STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

as far as your weight goes- i've heard a rough estimate for a weight you shouldn't drop under is 100 lbs for your first 5 ft, then another 5 lbs for each inch after that.  so you shouldn't go under 105 lbs by that logic.  of course, that is a really rough estimate and entirely depends on your build- some people are naturally under or over that.  I think once you start making lifestyle changes, you'll get an idea of what your "equilibrium" is.  If you are unhappy with certain things, then there is nothing wrong with wanting to tone up. i think a lot of the problems arise from wanting to look "perfect."  i think everyone is guilty of this at least at some point, and some people a lot more than others.

as far as your "thoughts"...i'd say they are entirely normal, and also unhealthy by the same token.  I think it depends on whether you feel that you would act on them or not.  I've never had an eating disorder, and yet, i sometimes peruse pro-ana sites.  part of me is sickened/saddened, and part of me really relates.  i think a lot of them feel very alone, hiding this all inside, and these boards are a way to be around people that understand them.  What caused this?  Why can't i be happy with my body- which is great and when i HAVE lost weight- dropped 10 lbs last year to stress- i thought i looked a lot worse than i did when i was 10 lbs heavier (though i did enjoy my slimmer thighs and a sharper jawline, i admit)  I have no idea what it is, and if there was a clear cut "cause"- media, genetic, parents being too hard on their kids, emotional abuse, depression, etc...i think we would be able to treat it better, but i really think its a mixture of so many things, and a lot of it is just the society we live in.  i've read some extremely interesting essays about it in my womens studies classes- i wish i could think of their names. 

ok i could talk about this for hours, and i really am not even answering your question at all.  I think if its a problem (which it probably is) then we all have this problem, and the best you can do is eat healthily and keep yourself in check, maybe going to a doctor or friends/family for guidance.  while i may think about it occasionally, i wouldn't consider it a problem because i don't act on it and i love food.  i also pass out or get really faint/sick when i dont eat for a few hours- so I know i need to eat regularly and constantly.  i try to be healthy though- i admit, i dont want to gain weight  Also, i sometimes do think nicole and lindsey look better now.. in clothes anyway..but then i see a picture where too many bones are popping out and i remember- these girls all look way skinnier in real life- now THATS scary.  theres a diff. look to being naturally that skinny and starving yourself to be that skinny- it just doesn't look normal or right, and your face hollows out.  when you compare it to someone like rachel mcadams or scarlett johanson (who i don't like, but admit she looks good) or jessica alba (also don't like, but admit she looks good), its really apparent.  and almost every guy prefers someone that looks healthy anyway, not that it should matter, but i think i've overheard this exact convo a lot.

ok this might be mean, but compare:

(i resized that a tad so it might be a little off- but she still has a very long hollowed face in it- she doesn't look cute to me anymore!)

and then rachel mcadams- who looks healthy, glowing, and stunning.  if she ever pulls a lindsey, nicole, or duffster- she wouldn't be half this hot.

FWIW, did some quick googling, and found that the general recommendations for a woman in her early 20's at 5'1" is between 101 and 135 lbs. 

Aside from the stats, I am actually the same height and weight as you are.  I also feel like I have a little 'extra' that I'd like to get rid of.  I actually weighed about 95 lbs or so all through highschool - according to the above guidelines that was too little, but I still remember thinking my thighs were HUGE then, even though I didn't have the 'extra' like I do now.  IMO it's extra hard for people who are short, because 5 lbs extra on us has less room to distribute than on someone who's 5'6" so it ends up showing more.  Honestly, now that things have redistributed a bit in my late teens/early 20's, I feel most comfortable at around 105 lbs.  But 105 lbs on me doesn't necessarily look like 105 lbs on you, ya know?  Weight is a very relative thing, and some people are just predisposed to carry more muscle mass or fat or whathaveyou. 

Just for example, for me to look like this:

I estimate that I'd have to get myself down to around 85-90 lbs - which is a totally unreasonable weight for a healthy person to be!  You don't want to starve all your curves away - you might end up at 95, 100, even 105 lbs, but at what cost? 

At any rate, I think it's totally normal to be at odds with your body, especially when you're young.  It sounds to me (IMHO) that you might be feeling a little out of control when it comes to eating and your body, and like you're beating yourself up about giving into the temptation to overeat.  I'm telling you right now - I think any one of us can say that if the temptation presents it's self, we give in too!  If you want to change your habits, it's not about starting temptation in the face and having the willpower to turn it down everytime, it's about changing your situation so that there is no temptation to turn down in the first place.  Maybe consider thinking back to recent situations where you felt out of control of your urge to overeat - is it with friends?  At restaraunts?  Bars?  A specific food or foods?  Then (if possible) make some subtle changes in your life so that you don't end up in those situations that feel the most provoking.

