last Friday, I also asked someone else. That's 3 other people coming with me now. As soon as I asked all of them, I immediately regretted it. The reason? It's because I'm so independant, that when I ask people to do things with me, I'm always end up torn between how I'll be better going by myself and then on the opposite side, how fun it could be with other people. It's always a battle with me. I almost backed out of the trip entirely and was going to just go by myself anyways.


(Note: I occasionally get comments from friends on how and what I spend my money on; Not happy when this happens. It will probably happen at least once on this trip)


 Now, I've decided that it will be more fun with more people and I'm comfortable with that now.


 The current problem that I need help with is this: I want to go on a Saturday, because the mall is open longer and I don't have to rush back to Ames that night. The first friend that I asked, is now not sure if she wants to try and get off of work on Saturday and would rather go on Sunday, since she already has that day off. I don't want to go on Sunday because of the shortened mall hours and the fact that I'll have to rush back to Ames so that I can get to bed and get up early on Monday for work. The other issue that could turn into a major problem, is that I usually need at least 1.5 hours to wind down before bed, or it's hard for me to sleep (I get insomnia, so that wouldn't be good).


If we do go on a Sunday, we'd be getting back into town about 1 hour before I normally go to bed. Not really long enough for me to get relaxed. I just know I'm going to feel rushed up at the mall on a Sunday too... I don't want to purposely be a bitch about this, but I do NOT want to go on a Sunday. My selfish side is thinking of the facts that it's probably my last trip there before I move, it's MY car that's getting miles on it, MY gas that's being used, and basically MY trip that I happened to invite people along with.


The nice side of me says to compromise and go on a Sunday if Saturday REALLY can't be worked out.


The selfish side is winning right now. Is there any way at all that I can put my foot down on going on a Saturday, without coming off as a total bitch? I can't come up with a way to say "I'm going on Saturday and if you can't go then, too bad" politely. The girl that wants to go on a Sunday can be a huge bitch about small things, so ticking her off isn't something I really want to do..


EDIT: A really easy way out would be to tell her that I have family plans on Sunday and can't go, or if I don't want to directly lie, say that I prefer to do my birthday plans on Sunday, not Saturday, with family (My b-day is the Friday before). Help? Advice? Thanks for listening....



-- Edited by CarrieS at 09:10, 2006-01-13

__________________
Head back, arms down, and hold on!
NCshopper


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 6065
Date:
RE: Need help with "putting my foot down"
Permalink Closed

I think you should go on Saturday.  As you said, the trip was your idea, it'll be with your car, and your miles and it's your chance to go while you still can.  You were nice enough to ask this girl to go and if she can't go on Saturday, then too bad.  Personally, I don't think there's really anything wrong with coming up with a white lie.  Tell her you have plans on Sunday already and that Saturday is your only option.  I don't think you're being selfish at all.  (I think I'm very much like you--I usually prefer to do things on my own because having other people come along, especially shopping, just means I'm going to have to alter my own plans.)



__________________

ihavetohaveit.blogspot.com
HeatherLynn


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2915
Date:
RE: Need help with "putting my foot down"
Permalink Closed

I say go on Saturday.  You were already having regret about inviting them, so just say you decided on Saturday and if they can't go you feel bad, but that is the day that is most convinient for YOUR trip. 

__________________
"Despite all your best intentions, sometimes, fate wins anyway."
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2130
Date:
Permalink Closed

I agree. Personally, if I was the girl, it wouldn't occur to me to be upset if you had to go on Saturday, or just preferred to go on Saturday. You planned the trip already, and she asked for something different. She can't assume she's going to be accomodated. She would be being really bitchy if she got upset.

__________________
small fry


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 4689
Date:
Permalink Closed

I say go with your selfish side and go on sat

__________________
CarrieS


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2364
Date:
Permalink Closed

Thanks girls!   Originally when she asked about Sunday, I asked her to please try to get off work on Saturday, but that I would consider Sunday if I had to.


I just don't want to go; It's my birthday weekend dammit!


I think I am going to tell the white lie and be like "I'm sorry, but I forgot I made family plans for my b-day on Sunday, so I can't go then.  It'll have to be Saturday"


Thanks again!



__________________
Head back, arms down, and hold on!
joy0302


Kate Spade

Status: Offline
Posts: 1173
Date:
RE: Need help with "putting my foot down"
Permalink Closed

I say call your family now and make plans for Sunday. Then call your friend back and tell her you will have to go on Saturday because you have birthday plans with your family on Sunday. That way you will not have to feel bad for telling her a lie, because you will have plans. It was your trip in the first place and your birthday so you should be the only one the trip has to be planned around. Have a great time!!

