STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

laken1 · Hermes

Weight issues, so depressed, need support PLEASE

ILoveChoo · Hermes

(((hugs)))

I just want to say that I've seen your pics and I think that you are beautiful. I used to be about the same size as you though (wering 10s and occasional 12s) and felt the same way, so I know how you feel. You took the first step and went to WW- that's great! Stick with it, ok? Even when it gets hard...I do it myself and it's a very healthy way to lose weight and it works really well. After a few weeks you'll start to really see it come off and maybe that will help your motivation? My first week on it I was kind of the same, I did it but was super depressed about it- and I lost 8 pounds! That really helped me get in a better mood for the nest weeks.

And what is it with Mom's saying mean things like that? Mine used to tell me that I was going to be the size of a house if I took second helpings (even of things like salad). Really Mom, not something that you say to a teenage girl who already had self-esteem issues....

TheLovelyLady71 · Hermes

Oh Laken1, I'm sorry about your weight gain, but it seems like you and I are about the same size, b/c I'm about a sz. 8-10 (145 lbs.). I know a few years ago, I was just a sz. 8, but I 'have' picked up some weight. I think a couple of years ago, I had gained 10 lbs., and I WAS NOT HAPPY about it. Went to the doctor, and you KNOW they're gonna weigh you, my mouth fell to the floor, I was in shock. I know I had slacked off on exercise, eating really bad, but DAMN! My heart was crushed, b/c I didn't see it. Joe thought I looked fine, but I KNEW I had to do something about it. And I have/did. I got back into exercising, eating BETTER, and those 10 lbs. came off, even more so! I was happy. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. I need to lose more weight myself, I'm right now at 145, give or take, but I'd like to get back to 140-142 lbs. - I thought "I" looked fine.

GOOD LUCK, we're here if you need us.

Even tho' I'm 34, I KNOW I can do it!!

-- Edited by TheLovelyLady71 at 09:16, 2006-01-06

-- Edited by TheLovelyLady71 at 09:18, 2006-01-06

Escrime · Kate Spade

Oh, laken, I've been there too. I used to weigh 200 lbs, and I lost about 80 lbs.

Like ILoveChoo said, you took the first step, and you realize what you have to do.

It took you a while to gain the weight, and it will take you a while to lose it. It really is just small steps at a time because if you try to do too much, you will give up. But once you start losing weight and seeing how your clothes fit better and making a part of your lifestyle, you will become more motivated and less upset than now.

It seems like you've set realistic goals for yourself and you just want to get back to where you are comfortable with yourself again, and that is attainable and a very healthy goal.

Are you able to hire a personal trainer to help you get started with an exercise program? WW will definitely help you get a handle on portion control and what types of food to eat. Once you get started on those things, it gets easier.

We're here if you need to vent. Almost every woman goes through some degree of disliking something about herself (unfortunately), so we all know how you feel.

I hope you feel better soon!

laken1 · Hermes

Thank you both for your kind words - it really does make me feel better. Just to clarify, I am no where near 140 or 150 or a size 10 / 12 anymore - thus the depression part.

ilovechoo - do you mind me asking how much weight you lost on WW & how long it took you? I know everyone is different & I've done the program before, but I can't remember my time. I would really like to lose 30ish lbs by the time I go back home in mid-March - do you think that's doable on the program? I'm thinking so, it's only 2 or 3 lbs a week? I hate to set myself up for failure & put a number & timeframe on it, but I also think it's important for me to have a shorter term goal? I don't know...I'm just not thinking straight.

-- Edited by laken1 at 09:25, 2006-01-06

atlgirl · Gucci

Hi laken,

I'm sorry you are so troubled by this. But it sounds like you have a solid game plan, and the discipline to achieve your weight goals. Give yourself a little time to get past being rocked by the weight gain and keep your eyes on the end goal.

