STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Dizzy wrote:

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Lynnie sweetie, slow down, I don't understand what's going on here.

1) You want to move to another apartment because you are too isolated, right?
This move will engender:
a) a longer commute
b) a possible good friend
c) the loss of your brass bed and other things

2) You will have two months without income, why?

3) Your relationship with your boyfriend may be ending.
This move COULD engender:
a) even more isolation
b) or a chance to spend more time with yourself

Honestly, when things are crazy, I think there's a tendency to want to do SOMETHING to fix ANYTHING. Is it possible you just want to make a big change to get some control back? (Think breakup hair cut).

I mean, right now, you're surrounded by people who aren't being supportive. And, if I'm reading this right, your job is sort of shaky. That's really tough. Two big areas of your life are out of whack. And it's all snowballing and spiralling and reminding you of other things in your life that you don't like and so on . It all gets to be too much. (see my post from two months ago, when I wanted to drop out of law school because a professor told me I wasn't working hard enough).

Is any of this on target? I'm so sorry you're goign through a hard time sweetie..

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well, the boyfriend and moving thing are separate. I've lived where i currently live for over 3 months, and as soon as i moved in, i knew it wasnt a good area. the thing that spurred my rash decision to move was something rude i heard my roommate say about me last night while i was lying in bed. that was the final straw. but all last week i was crying going home from work because i felt like i was going to the middle of nowhere. this newer place would have cool roommates- desparately want this!!- and be in an area that has shops, restaurants, etc. my bf happens to live 3 or so blocks away, but i didn't know that originally, so thats not really the point. I am just worried about the size of the room and that sacrifice. the money would be $50 more than what i'm currently paying- $700 instead of $650 a month.

as far as the bf- that is sad, but i've kinda felt like this was gonna happen for 2 years now... we've broken up before. its very complicated, but basically it amounts to our relationship kinda feeling stagnant because neither of us is ready to make the final committment (marriage) despite being in love, so we don't know what to do. basically- timing is off. sucks bigtime.

as far as my job- march is very slow and there would be nothing to do. i'm paid week to week. So yea, my job is totaly shaky- but i really like it. i'm not sure what to do- i was thinking i could use the month to do something really cool perhaps- so it could be a blessing in disguise, but its scary thinking about. I have about $16,000 saved up that is just my cash- other money in more long term investments- so i'm not completely hurting for money but it still makes me nervous. i must add though that my whole childhood i was made to believe that we were gonna live out on the streets- my parents kept saying this when i wanted something big- and it messed with my head. so i wont' feel financially secure til i have at least $100,000 away- so thats why i'm not trying to spend this money.

sorry the post was so confusing- i'm just in a really hard situation and it feels like instantly all these 3 things came to head in the same day (moving cuz of being sad so long and roommates being mean- plus i have to know if i'm gonna move soon so i can not pay then- i know they'll ask me as soon as they see me, bf and me, and finding out about the work thing) Its a tough time right now. the thing i'm most worried about is the bf thing- matters of the heart are always hard on me. but the other things are more technical. i'm gonna measure my stuff today and see if i can swing the teeny room. i kinda really want to live with three girls my age- they seemed like the hanging out type which is what i want- i'm not yet in that stage where i just want a ton of personal space. i do love my big room though.

what would you girls do?

ILoveChoo wrote:

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I think you should find another place, but keep in contact with the girl. Maybe you could be friends, but the apt. doesn't sound like what you need right now. You're going through a lot and to have to get rid of stuff/findnew stuff/live in a cramped room is going to make you more depressed...plus if you are already feeling isolated, why move farther away from the subway- you'll never want to go out! (believe me, I used to do that and once I got home after work there was nothing that would get me to leave again) My opinion is that you have a ton of stress right now, and you should never make huge changes in your life when that is the case. Maybe things will get better now that your roomies are back?

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well- this new place is much closer to two more major lines- the ones that take me into manhattan- its in williamsburg brooklyn- for the girls that know it.  the line i was referringto was the G- its a crappy line that is the ONLY one i'm close to now.  right now i CANT leave my apt at night basically- so i would love to be closer to other options.  it would make me want to go out more i'm sure- i've only been out a few times in 3 months because of where i live!!  as far as keeping in touch with the girl- i know what you're saying, but you def. become so much closer to people you live with.  and i would have fun there, i'm pretty sure.  ah i'm so not sure.  part of me is like- i'm young, i should just have fun- not have a lot of stuff.  i'm going to go back there today and see if there is ANY way i could make it work.     

 

*oh and i know what you mean about not making major changes, but i seriously think i'm gonna kill myself if i commit to living here though march.  i wanna GET OUT OF HERE and i have for a while, before these other changes.   