Good luck sweetie - hang in there .

I think a lot of people have issues with their body.  Myself included.  There are things I love and things I hate.  So you're perfectly normal in that respect.

For me though, red flags pop up when you say that you wish you could just not eat.  Dieting is fine and all, but not eating isn't really an option.  If you feel like you really want to act on those urges, then please talk to someone.

Actually, talking to someone, whether it be your parents or a best friend, might be helpful.  If you're worried about yourself, you may want to let those close to you know that you'd like to lost 5 pounds or so.  That way if you start looking like you've past that limit they can tell you. 

For what it's worth, here are a few more things

• Everyone gains weight in college.  I think most people actually look better too.  I weighed 119 when I graduated high school (I'm 5'6" and 145 now, which actually isn't so bad.)  For me to go back to 119 would look ridiculous.  I'd lose all my curves that I love! 
• Stop nitpicking yourself to death.  Focus more on the overall picture because that's what others will see.  Other people don't scrutinize your knees or your thighs or any of that.  We could all nitpick ourselves to death and most of it is stuff that we'll never be able to do anything about anyway.  So go with the overall picture.
• Finally, don't focus on the numbers on the scale.  Go with what you look like and how well things fit.  103 is not a magic number.  You don't all of a sudden become happy and fulfilled at 103.  You'll find that 103 feels a lot like 104 and 105 and 106.  So don't pin your happiness to that number. 
  
  
  

Stephanie, I just read your post,and I can totally relate to you in a lot of ways.  I'm about 5' 3 1/2" and built kind of on the curvy side, meaning I definitely have boobs and a butt.  In high school, I was around 105-109 lbs., but sometime after my first year of college my metabolism changed, and that combined with not having time to work out any more meant that I'm now about 7 pounds heavier than I would like to be (10 if I'm honest about how I would LIKE to look, but I know that wouldn't be healthy weight loss).  It's not so much the weight I care about, like you were saying, it's more the way my body looks.  My stomach is no longer flat; I tend to put weight under my belly button and on my first, which are areas that I really don't want to get bigger.  I've always struggled with my body image.  In middle school, I think I was borderline eating disorder - I had thought I was fat since the age of nine and drastically slashed my fat intake.  I ended up losing like ten pounds and weighing only 92; I looked really sickly, and the fact that I was losing that much weight really scared me into changed my eating habits, thank God.  But body image is still an issue for me.  Honestly, I've found the thing that works best for me is exercise because even if I don't lose weight, when I'm excersising regularly, my body feels good and I feel good about myself.  I would recommend just trying to eat healthy (i. e., lots of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, healthy proteins, and healthy fats like those found in fish, nuts, and olive oils), drink lots of water, and exercise regularly.  This will get rid of any bloat you might have from eating the wrong kinds of food and also make your body feel better.  You will have so much energy and feel better about yourself.  If you have a little weight you need to lose, you will lose it, and if you don't really need to lose weight, your body won't let you since you aren't dieting.  This is what I did, for the most part, this summer, and I don't think I've felt that good about my body in years.  I especially like running for this because it gets your heartrate pumping and your endorphines going, which gives you a boost of energy and makes you feel really good about yourself.

I've been really angry to see the drastic weightloss that Hilary and Lindsey have had lately.  Because I've struggled with my eating and my body image for so long, it really does make me feel inadequate when I compare myself to celebrities; I really do feel pressure to live up to that image.  The number of healthy role s in Hollywood is going fewer and fewer.  The thing that sickens me the most is how all the fashion magazines talk about how good Hilary and Lindsey look now that they've lost weight - "She looks so good," "She's lost the baby fat," etc., etc.  Excuse me, but there's no such thing as losing baby fat when your 18!  I've read that Dr.s say the years between 16 and 20 are normally the biggest weight gain years in a woman's life because her curves should be starting to develop more.  To me, neither Hilary nor Lindsey looks good at the weight she is now - I think they both looked much better before - and there's really no healthy weight to maintain a weight that low when that's not where your body naturally wants to be, which it obviously isn't for either of them since they had to lose a bunch of weight to get there.  (As opposed to someone like SJP, who seems to be just very naturally slim.)  When I think about the young s who are their fans, and think about the struggles with my body I had at that age, I worry so much and get really angry.  We should not have to try to live up to these images.