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Misty


Dooney & Bourke

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Vent re: nosy people and parenting
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Ok, so this morning my daughter was not having the greatest day.  She begged to not go to school (she's 5 1/2), and started being really ugly once we got there.  She pulled her hand out of mine, and was just about throwing a fit.  I swatted her on the leg as I normally do to show her that I mean business (it's never hard enough to actually hurt, but it gets her attention).  Well she got really mad and actually shoved me with two hands.  So I swatted her on the leg 3 more times and yelled at her that she had better straighten up because she had no choice about going to school (I told her it was against the law for children not to go to school). We were under an atrium with a high ceiling and I guess it has good acoustics or something so my voice carried (I swear I was not yelling that loud).  Well when we walked in to school (10 min. before bell), I heard this mother behind me making comments about that poor little girl, that she felt sorry for her or whatever.  Ok, i'm not a horrible person -- I don't berate my child in public.  If you are a parent, you know to do what you must to get your point across and what gets your child's attention.  I don't spank my child often; I take things away from her like not allowing her to attend a bday party that is coming up, no TV before bed, no dessert.  Things like that.  It works more often than not.  But I could not do anything of those things and was mainly in shock that she actually shoved me much less that it was in public (her father lets her get away with a lot of things bec. of the divorce.  This is the only reason i can fathom that she would actually do this).  So yeah I yelled.  Anyway, the mother kept on with her comments up until she was right behind me, so I turned around and told her "not to worry, she's fine".  She kept on saying things and said "you were so loud i could hear you out on the street".  I responded with "don't worry about it, lady.  she's my daughter and she's fine."  She started to say something else, but thought the better of it I guess.  It just irks the crap out of me that she even made a comment.  If I was beating my child or something, I could understand that her comments were warranted.  But show me a parent who doesn't reprimand their child for shoving them and I will take back all the thoughts I had bout beating that lady down.  I'm so kidding really.  My daughter goes to a southern Baptist school, so I'm pretty sure I would have been arrested had I resorted to such behavior.


BTW, I always "make up" with my daughter after she is disciplined to make sure that she understands why she was in trouble and that she knows that I love her.  I even tell her "I know that you are really mad at mommy right now and that's okay.  I only get upset with you when you misbehave because I love you so much and want you to be a good little girl.  You're still my most favorite person in this world."  She loves that last part.


Thanks for listening. 



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Elle


Hermes

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Well, I feel like you are the only person who knows what it's like to live in your life with your child.  Anyone who would judge you for disciplining your child, out loud and to your face, when they don't know the whole situation/story is in the wrong.


As a parent, I think you just have to do what works for you.  It may not be what works for others, but as long as you're keeping your cool and not taking things too far then don't listen to random passersby.


You know the kids that I feel sorry for?  The ones with parents that abhore them so much that it's obvious to someone observing them for 10 seconds, not the ones with parents that care about them enough to put their foot down once in awhile.


 



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NCshopper


Hermes

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Wow, I can't believe that lady said that!  She should mind her own business.  There are so many parents out there that seem to forget about the actual "parenting" part and act like they're trying to win their kids favor and be their best friend.  Well, it doesn't work that way.  Sounds like that lady was one of those parents who has no backbone.


Also, I love what you say to your daughter to "make up."  That is so important.  I'll have to remember what you say for future reference whenever I have kids.



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Bastet


Kate Spade

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I'm sorry you had to put up with that woman!  There are so many sanctimonious parents out there who think that the only way to raise a child is their way and don't balk at the idea of sticking their noses in other parents' business.  No one knows your daughter better than you do, and other mothers shouldn't butt in.  I don't understand why some mothers can't resist the urge to criticize other parents.  Maybe it's their own feelings of inadequacy and this is how they cope with them?

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Luv2Shop


Kate Spade

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NCshopper wrote:

 Sounds like that lady was one of those parents who has no backbone.
I agree.  She's the kind of parent that has kids that grow up and beat people up because all their parents ever did when they got violent was say "mommy doesn't like that, stop that honey"  Yea right!!  Kids need to learn that acting out violently is unacceptable especially to their parents!  When I have kids I am going to spank them just like my mom did to me.  I think your way of "fighting/repremanding your daughter and then "making up/talking about it" is a really great way to communicate why you are repremanding her.  I actually really like that idea.

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JoceyBaby23


Gucci

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I think you handled it perfectly and she should have minded her own business. You did the right thing and you are a great mom!

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Misty


Dooney & Bourke

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Awww thanks you guys ... for the validation, support and kind words about my parenting skills.  It's difficult enough being a parent/single mom without being chastised and/or criticized by other parents, and that lady just pissed me off royally.  Wonder how she will behave towards me at the next parent-child event.  hehe I'll be my same charming self as usual. Really though, I'll be nice or at least cordial.



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"I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. It's so romantic. It's romance." - Pamela Anderson
laken1


Hermes

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I hate people like this. Really, it's none of their business. I don't have kids but I can tell you, even after babysitting my nieces for a few days, I completely understand. You know what your child reacts to & I agree - we can tell you are a caring & loving mom. I also love what you tell her when you "make up". I think that's so sweet!

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alb


Marc Jacobs

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OMG Misty--You are a great mom and I admire you so much for how good you are with M.  How is she doing btw?  She is so fortunate to have a mom like you, don't listen to that witch (not that you would anyway).  I agree with laken about what you say to her after she's been introuble.  That is really sweet.    



-- Edited by alb at 20:56, 2006-01-10

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small fry


Chanel

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hugs to you and what a B****, yes I know people can judge others and what makes me mad is they do it not knowing the whole situation  and you look like the bad person. I know its hard rasing children and dont worry you are a good Mom. I know I hardly ever spank because it really hurts me  but sometime I have to it nothing else works.    

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