-- Edited by lynnie at 09:39, 2006-01-06

i think you should move into this new apartment you found.  even if you and this girl (or the other two roommates) don't end up being bestest buds, it can't be any worse than the situation you're in now, from the sound of it.  and if you do end up being close with her/them, then consider it a bonus.  williamsburg is a pretty young, hip place to live, isn't it?  so you should be able to find friends, even if not in your own apartment.  maybe one of your new roomies' friends will be your long-lost soul-sister!  you never know.

i think your instincts are right, you need to get out of your current apartment asap.  who the hell would talk shit about our lynnie?!  i have some friends in nyc if you think someone needs a lesson. 

and who knows, maybe being three blocks away will help things with the bf, too.  i'm sure that you being happier in general will help you sort out your feelings about him and your relationship, either way.

as for your month off, i think you should travel.  even if it's just a short trip somewhere - you have a decent amount of cash saved, as well as your other long-term stuff, and you should definitely take advantage of not having to work for a few weeks and do something fun for yourself!  you need some time to relax and think about things, i think.

i don't think you should rush to a decision. if you want to move fine, but i would look around a bit more. whenever i've been in similar situations, and rushed to make a decision i've almost always ended up regretting them.

i also really don't think you should move in with this girl.  maybe i'm an old curmudgeon but there are a lot of things to consider. not that you're not great (b/c you are) but are you really sure that this girl, and her friends want to befriend you. i'm sorry if i sound like an ass, b/c that's not my intent. but everyone always seems super cool when they want you to move in and split the rent. when you actually get into the situation it might be a lot different.

my other concern is that you may possibly come across as too needy. this is hard to articulate, but my sense is that you don't have a really large social circle right now, and you're excited about this b/c it's a chance to make new friends. the thing is i've found that people can be really sensitive about their space, and mistake general friendliness for psycho stalker.

i don't want to be debbie-downer, but i also don't want you to rush into anything. living with friends in the real world can be very tricky. 

I was totally all for you moving out, but then I read honey's post and I think she's right.

lynnie wrote:

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thanks girls for the advice- i'm thinking i need to move asap even though a lot of you may disagree. i didn't eat breakfast because i was scared to go in there because they were both there. nor any meals yesterday. so i've had barely any food for two days because i'm scared to be in my apartment. not. good. as far as what you're saying honey- i agree with you completely. but i haven't really given any vibes to this girl that i'm gonna be her new best friend, etc. she just seemed really cool and like we COULD be friends. we had a lot of really random ish in common. i made her late to work because we were hanging out haha. i require a lot of time to myself so i've never been the type that is constantly tagging along and being a nuisance and i can sense when someone doesn't really want me there. i know what you mean about roommates being friendly to get you to move there- thats how it always is. but she's my age and we're pretty similar, so it felt different, like we could be friends. i'm kind of cautious though- so i wouldn't expect too much of it instantly. and they're getting cable because they like the oc and laguna beach and stuff- i haven't had a tv in months so that sounds so delicious. i'm going to go there today and check the measurements- and maybe meet the other girls on saturday. i hope they're cool too. i guess i can tell more about whether i'd want to live there in a couple of days. i know its a weird situation, having so much craziness right now, but i guess i just chalk it up to being young and unsteady. and the lease is up in may, so i can always move again if this new place sucks. i hate moving, but i hate living in a bad situation even more. williamsburg is pretty young so i can go out and meet people- i feel that i can't do that around here. has anyone ever lived in a really small area (bedroom is small- the apartment is huge- it has two living rooms and two levels so there is a lot of hanging out space, plus a really cute terrace)? haha, as shallow as that sounds, thats what i'm worried about- not the people i live with or the hassle and i'm not worried about the extra $50 a month at all. eta: shopchicago- just saw your post. i'm glad you were ok with it. that gives me some reassurance.-- Edited by lynnie at 10:47, 2006-01-06

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yep - i just wanted to reitterate (sp?) once again, that i lived in a teeny apartment, and not only was my bedroom small, my entire apartment was teeny and I was fine.  Yours sounds even better considering the rest of the apartment is huge.  That's what I mean - you really only have to sleep in the bedroom. 

Go meet the other girls and do your measurements.  You could wind up becoming really good friends w/the roommates, or maybe not, but it sounds like it couldn't be any worse than your current situation and like you said, you'd only be stuck until May.

Good luck!

I think that you should hold off on the decision till you meet the new roomies. I know you're pretty much planning on moving to the new place, but I would want to meet all the new girls before making the final decision.

yea i guess you girls are right that i just want reassurance. i think i'm going to tell my roommate that this is my last month anyway- even if this place doesn't work out or i decide i dont like the other girls for some strange reason. it'll force me to find a place at least- knowing i have to move out in 3 weeks no matter what. a lot of places go on the market instantly anyway- so if i find a place, i'd have to move in pretty soon. this is for jan. 15- so if it works out, i'd have 2 weeks to move my stuff- not really so stressful when you think about it. i hate moving in one day.

while pretty much everyone else has said what im thinking im gonna say it too..

 

move the hell out! dude, you're not eating and your're scared to be at home? that is not cool. ive actually been in that situation where you do your damndest to avoid the roomie and its no fun whatsoever. it totally brings your whole life down. so yes, move out.

take the cool fun apartment with the cool fun girls. even if neither the apartment nor the girls turn out to be cool nor fun at least you're away from bad scary roomies. and really, 8 x 9 isn't that bad. ive lived in an apartment where the bedroom was oh...just enough for a bed and dresser and me. it can work. it sorta feels nest like, ya know...you're own personal cocoon at the end of the day.

at this point in your life you need to be somewhere where you feel good and it sounds like you felt good at the new place. go for it. you can always move again!

and yes, im totally ignoring the boyfriend stuff because that's neither here nor there with the moving, in my opinion it sounds as if you know the relationship is going nowhere. sometimes you hit a wall and that wall ain't going nowhere. maybe use your time off to travel by yourself (a ST trip perhaps...hitting the major cities where we live??, what better way to feel good about yourself than hang out with us??) and while on this trip...don't think about the bf or talk to him and then see how you feel.

 

hope that helps! we're all here for you!!