STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

lilyann · Dooney & Bourke

most painful question?

ILoveChoo · Hermes

well, now that the "when are you going to set a date?" is taken care of, it's probably "when are you going to get a real job?" Seriously, my family has no tact. I have a real job. I make more than most of them do! Just because I work at a University doesn't mean that it's a student job! And it doesn't mean I get the summers off (I can't tell you how many times they assumed that!). Grrr.

(ETA: I work in Development (fundraising), and no, that does not mean that I am one of those student callers. I have nothing to do with that!)

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 14:17, 2005-12-15

theotherjess · Chanel

I hate it when adults ask me, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Uh, no, I don't. Thanks for rubbing it in .

Maddie · Coach

theotherjess wrote:

I hate it when adults ask me, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Uh, no, I don't. Thanks for rubbing it in .

I was just going to say the same thing. First of all, it makes me feel like a big failure for not being able to nail down a guy. Also, I just don't think it's appropriate. I don't really like talking about personal details of my life with people I don't know so if you have to ask, it's probably not a topic that's open for discussion.

Kel · Coach

Lets see I always get "so when are you two going to get married" or "do you live together yet? Why not." It is so annoying.

luckylily · Gucci

ILoveChoo wrote:

well, now that the "when are you going to set a date?" is taken care of, it's probably "when are you going to get a real job?" Seriously, my family has no tact. I have a real job. I make more than most of them do! Just because I work at a University doesn't mean that it's a student job! And it doesn't mean I get the summers off (I can't tell you how many times they assumed that!). Grrr. (ETA: I work in Development (fundraising), and no, that does not mean that I am one of those student callers. I have nothing to do with that!)-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 14:17, 2005-12-15

I relate to both of your comments, ILC. I often get the "real job" question. People assume that because people who work at non-profits get paid less, we must also have easier, less stressful jobs. Wrong! My DH works at a University and he always gets comments about how much time he must get off. Like yours, his job is the same regardless of whether or not the students are in school.

My most dreaded questions is "When are you going to buy a house?" Most of my family lives in rural areas and they truly don't get that I couldn't afford to buy a dumpster in the city and I don't want to live in the 'burbs.

jj · Kate Spade

lilyann, it drives me NUTS when people ask about having kids. WHY do they think it's ok?? the only thing worse is the marriage/engagement question.

One of my BFFs and her husband had a really hard time getting pregnant, and they tried for years before they were successful. Anyway, all during that time, people constantly asked her when she planned on having kids. At first she tried to be nice and say "oh, you know, when it's right." And then, she said f**k it, and started giving people the whole schpeel about how they were trying and it was really painful and difficult, and thanks for bringing it up because now she feels worse and like a bigger loser. I know this is mean, but I loved watching her make people squirm. Boy, did they deserve it!!

CarrieS · Marc Jacobs

I haven't been asked yet, but I'm waiting on the "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" question because a lot of my HS class is married now. I kinda feel like a loser when I see the marriage announcements in the paper for them too, since I'm nowhere close to that...

I completely suck at dating also, so there's no boyfriend even on the horizon. It does depress me too, since I'm almost 27 and wanted to be married with kids by the time I'm 30

Maddie · Coach

This didn't happen to me, but I found it so wildly inappropriate I had to share. Last night I was out with my friend J and we ended up hanging out with another group of girls we went to high school with, but aren't that close with. We were just talking and then one of the girls asked J if she was still a virgin!!!! I was completely blown away that she would ask such a thing. J hadn't even seen this girl since graduation so they really aren't close and even so that is just so inappropriate!

Luv2Shop · Kate Spade

first of all I will never understand why people ask GIRLS when they are getting engaged, HELLO, we aren't supposed to know when we are getting proposed to!!! And just as stupid, why people would ask a guy when is girlfriend is right there like he is going to say "well I was thinking of asking her on such and such day" or "I not even thinking about it" Ouch What kind of answer are they looking for????

small fry · Chanel

well I get asked all the time from people what does your husband do? Well I tell them he is mostly a stay at home Dad, they look at me like iam crazy because my job does not make us rich and I should be the same at home Mom, So than they want to know why and all the details..

sometime I change the subject and than sometime I briefly explain he is on disablity due to health promblems and than they look dumbfounded

Damn people get to nosy these days

-- Edited by kaykay at 14:53, 2005-12-15

Elle · Hermes

Lilyann, everyone who has every asked you (or anyone else) a fertility/baby related question gets the Stylethread Fist of Death from me! Are these people out of their freaking minds!?!