__________________
http://joydevivredesign.blogspot.com/
CarrieS


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2364
Date:
RE: Need help with "putting my foot down"
Permalink Closed

joy0302 wrote:

I say call your family now and make plans for Sunday.

Lol, I actually just emailed them!   I thought the exact same thing; I'll actually make plans, so it's not a total lie



__________________
Head back, arms down, and hold on!
JoceyBaby23


Gucci

Status: Offline
Posts: 2744
Date:
Permalink Closed

NCshopper wrote:

I think you should go on Saturday.  As you said, the trip was your idea, it'll be with your car, and your miles and it's your chance to go while you still can.  You were nice enough to ask this girl to go and if she can't go on Saturday, then too bad.  Personally, I don't think there's really anything wrong with coming up with a white lie.  Tell her you have plans on Sunday already and that Saturday is your only option.  I don't think you're being selfish at all.  (I think I'm very much like you--I usually prefer to do things on my own because having other people come along, especially shopping, just means I'm going to have to alter my own plans.)
I couldn't agree with this more!

__________________
-jocey-
lynnie


Chanel

Status: Offline
Posts: 3612
Date:
Permalink Closed

go saturday. would you be devastated if she didn't go? if no, then why accomodate her? sorry, maybe i'm just a b*tch, hehe. i think your selfish side should win, but be nice about it and make white lies, no point in telling her what you told us.

__________________

my fashion/style thoughts www.poetryofpause.com 
wicked


Coach

Status: Offline
Posts: 1812
Date:
Permalink Closed

Don't feel selfish. This is your trip and they should be greatful that you're willing to drive all that way and that you invited them to tag along. In my opinion you are doing them a big favor.

__________________
CarrieS


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2364
Date:
Permalink Closed

Alrighty, so I've texted her and said "So, I remembered yesterday that I actually have family bday plans on the 19th, so I won't be able to go to MOA on Sunday"...I wanted to kind of get it out there before I actually see her tonight.  That way, she's had time to think about it, and if I get quizzed further, I'll probably tell another small lie, something like "Yeah, after I picked the final date, I emailed family about doing my bday on Sunday and the said okay.  I'm not really going to budge from that either, since it IS my bday weekend".


Does all that sound okay?  The text I already sent and the prepared argument if she pushes further?


 



__________________
Head back, arms down, and hold on!
Mandy


Kate Spade

Status: Offline
Posts: 1134
Date:
Permalink Closed

i wouldn't feel selfish at all.  its YOUR trip and YOUR idea.  it would be different if you guys had the idea together.  there are no compromises when it comes to your birthday. 

__________________
www.mandyandbryan.com
Elle


Hermes

Status: Offline
Posts: 7139
Date:
Permalink Closed

CarrieS wrote:

That way, she's had time to think about it, and if I get quizzed further, I'll probably tell another small lie, something like "Yeah, after I picked the final date, I emailed family about doing my bday on Sunday and the said okay.  I'm not really going to budge from that either, since it IS my bday weekend". Does all that sound okay?  The text I already sent and the prepared argument if she pushes further?  

I think the text you sent is fine, but since you said that she's prone to getting upset over little things, I think the last part has some backfire potential.


Maybe you could just say your family has some conflicts on Saturday and they have something special planned for Sunday that apparently took some arranging to set up, and you think they'd be really disappointed/hurt/ticked if you cancelled.  This even technically prevents you from being able to tell her exactly what the plans for Sunday are, seeing as it's a suprise for you too , and then you're also not the 'bad guy' since your hands are tied.


I'd maybe even just start out in a really casual/no-biggie kind of way "Bummer it's not going to work out for us to go together this time!  Maybe some other time when I come back to town/Maybe we could do XYZ on this date instead?".  If she presses you more then explain. 


No worries .  I think it'll be fine.



__________________
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment ~ {Ralph Waldo Emerson}
CarrieS


Marc Jacobs

Status: Offline
Posts: 2364
Date:
Permalink Closed

I did think about saying that my brother had something going on on Saturday, so I couldn't do my bday then.  I still might say that because we picked Saturday to go to the mall AND my bro is busy that day, Sunday is when we all have free to get together for my bday.  I don't think this will upset her, and if she still tries to push, I don't care about getting slightly defensive about it being MY bday weekend


Also, if she wants to push back the trip another week (I'm not totally against this either), but still do a Sunday, I will tell her the truth (my reasons for not wanting to go on Sundays) and say a definite "No" about going then. 


I plan on acting "aw that sucks!" if she doesn't get off work on Saturday and can't go...


You know, I don't purposely cause drama, but it seems to find me.  That and I shouldn't open my mouth to invite people places until I'm completely committed to one decision



__________________
Head back, arms down, and hold on!
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
stylethread site home page -> stylethread forum -> general chat -> Need help with "putting my foot down"
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard