STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

nicoley · Coach

What do you do when your feeling Blue?

lsubatgirl · Gucci

I'm sorry you feel lonely/sad right now. Its hard to move to another city and remake friends and stuff. I'm still trying to make new friends and it sucks when no one is available to do stuff with me like going to eat out or to a movie. I also find it hard to keep up with friends once i moved/they moved. I'm just not a talk on the phone all the time with people like my one friend who keeps in touch with everyone she ever meets so I know how you feel on that end too.

I too sometimes go shopping by myself just to interact with people and to get out. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't.

I don't have any great advice to share on how I deal with sadness/loneliness. I just know what you are feeling and I just want to let you know you aren't alone out there and you can pm me anytime you need to talk/interact with someone.

Elle · Hermes

I'm sorry you're feeling down, Nicoley .

I was in a similar situation when my FH and I lived in Spokane (aka The Armpit of the Northwest) - we were there so he could go to school. I had no friends there, a stupid life-sucking job, nothing to 'do' in the town, etc. That's when I found Stylethread, actually (well, it was Fashionhag back then ).

I found that shopping really helped - not necessarily buying anything, just going through the motions of shopping. It's a very familiar feeling, and it helped me feel a little more at ease.

Seriously, ST is a really good outlet. I consider everyone here my 'friend' - there is always someone here that's gone through what you're going through or has a kind word to help you feel better. This place has given me a great sense of community, of belonging to something. Even if it is 'virtual' .

Another thing to remember - it won't last forever. You might meet someone at school, or you'll graduate and move to a new city where you already have friends or will meet new ones, and you'll get a job and meet someone there. Maybe you should use this time alone to your advantage - there's no one around you with any idea of who you 'should' be or who you 'used to' be, so you're free to be whomever you feel like being at the moment .

Have you considered contacting any of your old friends? I'm sure they'd love to hear from you, and even if you only correspond occasionally via email or on myspace or whatever, it's still nice to know that they're out there. I know I'd love to hear from lots of people I knew, even if I wasn't particularly close to them - it's always nice to hear from a friend.

Take care of yourself

lynnie · Chanel

aww i'm sorry you are feeling down. this happens to me often- usually i come out of it on my own as hopeful/fun things come into my life (meeting a new friend, planning a ski trip with an old friend, having a really good weekend), so thats how i get myself out of it- i let myself feel the way i feel, knowing i'll feel better later. SOMETIMES shopping makes me feel better, but usually not for long- its very fleeting and i usually feel empty afterwards..so i save shopping for my happier times or to pick me up when i had an annoying/stressful time, but not when i'm actually sad. Some things i like to do:

*read books or poetry that really move me, or just fun books- i'm not sure what kind of things you like- i recently read Gift from the Sea- just a short little book by Anne Lindbergh- who i consider to have led a very interesting life- and even if her musings weren't groundbreaking, i found them timeless and wise

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0679406832/qid=1136253944/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-4385540-2372706?n=507846&s=books&v=glance

*clean- i hate doing this with a passion when i'm sad- i usually just want to sit there and be depressed, but i feel better afterwards and my place looks much nicer

*making things (i like to draw , make jewelry, make house stuff)

*play interior decorator to your place

*finding a cool part time job or maybe getting involved more with your hobby, a club sports team, or a co-op if you have one

*forcing yourself to go out of the way to have conversations with people- you don't have to expect anything of it- but just the break in routine will make you more receptive to people and they'll pick up on it

*planning little trips- i went to nice,france with EF for 3 weeks last year and met some really cool girls- i wish i had kept in touch with some of them, there was one girl that i really liked =/ it was cool because most weren't americans- it was kind of funny seeing the "popular" and clique-ish 17 year old irish girls hanging out together- makes you realize that people really aren't so different i know some people have done trips through Contiki- something where there will be a lot of people your age would be fun and give you something to look forward to.

*if you have discovery channel, you should watch going tribal. i love that show, the guy is crazy! i dont have cable, so i can't watch it

ViViDogWear · Kate Spade

Lynnie - that was a GREAT post!

Nicoley - i totally understand how u feel. Everyone goes through this and hopefully ST gals can help! I know that you all have helped me through this time I am trying to move on in my life too.

Just try to enjoy the time to yourself, rediscover who you are,and what you enjoy, etc.

I always clean the house and play interior decorator too when i am sad. or even play all my wallowing music as loud as i want and just let myself wallow for awhile. When you are ready - you will go out and be yourself and exude a positive energy that will draw others to you.

oh - and i do the retail therapy also - it always helps and i prefer to shop alone anyways!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Aw, I'm in the same boat this month - and I don't talk to my family, so it's just me. And my town doesn't even have any shopping!

Personally, when I'm bored or down or lonely, I play dress up with my clothes and makeup, like I'm my own Barbie. I need more hobbies...

Writing in my journal is also good.

Sometimes it helps to think of a personal hero and do what I think she would do if stuck in a godawful small town in the middle of winter with no one to hang out with because everyone else goes home for the winter break (solo scrabble, anyone...) So far, my best idea has been a s'mores party for the only four girls I know even though it's only slightly, but they're here. Hope they come. (If not, it's more chocolate for me).

And the last time I moved, I started girls night activities, talked people into joining a kickboxing class with me, and founded a coffee-bitching session for my work buddies (we called it the klatsch - so dorky). It's kind of fun to start from scratch and get new people to hang out with... Just see what you can come up with, and experiment. Since you don't know anyone anyway, what the heck, right?

Hang in there. You sound like a smart, thoughtful person, and you're in an awesome city. I'll bet you're tons of fun on your own. And years from now you'll remember this time as being so empowering... How brave to move across the ocean not knowing anyone!

NCshopper · Hermes

Oh, I can so relate, Nicole! I'm going through exactly what you're going through and it SUCKS! We've lived here for over 2 years now and still have no friends. I have my husband and my job and when my husband had to leave town recently it wasa HUGE wakeup call for me.

I suggest getting out of the house as much as possible. If you want to read, go to a coffee shop and read. Or peruse a bookstore, or go to the gym. And leave your iPod/cd player/whatever at home--having headphones on will make you seem totally unapproachable and will fend off even the smallest interactions with people. Basically go out and try to have an interaction with someone. Even if it's small, it'll make you feel a little bit better.

Of course, there are days (and I've had them too recently) where leaving the house is just not a good idea. Looking like you just got done having a major crying fest doesn't exactly make people want to talk to you, unfortunately, so stay home if you're just having a really terrible day.

Shopping is always fun, but it can get expensive if you're really unhappy, plus it's very difficult to make friends while shopping.

We're always here for you on ST, so feel free to let some stuff out here if you need to--most of us have gone through or are currently going through exactly what you're going through.

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

1. Rent some chick flicks or just movies you really like and veg with some popcorn and drinks.

2. Go to Borders or Barnes and Nobel and get a sweet snack and some cappachino and read some trashy gossip mags. Us Weekly, OK, that kind of thing.

3. Find and interesting museum to check out

4. Find some fun recipies and experiment with cooking.

erin · Chanel

a lot of these suggestions are really good!

things i do when i am feeling down:
-clean, i hate cleaning, but it's really rewarding and i definitely feel 100% better about my living space
-take a nap
-read something frilly
-go shopping
-cook
-read mags
-take a bath
-paint my toenails
-go to the library

blink · Coach

well when I am feeling blue, I generally don't call all my friends, I like to be alone and I read or I rest. I soothe myself with some hot tea, some chocolates or buy myself something nice. I don't go and spend money because then I just get depressed at being broke. But if you have dough to spend, it sure does lift your spirits sometimes, I know! I also flip through old pictures and think back.

If I were in your shoes, I would try to join a community group with others your age. I was avoidant of these kinds of organizations in my 18-early 20's, but looking back it's a great way to make lifetime friends. another different possibility, some girls join junior league, I don't know if that's your thing.

tara t · Marc Jacobs

when i'm sad or lonely, i read or hang out with my dog. he's the best company.

but when i have alone time, i really value it by doing tara things. reading, just watching movies, taking long baths, maybe even baking.

buck up little camper you will be just fine. you have us !! :)

bex · Chanel

hey there nicoley!

i always like to do girly things when i am feeling down. either give myself or go and get manicure/pedicure ALWAYS makes me feel SO much better... spending time on myself makes me feel like if i like good, then i'll feel good... and it usually works for me!

nicoley · Coach

Thanks girls for all your support and ideas. They really did help, and now that school has started again and focusing on that and other things I have going on, I am totally out of my rut, and feel Great! Back to my normal self, yay.

You stylethread girls are the best.. Thanks for being there for me, it means alot :)