5 lbs *at a time* is more than enough to focus on. You can't drop it all at once, so you are right to look at this in smaller, achieveable increments. Healthy weight loss is 1-2 lbs a week. That makes it easy enough to know how many weeks it will take you to lose, then you can focus on maintaining. I'm glad your DH is so supportive - sounds like he loves you for you, not some image of who you should be for him.

As for your mom (and ex-husband) and anyone else who gives you a hard time - DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. I know it's hard - we all internalize the bad, or perceived bad things people say to us, and gloss over the good ones. But do what is right for YOU and don't worry about anyone else's opinions. Your mom sounds like a piece of work, to be honest, and I'm sorry she has been so unkind to you. That's not what we expect from our parents, and it's hurtful. But life is too short to go around being defined by what others say. Live by your own definitions and be happy with those, and you'll find that others' words and opinions will bounce off you more easily.

Hang in there and do what's best for laken. Your self-esteem and self-image will only get better as you take the steps to achieve your goal. You know we're here to support you, so please keep us updated on how you're feeling and progressing. *hugs*

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

Laken, I'm kind of in the same boat as you, or have been at some point. I'm 5'2 and I weigh currently 147 pounds, I'm a size 10 or 12. I gained a bunced of weight on my honeymoon last month so I'm struggling to take that off. Like you, people have told me that I look nowhere near what I actually weigh, I guess I'm what you would call "solid" and have a lot of junk in the trunk so that accounts for some weight.

About three years ago, I joined weight watchers when I was at my heaviest, 151 pounds (which I'm really close to now). I lost 20 pounds in about three months, but it's different for everyone. My mom and I did it together and she lost about 50 pounds in that time, but she went WAAAY overboard.

I still get depressed about my body, especially now since I have recently put on the weight. My husband gets kind of annoyed because I'm ALWAYS harping on how fat I think I am. But in reality, I'm a little overweight, but it's not the end of the world and I'm learning to be more comfortable with my weight no matter what it is.

I don't have any real advice for you, but I think you have to think positively, get in the right frame of mind about this, and everything will fall into place. You're not a failure, you are actively taking steps to better yourself and you should give yourself some credit. Good luck with everything. :)

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

I've been depressed lately too. I have gained about 35 lbs in 4 years and am super unhappy about it.

But a few weeks ago I started meeting with my personal trainer more and also meeting with a dietician.

It is helping already and I swear to myself that I will be able to put on a bikini again when summer comes.

1 small thing that really helps everyone I've talked to.. Keep a food journal and write down everything. You will soon get to a point where you will not want to eat that potato chip if you know you have fess up to it on your journal.

You are not alone. Whatever you need we will support you!

TheLovelyLady71 · Hermes

Yeah, I also (and have for about 5+ yrs. now, on those little index cards) keep a food journal. I write down EVERYTHING I eat, so when my clothes do fit a lil' snug or the numbers go up on the scales, I know what I need to do, so I think that's a VERY good idea.

JoceyBaby23 wrote:

I've been depressed lately too. I have gained about 35 lbs in 4 years and am super unhappy about it. But a few weeks ago I started meeting with my personal trainer more and also meeting with a dietician. It is helping already and I swear to myself that I will be able to put on a bikini again when summer comes. 1 small thing that really helps everyone I've talked to.. Keep a food journal and write down everything. You will soon get to a point where you will not want to eat that potato chip if you know you have fess up to it on your journal. You are not alone. Whatever you need we will support you!

blubirde · Chanel

Man, I feel you! I've never weighed anything close to 100 in my entire life. I used to think, oh if I just weighed Xlbs, then I'd look good. Screw that. I look good now. My New Year's Resolution is to lose 20 pounds before summer (although I tell people it's just 10) and that includes the little holiday poundage put on. It's not about weighing a certain amount for me, it's about knowing that in 20 pounds, I'll feel like I've really accmplished something. I probably won't look all that different at all (my thighs and ass have varied from 1-2 sizes their entire lives, 20 pounds or no) but I'll FEEL better.

