STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

poptart · Coach

oh dear

Hermione · Kate Spade

He just sounds like a shy boy .. probably it made him nervous!

He would have made up an excuse if he didn't want to go out with you - so I think this is fine - hopefully he'll be able to open up a bit more once you guys have gone out! (can't deal with him feeling awkward forever, after all!)

see how the first date goes to get a better read - but it sounds like so far you're alright at this stage!

Tati · Chanel

Hermione wrote:

He just sounds like a shy boy .. probably it made him nervous! He would have made up an excuse if he didn't want to go out with you - so I think this is fine - hopefully he'll be able to open up a bit more once you guys have gone out! (can't deal with him feeling awkward forever, after all!) see how the first date goes to get a better read - but it sounds like so far you're alright at this stage!

ditto, thats what i think too!

wow, your a brave girl :), i dont think i'd be able to ask a guy out. you go girl!

Elle · Hermes

I agree with the above - you probably just took him by suprise. IMO the 'Ummm, sure.' was a manifestation of serious relief that rendered 99.8% of his vocabulary totally unavailable to him. The quiet ones are the most fun once you get them to talk, in my experience

!

laken1 · Hermes

Elle wrote:

I agree with the above - you probably just took him by suprise. IMO the 'Ummm, sure.' was a manifestation of serious relief that rendered 99.8% of his vocabulary totally unavailable to him. The quiet ones are the most fun once you get them to talk, in my experience !

Exactly what I thought too. You surprised him! I had to make a few first moves with my hubby too because after months of endless flirting on the phone & in emails, then deciding to go on a trip together (to mardi gras, no less) - he still thought maybe I just wanted to be his friend. UGH. get a clue dude!

How fun - let us know how it goes.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

Hermione wrote:

He would have made up an excuse if he didn't want to go out with you - so I think this is fine -

ohhhhhhh, see, I thought that too, but got suckered into a really painful and confusing situation where I really liked a guy, wasn't sure how he felt about me, asked him out, and was counting on him to use basic social cues (like, specifically, inventing a fake excuse when I asked him out) to express his disinterest--yet he did not use that basic social cue, or any of the myriad others that were at his disposal, despite not actually being interested in me. Needless to say I eventually gave up, but not without a fair amount of hurt and confusion and a little embarrassment. I eventually talked to him about it a long time afterwards, and his perspective was essentially this: guys are usually total cowards when it comes to upsetting or letting down a woman. This includes turning down a date with a woman they were not otherwise especially interested in.

Now, that being said, I'm not at all saying that's necessarily the case with this guy, cause not all guys are like the guy I liked (thankfully). I guess I'm just saying that if he doesn't get snap to it right quick, and stays lukewarmish or mixed-signalish for more than the one date, I wouldn't waste any time wondering what it might really mean, or wondering why he's being shy, or giving you mixed signals, cause if he continues to act that way he probably just doesn't see you romantically.

However, you are smart and lovely, so I am sure he will respond with enthusiasm once getting over his initial shock!

dc · Dooney & Bourke

Completely sounds like you caught him off guard to me...

Andrea Julia · Coach

Guys are so weird! I don't think there is anyway to read his reaction right now. It can be, "I really like you, but I want to act cool and casual so you don't know it." It can be, "I'm not sure if I like you and I'm caught off guard, but definitely want to see how hanging out goes." It can just be nervousness speaking since he is shy.

I see what sephorablue is saying though, too. It can be (and let's hope it's not), "You caught me off guard and I couldn't think of a nice way to say no." If that is the case, he will most likely back out in the next few days thus saving you an uncomfortable dating situation.

Just go and have a good time! I'm sure it will be fun!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

It sounds to me like he's a shy boy, and I don't think he'd have said yes if he didn't want to go. But I think Sephorablue has a good point: if he's still being wishy-washy and unclear after a date, then don't waste your time thinking about what he's thinking. I have done that before and it can drive you crazy. When two people really like each other, that kind of confusion goes straight out the window and there's no insecurity about his feelings (in my experience, anyway). So, see how it goes when you have your date. I think his actions then will tell you most strongly.

If this helps, my brother was totally shy about asking out this one girl he had a huge crush on, and he did all these silly pseudo-dates, where he'd go to the mall with her and her friend, or just happen to sit with her in the dining hall. He finally got up the courage, but she had to help him out! And now they're married. Shy boys can be really worth it, as long as they reciprocate.

poptart · Coach

Andrea Julia wrote:

If that is the case, he will most likely back out in the next few days thus saving you an uncomfortable dating situation.

As it turns out, AJ is psychic. He called me this afternoon and backed out.

I am m-o-r-t-i-f-i-e-d.

Thanks for the nice thoughts anyway, though!

At least I did it, I guess.

Tati · Chanel

HIS LOSS girl!

well dont let this stop you from still asking other guys out

-- Edited by Tati at 22:16, 2005-12-19

Andrea Julia · Coach

I'm sorry it turned out this way. :( His loss. Oh well, NEXT!

laken1 · Hermes

Don't be mortified. I think it's good that you took the chance. But damn - i'm sorry. I know you are disappointed.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I'm sorry it worked out this way. But I admire your moxie in asking him out! That takes guts, and it will serve you well in the future! His loss.

NCshopper · Hermes

scarlett wrote:

I'm sorry it worked out this way. But I admire your moxie in asking him out! That takes guts, and it will serve you well in the future! His loss.

Ditto. His loss. I hope it doesn't ruin your confidence in asking men out in the future!

blubirde · Chanel

Lisa wrote:

Andrea Julia wrote: If that is the case, he will most likely back out in the next few days thus saving you an uncomfortable dating situation. As it turns out, AJ is psychic. He called me this afternoon and backed out. I am m-o-r-t-i-f-i-e-d. Thanks for the nice thoughts anyway, though! At least I did it, I guess.

Don't be mortified! Good lord, if I was mortified at all the rebuffs I've had from boys, I'd never leave my apartment! It's the way the cookie crumbles. You get out there, you try stuff out, some works and some doesn't. Eventually something will stick and until then, at least you know you can do anything you want to (including asking a guy out and being okay with him saying no).

I think you rock.