I guess my only hotspot would be about my (elective) unemployment, or possibly college. This encompasses all questions like "So what do you want to do?", "When are you getting a job?", "Why don't you go do school so you can be an XYZ?".

I think we should all start answering these questions in the most sarcastic/deadpan way we can muster whilst keeping a straight face. Examples:

Q: Why don't you have children?

A: They're not allowed in my correctional facility.

Q: When are you going to get a [real] job?

A: Probably never. Lots of people live off the government, so I figured I'd just do that.

Q: Do you have a boyfriend?

A: No, boys have cooties.

Q: When are you going to get married?

A: When the church will allow me back OR When you're willing to pay for it.

-- Edited by Elle at 15:02, 2005-12-15

Seashells · Dooney & Bourke

Used to live in the 'burbs of Phila and I recently moved home. I get "Why did you move home" a lot. Which I guess is an ok question, but its really hard to tell someone it's because your dad's best friend (pretty much a 2nd father) died in a horrible motorcycle accident and you couldn't handle it.

I usually just say I got sick of my job, but really my job fell apart because I couldn't get it together.

lilyann · Dooney & Bourke

Elle Wrote:

Q: Why don't you have children?

A: They're not allowed in my correctional facility.

Yes, I love it! I have said in darker moments: " I hate children." This does make the person very uncomfortable- but, it isnt true so I dont say this anymore.

member · Hermes

Mine is by far "When are you guys going to get married or are you engaged yet?" Do you see a big rock on my finger? Nope - didn't think so, so stop f**king asking!

Why are other people so concerned about when I'm getting engaged!

erin · Chanel

it doesn't bother me anymore, but i used to get REALLY annoyed when people asked me about my skin. (i have vitiligo) people jokingly comment that it looks "splotchy" or makeup artists will mention "covering it up." so when people would ask "what happened" i would tell them i got struck by lightning.

i am also deaf in my left ear and partially in my right, and when i went to the geneticist** for a nuchal transparency, i was really upset when she asked if i would terminate if the baby had hearing defects!

**ps i know that sounds hypocritical since i was even at the geneticist to begin with, but i have a hereditary blood disorder that could have been bad for the baby if she inherited it.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

erin wrote:

i am also deaf in my left ear and partially in my right, and when i went to the geneticist** for a nuchal transparency, i was really upset when she asked if i would terminate if the baby had hearing defects!

oh my god that's appalling! I can't believe she would say such a thing!

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

I am so fortunate... I don't get pestered about anything... and I can say, with deep gratitude, that my own family will never pester me about marriage or children. but I'm sure it will start happening with other, less considerate people once my boyfriend and I have been together for a while longer...

bex · Chanel

obviously you all know mine: "when are you guys getting married?"

but i also hate the fact that i get asked "does BF hate it that you travel so much for your job?"

ummm BF doesn't give 2 shits... in fact, he enjoys his alone time when i am on the road. grrrr- i hate when people ask me this. they ask BF too if it bothers him that i am "gone all the time".

edited to add: i also hate it when people ask me how much something costs. i know they are just doing it to judge me. so i usually make up answers or ask "why do you want to know?"

-- Edited by bex at 15:46, 2005-12-15

sfcaligirl · Dooney & Bourke

Maddie wrote:

theotherjess wrote: I hate it when adults ask me, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Uh, no, I don't. Thanks for rubbing it in . I was just going to say the same thing. First of all, it makes me feel like a big failure for not being able to nail down a guy. Also, I just don't think it's appropriate. I don't really like talking about personal details of my life with people I don't know so if you have to ask, it's probably not a topic that's open for discussion.

me three! i dread that question, it makes me feel like the biggest loser. i can hear them thinking, "oh that poor girl, she never has a boyfriend." like i'm a troll or something...