And seriously, it's not about needing to lose 50 pounds or whatever. I know that's what it feels like at WW (I've done it before and it does seem overwhelming at first), but after the first 5 pounds or so, you'll feel like you're in control of yourself, which is really what weight is all about. And once you know you control what nutrients you give your body and you control how you feel about yourself, all this depression about weight will just slip away.

As for your mother, girl please. Mothers are the negative little voices in our head all the time. If I listened to all the negative things my mother said about me, I'd never leave my closet. I know they don't mean to be so harsh but they don't realize what their words do. My mom used to weigh a gazillion pounds (she had a brief blow up period that she's lost now) and lecture me about eating chips and salsa at mexican restaurants. Um, hello? Mirror anyone? Anyway, point being that parents suck. They say harsh things and those things can really hurt. The thing to do is put it in perspective. In my case, my mother was so completely absurd in her own self-evaulation/denial that it made the things she said laughable. Her words can't make me thinner but there is the distinct possibility that if I were to listen to them, they might make me fatter. So that's my choice, too. I chose not to listen to her at all. She can kiss my well-endowed (and rightfully endowed from my mother) ass.

So do I wish my stomach were tighter? Yeah. Do I wish my ass fit better in pants? Yes. But when it comes down to it, as long as I am in control of my eating habits and they don't control me, I know I'm who I'm supposed to be. If that doesn't fit some magazine's ideal of beauty, screw it. I can't help that. I can just help me. And luckily, I like me. (That's one of the beauties of WW, it'll help you gain some perspective on your eating and lifestyle habits. Plus it really is a positive experience. I really encourage you to go to the meetings every week. It's like a bit of food therapy without the food.)

ILoveChoo · Hermes

laken1 wrote:

ilovechoo - do you mind me asking how much weight you lost on WW & how long it took you?

I started in May and lost about 35 by Thanksgiving

Alikat · Kate Spade

First off, I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time. Its hard to gain weight, even harder if you don't have the full support of those who love you.

I think the goal of 5 pounds at a time is realistic - it definitely takes time to lose weight and once you accept that it makes the whole process a lot easier. I also suggest you try doing measurements which are often more rewarding than weighting yourself (especially if you are doing a weight training program).

I personally am going through something similar where I am trying to lose about 30 lbs and its been very slow going, especially since I keep getting thrown off track by vacations and holidays. I've gotten back to being determined though, and I'm sitting here very sore because I started being serious again. For me what helps is making a plan and writing it down. Food journals are great, I started one on livejournal.com and just vent about how I feel when I overeat or didn't work out. I've never been a journal person but I'm finding that it helps so much.

I agree if you can afford a personal trainer that’s a great starting point. If you can't there are lots of informative places to look into exercise online (I like www.3fatchicks.com/ and the Shape boards - or you could start trying out videos and finding some you like - if you want to start slowly I've heard the Leslie Sansone videos are great.

I hope this helps!

small fry · Chanel

Laken hugs to you well I think you look great you are a beautfuil lady. Well I agree with all of the other ladies. It does take time to loose the weight but do it in a healthy way so the pounds will saty off and not come back and once you get used to eating healthy it will come 2nd nature and also dont deprive yourself from your fav. junk food have some every now than this will help you not to go over board. I have faith in you , you can do and we are here all cheering you on{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{-hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

laken1 · Hermes

Your girls are so great - thank you so much for all your kind words. It really really means a lot to me. I'm trying to get upbeat about it & I do feel more powerful planning out meals that are good for myself & my hubby. And i haven't felt deprived yet. And you couldn't pay me to eat a french fry or chocolate cake. I'm quite a stubborn lady & I've made up my mind. I think i'm just going to let it go & do what I'm supposed to & know that it is good for me & just proceed. I want to be healthy, not just skinny. So keep an eye out for the skinnier me on TS!!!!

Thanks again.

