STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Hey, this post is more for me than anyone else. I'm trying to remember the things learned in my career, to apply to law school now. And posting here always helps remind me WHY I think what I think. So, here are Dizzy's rules for career success:

1) There is no playground monitor. I don't mean this in the sense of "every gal for herself..." although some people certainly play that way. I mean that if someone isn't playing fair, you can't just tell the teacher. Deal. This is scary until you get used to it, then it's freeing.

2) Every problem - EVERY problem - is an opportunity to add to your skill set. Don't waste your time going "Oh no, this person is being crappy..." Think of collecting different types of crappy people like baseball cards. When you a get a grumbler, hey, this is your chance to figure out how to make it stop, cheer her up, whatever you want. And if you run out of ideas for new coping strategies, turn the crappy situation into a hold-your-breath-under-water endurance test. As long as it's a game, you'll be able to keep getting up in the morning.

3) Having said that, not being able to get up in the morning is a huge red flag. If this is happening there's something you're avoiding. To fix it, you have to go against your intuition. This works because, generally, people want to avoid a person who makes them feel criticized or unliked, and a situation that makes them feel incompetent. The only way to get over it is to inure yourself to the criticism and to practice the situation until it's not so scary anymore. (This is the hardest one for me to do. I'm a major avoider....)

4) You don't have to care, but you have to look like it. I simply don't understand people who insist on being "real" all the time. It's egotism. And people who put their ego over the group's good (well, people who LOOK like they're doing that) are ALWAYS punished. Sometimes quite severly. It's sad because usually these are the nicest, most ethical people. But get over yourself. There is no reason why your every emotion should match your every facial expression. You don't have to lie when the boss gives you a project you both know is crap. And you don't have to pretend that your coworkers are awesome if you think they're insane. Just say something noncommital when appropriate, and look for positive things to praise legitimately. It's paying your dues to the group - same reason why we have manners. Actually, it is manners.

5) If someone criticizes you, flip the situation. Say thank you. Act like they're doing you the biggest favor ever by taking an interest in you and helping you to avoid barriers to success. Sometimes this is true, sometimes they're just trying to syke you out. If it's true, being open to their feedback lets them feel good about themselves, which in turn makes them feel good about you. And you might learn something. If their motives are less pure, you deflate them fast. Also, some people try to start running fights with someone successful enough to be threatening. The startee can then control the interactions to make the victim look pretty bad for fighting back. My ex boss once trashed the most talented designer to his face (unjustly) until he stormed off. For YEARS after that, every time he disagreed with her (usually justly), she would bring it up and imply that he was disagreeing because he still "had difficulty accepting feedback" and carried a grudge.

6) Do favors and send thank yous. It keeps your day more interesting, for one thing. It's always easier to work up enthusiasm for someone else's job because it's a break in the routine (for me at least). But also, there's a reason the mafia system is structured on one-good-turn-deserves-another.

Well, that's all I can think of. I can see some major ones I've been neglecting recently, now that it's all written down in front of me. Thanks for letting me vent. This board has been a lifesaver this past year.

UPDATE: Thought of two more while I was falling asleep last night...

7) Some people are crazy. Don't act like with these people like you would with a normal person. Meet crazy with a polite, bland smile and DO NOT GET UPSET. You know you have a crazy if this person says one thing, (such as "I'd like to see you spend more time doing x...") then, particularly if their demand has been met, acts like the conversation never happened or sincerely expresses the exact OPPOSITE opinion (I can't believe you've been wasting company resources doing x...) Another blinking neon clue is if the person cannot handle criticism and acts like people are out to get her.

8) Manage your reputation at all times. You have to have a storyline. This one is complicated so I'm going to leave it and think about it later...



-- Edited by Dizzy at 00:08, 2006-01-08

-- Edited by Dizzy at 07:32, 2006-01-08