Tati · Chanel

laken1 wrote:

I think i'm just going to let it go & do what I'm supposed to & know that it is good for me & just proceed. I want to be healthy, not just skinny. So keep an eye out for the skinnier me on TS!!!! Thanks again.

you go girl!

you can do it! i was heavy at one point too and got very depressed and then i joined ww. I still have some weight to lose, its not easy, but we can do it. My mom was the same way, i've never had weight issues until i had my 2nd son and then the comments started from my mom and my dad. they hurt, especially coming from my dad. but i didn't do it for them, i did it for myself. sounds like your so motivated, thats great, your going to do it! like you said, let it go and start NOW. by starting now that alone should start making you feel better in your mind and your body. take care, im (we) are here for you!

poptart · Coach

Wow, where do I start? <<hugs>>

First, you are beautiful. Absolutely beautiful! I have seen your posts in threadstyle (hello camos ) and you've got great style, carry yourself super well, and look awesome. But, waaaaaaaay more importantly, you're a beautiful person. You're incredibly kind and helpful, you love your family, you love your husband, you're thoughtful ... I could go on and on. You could weigh 500 pounds and it would. not. matter. I'm so sorry that people, from your ex to your Mom, haven't been able to be more supportive of you. But, I'm proud of you for persevering and finding a great hubby who loves you and knows that you are more than what you weigh, for gosh sakes!

You know that we all support your goal to lose weight, because you want to do it for yourself and because it will make your healthier, but it just sounds like you might need to be reminded that you're a wonderful person, and no amount of struggle over your weight is going to change that. You have a plan to get your weight back to where you want it to be, which is great, so keep us posted on how it goes and don't be afraid to ask for support if you get overwhelmed!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Oh gosh laken honey! I'm so sorry. Your post made me cry a little bit (I can relate to how you feel about this, believe me, just on a different issue) There's really no way to say anything the other girls haven't said better, but I think you're going to do great!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Oh Laken!!! Huge hugs from me. I think everyone had some good encouraging words for you. I have some stuff saved on my laptop and my desktop that I used for WW that I will email you this weekend that can give you some ideas and stuff. Also definetly go onto the message boards of www.dwlz.com and I can't remember your age (so forgive me for this) but the 20s area is great and always doing mini challenges and setting goals and they are very welcoming if you are over 29 so don't shy away from them!!

Also I'm going to be home most of the weekend so if you want to talk just call me. I know you have free long distance with vonage so you don't have to worry about that!

I did WW 2 falls ago and I lost 25 pounds and gained 5 back but I'm starting up again soon. It is a very doable program and you won't deprive yourself. they are also very supportive so go to the meetings and don't hold back. You will be fine and do great!!

wicked · Coach

I'm rooting for you! :woot:

lilyann · Dooney & Bourke

Oh, sweetie I so know how you feel- I lost 80 lbs 4 years ago on weight watchers and the poisonous feelings coming from family, friends, yourself- it can make you so depressed and leave you feeling defeated. Let me add I have gained back 10 in the last year but I dont feel that scared, defeated feeling about my weight anymore- I know weight watchers is the solution for me and is always somewhere I can go back to when the time is right. One thing I would suggest is always go once a week to the weigh ins and meetings. It keeps you motivated- and challenges you, it also is a place where you will get tons of support, helpful hints, and ideas. So many others feel the same way about there weight like you are feeling, you are not alone. It took me a year and a half to loose my weight- it was very slow- I would never let myself dwell on the actual # of weight I needed to loose, it was too daunting a thought. I made small 5 lb goals, daily goals, momentary challenges. Make them, but make them small. I think when you do this you also realize that you are on a program , but you are going to have to live your life too. Eat at restraunts, go to parties, vacations... do not let yourself get so rigid that you never treat yourself, because then it becomes so constraining and dull that you may just give up all together. Give yourself time, be easy on yourself- it is not what you day one day a week that matters - it is what you did with the other 6.